Comments on: In Therapy, Who Comes First, the Child or the Parent? http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/in-therapy-child-parent/ Exploring Healthy Psychotherapy Fri, 10 Feb 2012 01:06:51 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Betsy Davenport, PhD http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/in-therapy-child-parent/#comment-20313 Betsy Davenport, PhD Fri, 31 Jul 2009 00:06:41 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/?p=2946#comment-20313 When working with parents who have concerns about their child/ren, I do not ask to see the child. If the work is to help the parents develop their parenting relationship, develop their own skills, reaffirm their values and get some help turning the values into actions at home, the child need not come to the office. In other words, the child is not the client, the parents are. I think, unless there is trauma to the child or the parents seem over their heads for some reason, that parents are their children's best "therapist." They are usually adequate to the task of helping their children develop and – when needed – repair. When working with parents who have concerns about their child/ren, I do not ask to see the child. If the work is to help the parents develop their parenting relationship, develop their own skills, reaffirm their values and get some help turning the values into actions at home, the child need not come to the office.

In other words, the child is not the client, the parents are. I think, unless there is trauma to the child or the parents seem over their heads for some reason, that parents are their children’s best “therapist.” They are usually adequate to the task of helping their children develop and – when needed – repair.

]]> By: Phyllis_D http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/in-therapy-child-parent/#comment-20142 Phyllis_D Tue, 21 Jul 2009 11:08:58 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/?p=2946#comment-20142 What a difficult thing to do. Treat a child, yet the child is not there to get their take on things. How can one evaluate a child, even if parents are in therapy? Sometimes it can be the parents against the child. I really don't see how this could work without first talking to both sets, parents and then the child. What a difficult thing to do. Treat a child, yet the child is not there to get their take on things. How can one evaluate a child, even if parents are in therapy? Sometimes it can be the parents against the child. I really don’t see how this could work without first talking to both sets, parents and then the child.

]]> By: Lacey http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/in-therapy-child-parent/#comment-20128 Lacey Tue, 21 Jul 2009 01:15:20 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/?p=2946#comment-20128 All parties deserve the time to talk to the psychologist, either with or without each other present. I feel both parents and children would be more forthcoming knowing the other isn't listening. If a child was to share information the parents didn't want to or didn't know about or vice versa, it could change the whole course of the therapy. All parties deserve the time to talk to the psychologist, either with or without each other present. I feel both parents and children would be more forthcoming knowing the other isn’t listening.

If a child was to share information the parents didn’t want to or didn’t know about or vice versa, it could change the whole course of the therapy.

]]> By: Deborah http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/in-therapy-child-parent/#comment-20121 Deborah Mon, 20 Jul 2009 18:50:58 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/?p=2946#comment-20121 As the parent of a child who has been through therapy for behavioral issues for some time now, I cannot imagine her going through this alone, nor could I imagine my husband and I in therapy alone and resolving the issues without our child as a part of the solution. That does not make good sense to me. We have learned so much with our therapist and the programs our daughter has taken part in, and we are working on these things together as a family, because there are some ways that we had been contributing to the behavior without ever realizing it- how on earth would we have ever been able to reach that conclusion if we had not all been willing to sit down and work on this all together? As the parent of a child who has been through therapy for behavioral issues for some time now, I cannot imagine her going through this alone, nor could I imagine my husband and I in therapy alone and resolving the issues without our child as a part of the solution. That does not make good sense to me. We have learned so much with our therapist and the programs our daughter has taken part in, and we are working on these things together as a family, because there are some ways that we had been contributing to the behavior without ever realizing it- how on earth would we have ever been able to reach that conclusion if we had not all been willing to sit down and work on this all together?

]]> By: Felixa http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/in-therapy-child-parent/#comment-20107 Felixa Mon, 20 Jul 2009 09:52:44 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/?p=2946#comment-20107 Wouldnt it be easier to pretend a GIJOE or a BARBIE is the child requiring therapy. Wouldnt it be easier to pretend a GIJOE or a BARBIE is the child requiring therapy.

]]> By: Aileen http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/in-therapy-child-parent/#comment-20092 Aileen Sun, 19 Jul 2009 20:29:17 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/?p=2946#comment-20092 But parents are going to be better able to articulate the problems than a child might be able to do. Does not sound bad to me at all to get the parental point of view. Do not ignore the child outright but I think that the parents can be a valuable resource here. But parents are going to be better able to articulate the problems than a child might be able to do. Does not sound bad to me at all to get the parental point of view. Do not ignore the child outright but I think that the parents can be a valuable resource here.

]]> By: Francis W. http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/in-therapy-child-parent/#comment-20070 Francis W. Sat, 18 Jul 2009 19:26:55 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/?p=2946#comment-20070 What's next, drive-thru psychology? Never meeting the child means you never get to hear their side of the story. Parents, like children, can be convincing liars. To deny the child a voice of their own isn't fair. What’s next, drive-thru psychology? Never meeting the child means you never get to hear their side of the story. Parents, like children, can be convincing liars. To deny the child a voice of their own isn’t fair.

]]> By: Hannah http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/in-therapy-child-parent/#comment-20051 Hannah Fri, 17 Jul 2009 19:51:08 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/?p=2946#comment-20051 Ha! Treat the child without ever seieng the child? Sorry but that is a joke to me. Sounds like someone not wanting to get down to the nitty gritty of the problem. Should parents be involved? Yes I think that is key. But to ignore the child is irresponsible at best. Ha! Treat the child without ever seieng the child? Sorry but that is a joke to me. Sounds like someone not wanting to get down to the nitty gritty of the problem. Should parents be involved? Yes I think that is key. But to ignore the child is irresponsible at best.

]]> By: Lucy http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/in-therapy-child-parent/#comment-20040 Lucy Thu, 16 Jul 2009 23:59:57 +0000 http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/?p=2946#comment-20040 I'm aghast to hear it mentioned that outside the MFT field it's less accepted that you can treat parents and see an effect on their children.. The fundamental concept underlying this is systems theory. I guess that's why it's best to leave treatment of families to MFT's and VERY important for isolationist child psychotherapists to get some family systems training. I’m aghast to hear it mentioned that outside the MFT field it’s less accepted that you can treat parents and see an effect on their children.. The fundamental concept underlying this is systems theory. I guess that’s why it’s best to leave treatment of families to MFT’s and VERY important for isolationist child psychotherapists to get some family systems training.

]]>