The growing presence of false and misleading information being disseminated through news outlets, social media, and word of mouth is growing at an alarming rate across the globe (van der Lineen et al., 2020). In order to further explore the concept of “fake news” or misinformation, we must first know the difference between a few other terms. Allcott and Gentzkow (2017) go on to draw the difference between fake news and a few of its closely related cousins, thus, fake news is not:

1. Unintentional reporting mistakes

2. Rumors that do not originate from a particular news article

3. Conspiracy theories (these are, by definition, difficult to verify as true or false, and they are typically originated by people who believe them to be true

4. Satire that is unlikely to be misconstrued as factual

5. False statements made by politicians

6. Reports that are slanted or misleading but not outright false

A popular narrative is that the failure to discern between true and false news is rooted in political motivations. According to psychology researchers Gordan Pennycook and David Rand (2021), “…people are motivated consumers of (mis)information when they engage in ‘identity-protective cognition’ when faced with politically divisive content. This leads them to be overly believing of content that is consistent with their partisan identity and overly skeptical of content that is inconsistent with their partisan identity” (p. 389).

Pennycook and Rand (2021) also stated that:

“One might expect that people share news on social media because they believe it is true. Accordingly, the widespread sharing of false content is often taken as evidence of widespread false beliefs. However, recent work has shown that social media sharing judgments can actually be quite divergent from judgments about accuracy. For example, participants who were asked about the accuracy of a set of headlines rated true headlines as much more accurate than false headlines; but, when asked whether they would share the headlines, accuracy had little impact on sharing intentions – both in the context of political headlines and headlines about COVID-19. As a result, sharing intentions for false headlines were much higher than assessments of their truth, indicating that many people were apparently willing to share content that they could have identified as being inaccurate” (p. 393).

Additionally, many Americans believe that fake news causes political confusion regarding basic facts about current issues regardless of their political affiliation, gender, age, educational level, race, or income (Leeder, 2019).

A wealth of research has been done on why people are susceptible to believing or even seeking out fake news which include two main fields of thought:

1. Confirmation bias (the idea that we seek out information that confirms or justifies our held beliefs) and,

2. a lack critical thinking skills or intellectual curiosity (Brown, 2020 – present).

However, no research has been done on the emotional or psychological connections between those who adopt fake news as true and their interpersonal relationship to shame, vulnerability, and fear. One possibility that has not been addressed by either confirmation bias, or the lack of critical thinking skills is the concept of belonging and fear of disconnection. Since connection to groups provides people with a source of safety (Brown, 2021), it is possible people may align themselves with fake or misleading information as long as it gives them access to a social support group. If we subscribe to Brown’s (2021) research that suggests that when we are in fear we will look for answers and who to blame; then we are arguably even more susceptible to fake news adoption. In times of great cultural and personal crisis, we often turn to our personal connections and social groups for reassurance, guidance, or support (Gottlieb, 2019). However, if we lack access to those connections, as many people have been as a result of Covid-19, then we may arguably turn to virtual spaces for support or even answers. What can be seen here is that the more disconnected we are as a culture, the more likely we may be to seek out answers (even wrong answers) from unreliable places.

Thus, here is a list of tips for analyzing news sources from Benedictine University:

1. When you open up a news article in your browser, open a second, empty tab. Use that second window to look up claims, author credentials and organizations that you come across in the article.
2. Check your own search attitude and biases: Is your search language biased in any way? Are you paying more attention to the information that confirms your own beliefs and ignoring evidence that does not?
3. Fake news spans across all kinds of media – printed and online articles, podcasts, YouTube videos, radio shows, even still images.
4. As Mad-Eye Moody said in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, “Constant Vigilance!” Always be ready to fact check.
5. Be suspicious of pictures!: Not all photographs tell truth or unfiltered truth. Images are normally edited or process, but sometimes they are digitally manipulated. Some are born digital. A Google reverse image search can help discover the source of an image and its possible variations.
6. Even the best researchers will be fooled once in a while. If you find yourself fooled by a fake news story, use your experience as a learning tool.

References

1) Allcott, H., & Gentzkow, M. (2017). Social media and fake news in the 2016 election. Journal of Economic Perspectives, 31, 211–236.

2) Benedictine University Library. (Retrieved: November 19, 2022). Fake news: Develop your own fact-checking skills: Tips and ticks. Retrieved from: https://researchguides.ben.edu/c.php?g=608230&p=4378839

3) Brown, B. (Host). (2020 – Present). Unlocking Us [Audio podcast]. Spotify. https://brenebrown.com/unlockingus/

4) Brown, B. (2021). Atlas of the heart: Mapping meaningful connection and the language of human experience. Random House.

5) Gottlieb, L. (2019). Maybe you should talk to someone. Houghton Mifflin Harcourt.

6) Leeder, C. (2019). How college students evaluate and share “fake news” stories. Library and Information Science Research, 41, 1 – 11. https doi.org/10.1016/j.lisr.2019.100967

7) Pennycook, G., & Rand, D. G. (2021). The psychology of fake news. Science Direct, 25(5), 388-402.

8) Van der Linden, S., Panagopoulos, C., & Roozenbeek, J. (2020). You are fake news: Political bias in perceptions of fake news. Media Culture & Society, 43(3), 460 – 470. https://doi: 10.1177/0163443720906992

by Katherine French-Ewing, MA, Licensed Professional Counselor in Colorado

What Are YOUR Ripple Effects?

The other day, I was in the grocery store people-watching (a favorite pastime). I noticed a disturbing trend – heads down, eyes averted, super-weary body language, people silently walking around as if under a spell. My heart wept to see the disconnection. The ripple effects of this pandemic are real.

With your mask on, are you still connecting with others, making eye contact and smiling with your eyes? Or are you, like most of us, going into an auto-pilot, “find what I need and get out” mentality? To offer levity and joy, I try to go out of my way to verbally connect with people while shopping or running errands. It’s funny how diverse the responses are – surprise, delight, relief… always positive, though. I want the ripple effects of how I show up to be life-giving. 

Pandemic Ripple Effects

Have you found yourself sleepwalking through life lately? Phrases I hear frequently from new clients are “I am just trying to survive” and “I feel numb, like I don’t have time to feel anything” or “I feel ______(fill in the blank) all the time and it gets worse if I am in public.” A core part of our humanity is to yearn to be seen, heard, and to know that our existence matters. The challenge is affirming these pieces in others even when you feel less-than-affirmed yourself.  

Am I Seen?

This is our cry for uniqueness. Ever noticed how some people are making or buying blinged-out masks so they can wear something that stands out? Perhaps it is because they want to be recognized as someone who brings something unique to the table. With everyone in masks, we are slowly being desensitized to the non-verbal signals around us, sometimes resulting in a deep sense of disconnect and division. Intentional connection with those around you can overcome this phenomenon; compliment them or offer a smile so they know you see them.

Am I Heard?

With so many voices being silenced in social media today and so much content being censored, those who had been struggling pre-pandemic to believe the truth — that their voice matters — easily fall into despondent, defeatist mindsets. Find your tribe and offer your voice there in that safe space. If you feel fired up about something, consider what steps you can take to share your opinion where it will be taken seriously and respected. Your story and your perspective matter.

Do I Matter?

Your life is significant in ways you are not even aware of. Do what lights you up, and do it with all your heart. We are drawn to those who are walking in step with their values and passions. Perhaps what you are bringing into the light inspires someone else to step out courageously. When you are stuck fixating on your life circumstances, widen your scope and seek out those in need. Meet that need the best way you can and watch what happens within your heart and community. Serving others brings purpose to your life in a deeply meaningful way. The gifts, passions, and skills you can offer are unique and greatly needed.

Choose Your Ripple Effects

Think of the image of a beautifully still lake. If we throw a heavy object into that water, what happens? Think of those ripples as your decisions and thoughts every day. Are they having a positive, neutral, or negative effect on others? Today, I challenge you to gently consider what your ripple effects are in this season. Maybe even journal about it or chat with a trusted friend or family member for feedback. If your effects aren’t aligned with your values and the core of who you are, then maybe it is worth re-evaluating how you are showing up in this world. If you had a positive ripple effect on others consistently, how would your life feel and look? Connecting with a professional who is for your growth, who offers a compassionate, objective perspective, can be a game-changing experience. Your life matters. Your impact on others matters.

Working with a therapist to deal with the ripple effects of the pandemic on your life could be the best way for you to grow. Many therapists, like Katherine, offer free initial consultations so you can ensure a good fit. Search therapists in your area and find the right-fit therapist for you!

by Dr. Jocelyn Markowicz, Psychologist

Tyler Perry Talks Psychology: Teaching Resiliency with the Message to Climb and Maintain

Tyler Perry, the infamous producer and actor, within the full breadth of his creative fortitude, delivered the best simplification of the concept of resilience. In his guest talk at a church in Texas, he provided a powerfully simple way to inspire resilience. In his speech, he told the audience to “Climb and Maintain.” His message aimed to inspire people not to give up on their dreams even in the face of problems and hardship. In short, Perry spoke about resilience.

Resilience

Resilience is a concept developed in the field of psychology. Resilience focuses on climbing and maintaining in pursuit of your goal. The climb is the action(s) you take toward your goal, while the maintenance is your ability to resist the risks in the physical and social environment, overcoming stress and adversity to maintain relatively good psychological and physical health (Garmezy, 1983; Werner & Smith, 1982) and achieve your dreams.

Are we all innately resilient? Can we develop resiliency if we do not possess it? If we “climb and maintain” as Tyler Perry inspires us to do, will it lead to success? Psychological research has provided the answers regarding who can climb and maintain and what outcomes may arise from persisting through life stressors. Let’s take a look.

Is Resiliency an Innate Trait? No.

When children are born, their parents often hope that they will be able to teach them everything they need to overcome obstacles, persist despite challenges, and achieve their dreams. However, despite this hope, parents may discover that their children give up easily, do not believe in themselves, and fall short of fighting through adversity. Are some children naturally more able to cope with stress and persist through adversity toward achieving their dreams? Are some children ill-equipped by nature to handle life’s challenges? Psychologists determined that resilience is less of an innate trait than it is a trait that is developed over time (Trivedi et al., 2011). Essentially, resilience can be learned. This means that parents can help their easily conquered or sluggishly motivated child persist through the stress toward achieving their dreams. 

If resilience is learned, how do we help someone develop resiliency?

How Can We Develop Resiliency?

Resiliency involves coping mechanisms and support systems necessary to promote well-being (Luthar & Brown, 2007). Therapy is an excellent resource for resiliency development. In therapy, individuals, couples, and families learn about effective coping mechanisms. They are encouraged to utilize them to progress through stressful life situations. Therapy also becomes part of a support system that strengthens the development of resiliency muscles to motivate you to persist. We are biologically designed to connect with others. Healthy family, peer, and career support systems also enable us to strengthen our internal systems so that we can effectively cope and persist toward our goals. Starting therapy is part of the climb, and continuing treatment is part of the maintenance toward your life goals. 

How Do We Climb and Maintain?

Increasing an individual’s resilience can help improve mental health (Koelmel, Hughes, Alschuler, & Ehde, 2017). The American Psychological Association (APA, 2020) offered greater detail regarding how to “climb and maintain” towards your life goals. They suggested several ways that describe the climbing process that Tyler Perry illuminated. 

Climb

In order to act towards your goals, according to APA, you have to 

1. Be proactive.
2. Take steps to move toward your goals.
3. Look for opportunities of self-discovery to inform the next steps you take.

Maintain

APA offered ways to maintain your climb as well: 

1. Embracing healthy thoughts
2. Accepting change

In essence, in order to maintain your climb, you have to accept the inevitability of change that will require you to revise your perspective and elevate your thinking. 

Overcoming Stress

Optimal mental health is important to successfully overcome life stressors. The higher you climb towards your dreams, the larger those stressors can become. To maintain your climb towards your dreams, you must take care of your mental health. Therapy can help you cope with stressors and offer needed support in the face of adversity. 

How Can Therapy Motivate People to Want to Develop Resiliency?

Often, the most challenging part of motivating someone is determining how. What is the best way to challenge and encourage this specific person? 

The act of climbing sounds simple enough. You move one foot out in front of you. You then take the other foot and move it up to join or pass its partner. Wait, that described walking. How is climbing different from walking? Climbing adds pressure on the joints due to elevation. To climb, you must indeed start with one foot, not just placed in front, but higher than your walking step. Then you must take the other foot and also put it higher than your walking step. A movement toward your goals requires moving with added weight and strain. 

We sometimes need motivation to move through pressure. Therapists use a technique called Motivational Interviewing (MI) to help individuals take the steps toward resiliency development. Motivational Interviewing is a method of eliciting an individual’s motivation for change, then guiding them to act on that motivation. Motivational Interviewing is perfect for individuals needing help to get motivated enough to start their climb as well as for those who need support and encouragement to maintain. Motivational Interviewing has been wonderfully successful at improving motivation and action at a rate of 80-95% (Rubak, Sandaek, Lauritzen, & Christensen, 2005). Thank you, Tyler Perry, for talking psychology so that others can seek help on the journey toward their dreams!

To find a therapist who can help you grow in resiliency, start your search today!

References

American Psychological Association. (2020, February 1). Building your resilience. http://www.apa.org/topics/resilience

Garmezy,  N.  (1983).  Stressors of childhood.  In  N. Garmezy & M. Rutter (Eds.),Stress, coping, and development in children(pp. 43– 84). New York, NY: McGraw-Hill.

Koelmel, E., Hughes, A. J., Alschuler, K. N., & Ehde, D. M. (2017). Resilience mediates the longitudinal relationships between social support and mental health outcomes in multiple sclerosis. Archives of Physical Medicine and Rehabilitation, 98, 1139 –1148.

Luthar, S. S., & Brown, P. J. (2007). Maximizing resilience through diverse levels of inquiry: Prevailing paradigms, possibilities, and priorities for the future. Development and Psychopathology, 19, 931-955.

Rutter,  M.  (1987).  Psychosocial resilience and protective mechanisms. American Journal of Ortho-psychiatry, 57, 316 –331.

Trivedi, R. B., Bosworth, H., Resnicow, K. & McMaster, F. ( 2012). Motivational Interviewing: moving from why to how with autonomy support. International Journal of Physical Activity, 9-19.

Rubak, S., Sandaek, A., Lauritzen, T., & Christensen, B. (2005). Motivational interviewing: a systematic review and meta-analysis. British Journal of General Practice, 55(513): 305–312.

Trivedi, Ranak & Bosworth, Hayden & Jackson, George. (2011). Resilience in Aging. 10.1007/978-1-4419-0232-0_12.

Werner, E. E., & Smith, R. S. (1982).Vulnerable but invincible: A longitudinal study of resilient children and youth. New York, NY: McGraw-Hill.

by Nancy Bortz, Psychotherapist

Self-Development and Self-Centeredness

Is self-development self-centered? Frankly, yes and no. The answer is “yes” when we’re merely analyzing the short-term and “no” when we’re taking a long-term perspective. While prioritizing your own personal growth may look a little like selfishness at first blush, the ultimate aim of self-development is you being your best self, which is better for everyone around you, not just you. 

Keeping the Goal in Mind

When you focus on yourself for the purpose of self-development, you may need to be rather isolated at times. Nonetheless, this isolation should be viewed as temporary, with the ultimate goal of having a meaning that extends beyond the self.

Thinking Like a Champion

For instance, we often hear how Olympic athletes lose contact with friends and family when their training ramps up in the pursuit of a podium spot. This strain on their relationships is caused by the “self-centeredness” of the Olympian. It may be hard for the athlete’s friends outside their athletic circle to understand the absolute focus required for success at the highest level. The athlete, however, knows what is required and is encouraged by their coaches to pursue excellence above all else. In this example, the athlete may even be shunned by the people closest to them due to a lack of understanding. However, the athlete must do what is required to achieve their dreams; they cannot afford to get wrapped up in the misguided expectations of others.

Self-development requires a degree of self-centeredness, at least in the short-term. Nonetheless, the long-term benefits are hopefully much more altruistic. Using our prior example, if the athlete were to win a gold medal, a generation of athletes and civilians alike may be inspired to achieve their dreams. Furthermore, the “hero’s journey” is complete at this point, and the hero can reunite with the friends and family that were temporarily neglected, assuming no bridges were burned too severely.

Don’t Be Derailed by Naysayers

It is important to remind ourselves that being labeled “selfish” is not the end of the world. You must remind yourself of your motives for pursuing personal development, even when it’s time-consuming or isolating. As long as seeking the approval of others is not your underlying internal drive, keeping your meaning and intention in mind will prove beneficial. Self-development is incredibly rewarding for not only the person on such a pursuit but also for society! A person who has overcome the obstacles to become a greater version of themselves can be an inspirational force for others. 

Digging even deeper, a person who has emphasized personal development becomes stronger and is thus more able to resist the forces that bring down society. It is ultimately the weak-minded individual who will fall prey to peer pressure or the mob. A chain is only as strong as its weakest link, and it is up to each individual to ensure the weakest link is not who they see when they look in the mirror.

Applying This in Your Own Self-Development Work

If you are still wondering how to apply self-development principles in your life (assuming that you are not training for a spot in the future Olympic Games), you may simply want to practice incremental changes. If, for example, you are aspiring towards a promotion at work, instead of going out drinking with friends on the weekend, consider devoting more time to your professional development. This can take the form of taking continuing education courses, reading business books, joining a professional coaching group, reaching out to a leader you admire in your professional circle for mentorship—anything that would directly contribute to on-the-job success.

Your friends may not be thrilled with your decision initially. Still, hopefully, they will come around when you get that much sought-after promotion. Securing this promotion may allow you to lead others on a broader scale and have your positive vision enacted. This can benefit your company and your company’s contribution to society. You are also setting a higher standard for your friends. You are gaining commendable strength in the process, which will pay dividends in many ways.

How a Good Therapist Can Help

Finding a good therapist can be a brilliant first step in making these tough decisions. A good therapist can help you gain self-confidence and the skills that will be necessary for your journey of self-development. Many different techniques can be utilized in therapy. I encourage you to find a therapist who implements the modalities you desire.

About Nancy: I am a psychotherapist in Denver, CO. I have been in the field for twenty years and have extensive experience helping individuals and couples realize their goals and become who they really are and all they can be. I hope you enjoyed this short article of my thoughts as a professional who knows that living true to oneself is the answer many are searching for.

Click through to search for a therapist in your area to support your personal growth and self-development.

The Power of Habits Part 3: Establishing a Good Habit

Establishing a new habit might be your goal if you are trying to make positive changes in your life. In the last two articles, we covered the benefits of harnessing the power of habits for good and how to quit bad habits. This article will discuss how to form a good habit.

Refresher: 3 Things We Have Learned Already

#1 Habits Can Be Good

Not all habits are bad. We may assume something negative when we hear the word “habit.” This might include nail-biting, overspending, or lack of exercise. The truth is, habits can be good. Establishing a good habit can help us lead healthier and well-balanced mental, physical, and emotional lives.

#2 Bad Habits Are Hard to Break

Bad habits are hard to break because our brains are hard-wired to depend on them. Repetitive actions have trained our minds that those actions are important and necessary. This challenge makes it difficult to let go of bad habits and train our brain not to depend on them.

#3 How to Break Bad Habits

In the last article, we discussed how to quit bad habits. This included methods like talking to a therapist. Talking to a therapist can help us rewire our brains and form good habits, rather than defaulting to habits that aren’t serving us. In the last article, we also discussed other methods like replacing bad habits with something else, changing your routine, and talking with those around you.

Let’s Dispell Some Myths

Timeframes

How long does it take to form a habit? There are a lot of different numbers floating around out there . A popular timeframe is 21 days, but this isn’t rooted in science. In fact, the science demonstrates a wide range that varies per person: 18–254 days. James Clear, author of Atomic Habits: An Easy and Proven Way to Build Good Habits and Break Bad Ones, writes about the seminal 2009 study by Dr. Phillippa Lally that showed this range. The average of all study participants’ days to habit mastery came to 66. 

It’s helpful to remember Lally’s study on habits when you’re working on a new habit. With unrealistic expectations, it’d be easy to get discouraged if you were looking at day 30 in your habit formation journey and didn’t feel it taking root. With this study in mind, you can rest assured that there’s nothing wrong with you—habits just take a while. 

Progress, Not Perfection

Clear goes on to note that the study proves habit formation doesn’t require a perfect practice record. A couple of missed opportunities to reinforce the habit don’t have a long-term effect on your habit adoption if you stick with it over time. 

Creating a New Habit

To establish a good habit, a few things need to happen:

#1 Identify the Good Habits You Want to Adopt

What are the good habits you want to implement in your life? They might include an exercise regimen, a healthy diet, maintaining good relationships, establishing a consistent schedule, or anything else that could benefit the quality of your life. Start by listing the good habits you wish to implement in your life.

#2 Start Small 

When we want to make change happen in our lives, our initial instinct is to think big. We imagine our ideal life and, instead of planning out baby steps to get there, we may try to jump straight into that ideal life. We may set specific time frames and restrictions around when these new habits need to be established. This tendency can be dangerous. 

Thinking on too grand a scale can cause us to experience burnout very quickly. Think of it as muscle development. If your goal is to bench 200 lbs and you can currently bench 110 lbs, your best option is not to stroll into the gym and try 200 lbs tomorrow. You have to build up your strength incrementally over time in order to reach your goal or you might really hurt yourself. Similarly, we cannot take on too much too quickly when it comes to creating habits. The life you want requires “muscles” like strong new neural pathways and emotional and mental determination—muscles that can only develop with practice. For this reason, it is important to start small. Start with one good habit at a time and build from there. By limiting our focus to developing one habit at a time, we’re better able to do the necessary practice. 

#3 Practice Persistence 

The most common reason people do not start a good habit is that they were not successful on their first attempt. If you start a new habit and fail (whether on day 3 or day 39), do not give up. Keep working hard, keep trying—practice is the key to starting a good habit. To make the new habit’s neural pathway your brain’s preferred option, you have to reinforce it through lots of practice in every situation where you want it to be your default. Say you want to establish a habit of doing all the dishes after dinner each day. You’ll need to be very intentional about doing dishes every night. Time after time, the cue, or trigger, of finishing dinner needs to be followed by the choice and action of doing the dishes. 

If you are eager to start a good habit and do not know where to start, a therapist can be an excellent resource. Click through to learn more about behavioral health therapists in your area who can help you establish good habits and build the life you want.

For more in this series, see 

The Power of Habits, Part 2: Leaving Habits Behind

The Power of Habits, Part 3: How to Form a Good Habit

References

Clear, J. (2020, February 04). How long does it take to form a Habit? Backed by science. Retrieved March 16, 2021, from https://jamesclear.com/new-habit

by Nancy Bortz, Psychotherapist

Become Your Own Hero

We all have ideas about our personal heroes, but have you ever thought about how you can be your own hero? Ask yourself: what is a hero?

I have had a handful of heroes in my life. These heroes have been people that loved me unconditionally and took care of me. With them, I was free to experience life as magical, full of wonder, and laughter. My heroes were primarily people that lived in my heart and soul. My heroes protected me from evil and pulled me through the darkness when a cloud would follow me from above.

Growing Up

As my life continued to unfold, my heroes were not so present in my life. They remained in my heart. My heroes shaped me to be a loving, kind, and respectful person. I learned how to value myself and others through the lens of my heroes.

A shift occurred in my life where I was challenged to find my own way. That was a very scary period in my life. My life became very dark, and I had to find my way. I remember living in internal darkness and believing that I would find the light as though there were light switches down in the depths of deep sorrow. I grew stronger as a person – I had to become my own hero as I traveled these new paths.

4 Elements of Inner Strength

1. Finding Light Along Your Path

I learned that there is always light in darkness if you allow yourself to be patient. It comes in many forms. It’s as though these magical hands came to grab mine and lead me in a direction that provided me hope, strength, and new promise.

It’s really important to know there is a path that leads us out of the darkness into the light. We must understand that correcting life patterns take time and patience. There is no quick fix when we desire true change in ourselves. I am referring to sustainable change. The outcome is never as important as the journey.

2. Trusting Yourself

I became my own hero when I began to trust myself. I knew I could take myself anywhere and that I had my own back. I had developed a true sense of self, an authentic self where I was able to use my voice. I now trust my judgment, and I am very comfortable in my own skin.

3. Loving Yourself

I think the most important element of becoming my own hero is self-love. Anything is possible with self-love. Self-love has brought back two of my heroes in my life. There is no greater gift for me than love.

4. Being Yourself

I want you to become your own hero so that you can learn to express yourself fully from your heart and soul. I want you to become an integrated person where you connect your head with your heart. Speaking your truth, honoring your voice, and becoming one with yourself is heroic.

Why Does This Matter?

I have learned how to rise up, become more conscious, and live in my true essence. If I can do it, so can you. Focusing on you is heroic. Discovering the sweetness in life is absolutely possible. Let me know how you want to be your own hero. What does that look like for you?

Isn’t that the legacy we want to pass down in our life? I believe the hero lives in all of us. Find yours.

To find a therapist, begin your search today.

How to Go on a True Mental Detox

Ready to detox your life? Working with a therapist can help! Begin your search here today. 

Learning how to go on a true mental detox involves decluttering your mind to increase feelings of peace and rest. With the age of technology, social media, and on-the-go mindsets, achieving true peace-of-mind, where you feel rested and renewed, can feel extremely difficult at times. With so much filling the space in your mind or feeling like you cannot turn off your brain, you might feel increased feelings of anxiety or worry. Keep reading to learn how to go on a true mental detox.

Be Intentional

With so much to do in so little time, it is easy to forget your drive and purpose for why you are doing certain things. Learning how to go on a true mental detox should involve increased intention in every move you make. Setting your intention at the start of each day and before you enter into any activity or decision can help you think more clearly. It can remind you of what your goals are and help keep your thoughts organized as you move forward.

Start Getting Out and Active

Taking yourself out of your normal environment can be a great tool when learning how to go on a true mental detox. Getting outdoors in a quiet environment can help you feel connected to the world around you. Staying active and healthy can help you achieve higher energy levels to accomplish your goals with less stress and anxiety.

Minimize the Use of Technology

Technology and social media are two of the biggest culprits in the cluttering and disorganization of our minds and our attention when learning how to go on a true mental detox. The need to constantly perform, receive attention, or engage in an activity can make it much harder for us to achieve genuine rest. As you lay down or look for something to do on your day off, try to avoid social media or even taking pictures of whatever it is you are doing. By doing this, you can start to learn how to go on a true mental detox and feel truly present. 

Meditation/Prayer

A great way to center yourself is to spend time practicing meditation or prayer depending on your background. Focusing on healthy breath patterns and positive self-affirmations can be a great way to find your focus and teach you how to go on a true mental detox. The discipline of regular meditation or prayer can help you find ways to stay calm throughout your daily life.

Express Your Frustrations

Keeping things walled up inside your mind can quickly lead to increased levels of anxiety or other serious mental health issues. Finding ways to healthily vent about or express the things that frustrate you can help you release those things from your mind. While it is ok to vent to someone you trust, something as simple as “junk journaling” can be an extremely healthy way to release frustrations when learning how to go on a true mental detox.

Self-Reflect

Taking the time to self-reflect and determine what is important to you is valuable when learning how to go on a true mental detox. Take time during your week to evaluate what relationships, objects, activities, and environments hold emotional and mental weight in your life. Take your analysis and use it to determine what things you might need to release in order to achieve happiness or peace.

Consider Therapy

While many of these steps can be extremely useful in your search for mental clarity and peace, there is much more you can do. Partnering with a mental health provider and going to therapy is one of the best ways to learn how to go on a true mental detox. By working with a professional, you can learn new ways to address key areas in your life and work through cluttered areas in your mind.

Just process your mistakes into learning: it sounds simple and obvious. Why would we not want to learn from our mistakes? But as easy as it is to say, resistance can come from some interesting places, and we may not always be aware of it.

For example, when feeling ashamed, you might become convinced there is something irreparably bad about you and lose your ability to connect with others. When that happens, it makes sense that you might try your best to keep a mistake secret and hidden.

When you want very much to be helpful and kind to others, you may make yourself less prone to noticing a mistake, a misunderstanding, or even unintentional harm. When you’re not feeling self-confident or empowered, you may react defensively to criticism or challenging feedback. Generally, when people feel like a mistake is a bad reflection on them, they won’t admit it.

Our very human feeling is that we don’t want to cause harm, and we are afraid of making mistakes. We imagine that we lose power, control, and respect if we do unintentionally cause harm.

Our very human feeling is that we don’t want to cause harm, and we are afraid of making mistakes. We imagine that we lose power, control, and respect if we do unintentionally cause harm.

Learning to Make Mistakes

In my early thirties, I got a job as a carpenter. In the beginning, I was the “go-fer,” wearing new baby blue overalls and eating from a lunchbox from the television show The Waltons. Barney, the company owner, enjoyed teaching carpentry skills and hired minority workers. I was a minority individual as a woman in the 80s. I loved the job and stayed on, but I had to go through quite a learning process that was slowed down by my fear of making mistakes.

I would measure for lumber cuts four and five times before making the cut and would ask Barney for instructions several times. I would measure the distance between nails before hammering them in. You get the idea. I was slow.

One day, Barney said, “You know, the sign of a good carpenter is not one who never makes mistakes, but one who knows how to fix them.” It took months to learn that lesson. Here’s what I noticed: As I let go of fear, I became more skillful. The electric saw became an extension of my hand rather than a difficult, loud tool. As I relaxed, I worked more quickly and easily, and I even made mistakes.

Because I had learned that I could fix mistakes, I could cut another piece of wood and use the one that was too short for something else. Drywall mud can cover imperfect looking cuts. I discovered that fixing a mistake can be quite creative and even produce something better.

Process Mistakes into Learning

Later, as a psychotherapist, I had to apply the same lesson. One sign of a good psychotherapist is not one who never makes mistakes, but one who knows how to track for relationship trouble and then resolve and repair it. Over time and through experience, I relaxed my terror of unintentionally causing harm and developed confidence in my ability to see or feel that my impact was different than my intention. This allowed me to be able to pause, get curious, check in with my client, attend to repair, and in the end, learn something that I could use in the future.

For a simple example, I suggested at the very end of one session that a new client do a little journal writing about the issue she brought up. In this case, I wasn’t aware of a problem until her next session, when she walked in very mad at me saying that I was just like all the other therapists, with an automatic order for journal writing to solve every problem. I paused, acknowledged her anger, and then thanked her for letting me know something about her—that she hates journaling.

I agreed never to suggest that she journal again. I could have gotten defensively caught in trying to explain that I had never ordered journaling, just suggested it, but that would not have restored our connection. My takeaway learning was a reminder that my influence (suggestion heard as an order) in my role as a therapist is stronger than if I were a friend.

You have probably practiced this in your own life in small ways without realizing it. In a romantic relationship, you may have learned that when someone is upset, you ask if what’s needed is sympathy or help with a solution. Maybe you have learned that it is better to ask for something to change instead of talking about what isn’t working. Starting with small situations that might have less of a shame reaction or big impact on your life could help you create a consistent practice. Even small actions in a relationship can have big results.

Tips for Turning Mistakes into Learning Experiences

Here are several pointers for processing mistakes into learning:

• Check for shame. Mistakes aren’t the result of being irreparably bad, but a mischosen action. The mistake is about what you did, not who you are. If you can transform shame into regret and learning, maybe the same mistake won’t be made again.
• Engage your curiosity to discourage defensiveness.
• Reframe mistakes as opportunities for learning.
• Take time to self-reflect and self-correct.
• In the end, let it go. Once you have learned and grown from a painful experience, you don’t need to carry it around any longer. It’s okay to let it go and move on.
• Appreciate the opportunity for learning this mistake has given you.

An Activity for Learning from Mistakes

Try this power-positive activity:

A. Think back over a mistake you made—either a big one or a little one—that you still feel bad about.

Then follow these steps privately:

• Check for shame and change it to regret (move from ‘I am’ statements to ‘I did’ statements).
• Notice any defensiveness, and be curious about the situation instead.
• Self-reflect and identify what you can learn from this and what you can do differently next time.
• Let it go.

B. Get together with a trusted friend, who was not involved in the situation, and go through the same process—but this time, talk it through out loud.

Practice sharing your vulnerability; this can help solidify your learning as well as create a habit of embracing the learning process. Your friend may also be able to bring up other curiosities or observations that help you move away from shame. We are often better at seeing each other’s strengths than our own and can tend to be kinder to each other than to ourselves.

C. Ask someone with whom you have a lingering regret to meet with you.

• Share about your regret and concern.
• Describe what you’ve learned as you’ve thought it over.
• Ask if you can have a do-over (what you would do if you could do it over again).
• Find out how they are responding.
• See if you can agree to let it go.
• Be prepared that they might appreciate the reflection, but not be ready to let things go. This does not mean that your learning is a failure.