Trauma: Why Can’t I Just Forget About It?

November 10th, 2009
By Susanne M. Dillmann, Psy.D., Post Traumatic Stress / Trauma Topic Expert Contributor

Click here to contact Susanne and/or see her GoodTherapy.org Profile

Facebook Delicious Stumbleupon     Tweet

Many individuals who have survived a traumatic life event wish to simply forget about the experience and hope that forgetting will be synonymous with overcoming. However, it is not possible to erase out pivotal life experiences or to truly forget about them. The human mind, body and/or soul remember and clamor for healing. Healing from the wounds inflicted by a traumatic experience takes time, perseverance and faith – faith that one will heal, that life will not always be so painful and that the trauma will not always define one’s sense of self.

So if one cannot forget away a traumatic experience then how does one heal? The process or act of growing through a traumatic event can be divided into three quasi-linear stages or phases (please see the work of Judith Herman, M.D. for a detailed discussion of the phases of healing). People move through each one of these stages in their healing journey. The pace at which people grow through the phases varies. Overall, an individual will journey through the phases in a progressive manner even though at any point in time someone may be moving back and forth between the three stages. This re-visiting of past phases is not backwards movement but rather an integral part of the healing process. This article will focus on the first phase of healing, which has the central theme of establishing safety.

In phase one the exploration and establishment of safety refers to both safety within one’s environment and safety within oneself. This first task of healing can take days, weeks or even years to establish. The length of time needed depends on the individual as well as how chronic the traumatic event(s) was. In general, the longer someone was exposed to the trauma, the longer it will take to develop a sense of safety. For many survivors this can be a difficult stage because it may require that the survivor dramatically change his or her life/lifestyle.

Safety within one’s environment is based on having a safe living situation, which is often linked to sufficient financial stability. Therefore, one of the psychological tasks of the first phase of healing is to develop enough emotional balance in order to ensure stable, consistent and productive employment. Once this safe living situation is created then a survivor can begin to hone her or his skillfulness with regards to navigating the world. For some people this may include re-claiming one’s confidence in being able to move about society i.e. driving/taking the bus, walking on the street, interacting with strangers in stores, etc…. For others their confidence will need to be enhanced through knowledge about how to determine the potential dangerousness of another person or situation. While it is not possible to control other people’s behaviors it is possible to learn how to “read” the warning signs of danger. Learning how to identify and pick up danger signals allows one to increase one’s verbal as well as physical self-protection. Developing and implementing self-protection skills requires an ability to trust one’s perspective, exercise independent judgment and take initiative as well as action. Therefore, growing these skills and gaining this knowledge is a central task within this phase of healing. The final component of developing safety within one’s environment is rooted in having a social network that is both safe and supportive. A safe social support network means that one has a group of individuals who can and will provide protection, emotional support or practical help when life’s adversities arise. The creation of such a network depends on learning how to create and maintain healthy relationships and requires that one remove or distance oneself from any person who is a potential source of danger. This is especially true for survivors of man-made traumas. If one has been traumatized by the behaviors of another person(s) then it is imperative to assess the degree of continuing threat, the potential for re-victimization or revenge and to develop appropriate precautions and protective measures.

As one’s environment becomes increasingly safe one is able to turn one’s focus inward and begin developing skills, which will enable one to establish internal safety. Creating safety within oneself includes both physical and emotional safety. Focusing on one’s physical health by tending to any ailments as well as by eating healthy, exercising regularly and sleeping sufficiently lays the foundation for a balanced internal life. The skills of emotion management build upon this foundation and play a vital role within this phase. If someone is avoiding or reducing emotions through self-harming behaviors such as cutting, burning or drug/alcohol/food/behavioral addictions, then less damaging behaviors must be developed to systematically replace and terminate the self-harming behaviors. Additional strategies for avoiding or reducing emotions that will need to be altered are the over or under recognition and reaction to emotions i.e. exaggerating an emotion so that it will be taken seriously or blocking out all emotions. Therefore, learning how to experience one’s emotions as they are without fleeing or magnifying them becomes a crucial aspect of one’s healing. Just as developing safety within one’s external world requires learning or re-learning a set of skills, so too does managing one’s internal world. Many people find that working with an experienced mental health provider is both beneficial and necessary when learning how to be safe in one’s body and environment.

Due to the fact that a sense of safety is intertwined with issues of trust: trusting others and oneself, the growth through this first phase is often gradual and can have a halting – stop and go – quality to it. The survivor will know that she or he has grown through this phase when 1) she or he no longer feels utterly vulnerable, 2) has a degree of confidence in her or his ability to protect her or himself, 3) is able to manage her or his emotional reactions to both life events and trauma triggers in a healthy, non-damaging way and 4) she or he knows whom to count on for safety and support. Even though it may take awhile to accomplish the tasks of this phase, people do exit this phase and lead healthier, more balanced and happier lives. If one engages in the healing journey one will find that this journey has its hard parts as well as refreshing moments and most importantly is doable. Healing is possible.

 

Facebook Delicious Stumbleupon     Tweet

©Copyright 2009 by Susanne M. Dillmann, Psy.D., therapist in Escondido, CA. All Rights Reserved.

 Print This Post

• Find the Right Therapist

  Enter Zip or City: 100 Miles
•