Study Measures Impact of Parental Suicide on Children
April 23rd, 2010
A GoodTherapy.org News Summary
Many children grow up facing distinct challenges within their family lives, though some are presented with pronounced difficulty that may have the potential to negatively impact the child’s adult life. The suicide of a parent during childhood is a markedly traumatic experience that may require special care and therapy treatment, and professional have been interested in the effects of such an event on children for some time. In a study performed at Johns Hopkins Children’s Center, researchers recently investigated the potential impact of parental suicide on children’s own likelihood of committing the same deed later on in life.
To carry out the study, researchers focused on statistical data that spanned over the course of thirty years for a group of people in Sweden. Parents involved in the data had either died through suicide, through an accident, or through an illness, or were still alive. The children of these parents were then analyzed for their subsequent rates of psychiatric hospitalization, convictions of violent crime, and death. The study found that children whose parent died through suicide were three times as likely as children with living parents to commit suicide themselves, though this discrepancy disappeared when the children were eighteen or older at the time of the parent’s death. Children whose parent died in an accident while the child was thirteen years of age or younger were twice as likely as kids with living parents to commit suicide, and this tendency likewise disappeared in children of older ages. The death of a parent as the result of illness did not seem to have any impact on suicide rates.
The study highlights the potential for harm among children who experience the death of a parent by suicide before their eighteenth birthday, and researchers suggest that this finding provides ample evidence for the monitoring and distribution of care to kids in such situations. Through providing the right kinds and amounts of support, therapists and other professionals may be able to help break the cycle of suicide in families.
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Comments
As if the loss of a parent is not enough bad news for a child to face,the fact that the parent committed suicide hits the child more than anything else…the child is left confused as to why it happened and because a child cannot often understand the problems that the parent may have had,this confusion can lead up to the child’s adulthood and create problems later on too.
Suicide is such a horrible thing for anyone to have to try to process and deal with, much less a young child. You know there has to be a tendency for the child to think that it was his or her fault, that the adult doing this in some way did this because of them. I hate to see just how profoundly this can impact a child not only now but well into the future. If more people would think about this before committing suicide then maybe numbers would go down.
A child to encounter death is shocking to say the least and to know that a parent actually decided to end his.her life can very very upsetting to a child and may even interfere with the child’s future mental thoughts and behavior.
How could an event like this not have a huge impact in the life of a child? The child will probably not yet quite understand the concept of death and to add to that the fact that this was a death that really did not have to happen adds even more confusion to the mix. Not to mention the fact that suicide is still one of those subjects that for many people remains taboo and they do not know how to talk about it adds even more difficulty to the situation. The child probably feels lost having no one to talk to about what happened and therefore carries that around with him, mulling over it for years.
suicide is such a selfish act- how anyone could do this to their kids and their families is beyond me
Think of the stigma that these kids must endure when peers discover that a prent has committed suicide. It is hard enough to deal with losing a parent to natural causes, but must be even more difficult when he or she dies at his own hand.
This article concerns me greatly as my child’s father committed suicide. We are all getting help and hoping to turn this tragic event into something positive.
We have started a website to help others who are in our position.
Please visit and contribute your thoughts.
Thanks so much
Ginny C – My mother committed suicide when I was 10. It does feel like a very selfish act, but that is only through the eyes of survivors. I think she was so disturbed, she thought she was helping us by freeing us from her. It is hard to imagine feeling that way, unless you have experienced truly suicidal depression.
Jess – You are doing the right thing. My father did not know to get us help and it was a big, unfortunate mistake by someone who otherwise coped well. I would urge your children to think of their circumstances like a chronic condition. Return to therapy whenever necessary and expect it to be, at least, intermittently necessary.
I have kids and I am going through a horrible depression right now. I’ve had traumatic experiences as a child and some of those same feelings are coming up again as an adult. I know it is a selfish thing to do and I know how it would impact my kids. But you reach a certain point when you feel you have no worth and no control over your life and cannot cope regardless of the impact to those around you.
As someone who has attempted suicide twice in the past three years, it is both naieve and simplistic to refer to it as a “selfish” act. Yes, there is a selfish desire to end the pain, whether it be physical, emotional, mental, or a combination. But to suggest that it is ONLY a selfish act is unfair. You can reach a point, despite medication and therapy, where you truly believe everyone esle would also be better off. Jeff touched on this in his comments about his mother. I do agree that it can, and in most cases probably does, cause more harm than good for the surviving family, but please don’t forget that the person who takes his or her own lkife is a victim, too.
Suicide is not always a selfish act. What if there is no other way to provide for your family other than an insurance policy that will take care of them financially for years to come. A life insurance policy that has been in effect for years and the “suicide clause” is over.
Suicides often do not want to die .. they j.u.s.t. w.a.n.t. t.h.e. p.a.i.n. t.o. s.t.o.p. It is vital to help the potential suicide develop coping skills … refocus, away from the pain. One good way is a variation of the 4th Step in AA … grab pencils and paper, sit down and write about the pain. Name names. Name dates, times and circumstances. Brutal honesty helps; the more detail the better. There will be tears. After this is written, take it outside and burn it .. one page at a time. Release the memories in the fire. Let the pain lift and disappear with the ashes. Then, start fresh ..make goals on where you want to be in 6 months, 12 months and 60 months. Do ONE THING every day toward one of those goals .
I have read many of these comments and I do feel that the logical side of a parent suicide more than likely has a very devastating influence on children, especially in my case where my children and I are very close.
While suicide may appear to be a selfish act (and I do believe it can be sometimes), suicide can also be the ultimate surrender. I have been in such severe emotional, psychological, and emotional pain that it is hard for me to be a human being. It is almost like a drug addict is not acting rationally when they need that next hit, all options are open. When the drug addict starts to heal, it can be shocking what the drug addict was willing to do to get the next hit.
I feel this is like my urge to end my life. It is like a drug addict willing to do almost anything for the next hip. The pain becomes so overwhelmeing, so encompassing, the pain cuts off all channels of “normal conscious” and suicde becomes the best choice. The difference is a drug addict can always heal while suicide, if succesfull, is a one time deal.
While I can see how many of you can see and say that suicide is selfish, it is my firm belief that for many it is the overwhelming pain that drives away all conscous thought and increases the desire to end the pain the most effective way possible.
Hope these words find someone.
People who characterize suicide as a selfish act are unfamiliar with severe depression. There are times of extreme stress, depression, trauma, alcohol or drug use, etc. that interfere with a person’s ability to think logically or rationally including considering the effect of their actions upon others, even loved ones. If you can’t empathize with a parent who has suicidal thoughts or actually kills him/herself consider yourself lucky to live such a blessed life.
Committing Suicide is the MOST SELFISH ACT EVER!!!!! I understand that you can be going through so much it almost seems impossible to get through it. I was going to committ suicide until someone pulled me down off the top! And there is no doubt that all I was being was selfish!!! I had a baby who needed me more then anything else! If your children aren’t a good enough reason for you to want to live no matter what you are going through or what you are feeling then you are nothing but pathetic. If you are considering it then seriously go get help. How selfish of you to want to take the EASY way out and leave your child to deal with it alone! Stop feeling sorry for yourself and start thinking about how you are going to effect those around you. You are only the victim if you choose to be. So stop letting whatever it is that you have gone through or are going through control your feelings and your life!!! You can get through anything! You just need to believe in yourself!
I have had several friends commit suicide. It was never a selfish act to me. They just could not see their way out of the pain. Human life is complex. There are no easy answers. To Steve, you do have some control and power. Just by expressing your feelings on this page for others to read, you are engaging in an act of sharing and caring. There is great sensitivity in what you write. I know a definition of a loving act act which includes to behave in a caring and sensitive way. For you to do so indicates that you know there is a meaning in life that you can share with your family. I wish you well, whatever road you follow.
what is the impact on children if it was an unsuccessful attempt?
my past partener and the mother of my 13 year old daughter did the unthinkable in the past days. left to pick up the piece`s and try to explain to my daughter what has happened, hard, when i don`t even understand. reading these articles has helped, thanks
Taylor, thank you, thank you, thank you ! My father commited suicide when I was five years old ( I am now 40) and have spent the last 20 years or so wondering why I wasn’t a good enough reason for my father wanting to live. Suicide is a selfish, pathetic act that leaves devistation and destruction in it’s aftermath
For 44 years I have returned to therapy, as needed, after my father’s suicide (I was six). The therapy which has helped me the most is EMDR therapy. It stands for Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing. You can google EMDR to look up a therapist near you.
The common talk therapy approach was usually painful for me and I didn’t seem to make a lot of progress. I’m not sure how EMDR works, however, now I can think of the traumatic event and it’s complicated fallout without it triggering strong emotional pain. I have had a chronic physical illness for the past six years, and after healing emotionally through EMDR, the physical illness is almost gone. Isn’t it interesting how one’s physical and emotional health are so interconnected?
I have recently loss my x husband and he was still my best friend to suicide. We will never really know way ,but I do know that he was so u happy in his new marriage and his wife did not want him around our little girl. I will never stop wishing that i could have saved him. Please help me with any information you have on . HOW TO COPE AND BE STRONG FOR MY LITTLE ANGEL WHO ALSO HAS MENTAL PROBLEMS.I have never remarried and don’t know if I can because she is a real had full at times.
People over complete the issue. My kids are grown and do not need ot show much interest in me so I feel they will adjust. Life is cruel and in my case 90% of my waking hours are very painful. I am 57, retired froma career i hated, and have reised three very delightful children. iI am no longer an important part of their lives or any other family member for that matter. Life sure can change. They don,t seem to excited about seeing me or ever calling. They are all I have ever had to be extremely roud of but I still feel lucky i fathered them and was needed until they left for college. They are gone. I hate sublight as it is the start of another painful day. If I were sure iI would cause no long term emotional damage I would have calledd 911, told them to come get my organ donor card off my then dead bodyand save 3`or 4 lives at the expense of on miseable one. My best years are behind me and it will only get worse. My wife has little respect for me and is only afraid of being alone, which I don,t worry too much about. Everyone knows after 30 years if a person really cares about them. If a person is depressed and miserable 90% of the time with no reason to feel it will get better they would be stupid to continue living a life of misery. The first 55 except for an abussive father (not a dad and there is a big difference)were great but the last 4 have been EXTREMELY painful. I just want to make sure I would not ruin another persons life by taking mine and probably save others as I am very healthy for my age of 57. I’d rather repair someone elses family dreams than go on being someone of little to no value that is so miserable. My family will be fine financially and has little need for me otherwise. Good Luck To All those of you in the ultimate struggle.
Scott
Scott
@Virginia – Many do think of the harm it will do to their kids – but when the ex has vowed to destroy the now-deadbeat father who can stop her? With no life, no job thanks to lies to courts and cops, nobody will hire him. So the real problem is when the mother denys the father any means to survive. Forget ‘living’. Get out of your ivory tower and realize now along with being denied work by employers, you guilt the man further for having others take all his options to ‘live’ away. All through free-of-charge divorce called domestic violence injunctions. No proof, no evidence – only a lie or claim.
And you wonder why missing parents suicide. Nobody believes them. When courts are used the family is always destroyed. Eventually women will understand they can not have it all at anothers expense. And the kids pay for it.
Women are not the victims – the kids are. In order for the kids to not suffer the attacking court-weilding person needs to be reasonable, not vowing to destroy. Unfortunately, once again, it is the kids who suffer. With women demanding more and more laws to force payment, the only option left is to suicide so the kids get their damn survivor benefits.
Selfish ‘empowered’ women. What a legacy you have chosen to leave. No wonder the USA has lost its way.
Sincerely, one who realizes there is no way out without courst letting up a bit.
@TAYLOR – You say it is the most selfish act ever? Walk a day in my shoes..
Potential employers hang up during an interview after googling your arrest photo (which was dropped – no prosecution), the ex called all your employers and references because she stole your resume, harassed family to no end and now they won’t believe me on anything and even hang up, I was middle-class now homeless living with a disabled friend. No work, no money = no child support which causes all sorts of ‘punishments’.
Now – TAYLOR – who is being selfish? Get off your high horse and see the problem here – I was put in this position against my will by a very upset woman who ‘wants it all’ at any expense. With no place to turn, and no ability to earn moeny short of becoming a criminal – what is left?
There is no ‘life’ without love, compassion and forgiveness. Things women claim they are but in my experience are not. I am 47 and my life is over. There were no drugs, no alcohol, no violence and no prior complains or previous problems with the law – only a difference of beliefs. Mine is ‘live and let live’, hers was ‘win no matter the cost’.
Now the kids will never know their father so who cares if I am around or not? Not my fault. Nothing I can do. No way to earn money or even eat.
What is left? You say call 9-1-1? What will they do – jail? No thank you would rather die in peace then live in hell.
I have waited 4 years for her to grow up, but no luck. Now you know not all suicides are nutjobs.
Mike,
Thank you for sharing here; it sounds like what you are facing is extremely difficult and you are understandably frustrated and angry. If you need someone to talk to, the Suicide Prevention Lifeline is staffed with volunteers 24/7 who will be happy to talk with you at any time. They have access to a variety of resources. Please call them at 1-800-273-8255 (TTY:1-800-799-4TTY). If you are in crisis or feeling hopeless, we have more information available on this page of our website: http://www.goodtherapy.org/in-crisis.html.
We wish you the best.
Kind regards,
The GoodTherapy.org Team
My father hung himself when I was 3…I don’t think it was a selfish act as much as an angry one…I can only imagine he was trying to hurt the people who had hurt him so much throughout his life..his parents, my grandparents. And of course it was selfish to the family and children he left behind, but I think of it more of an angry act than a selfish one.
The biggest pain for me was growing up after that in an emotionally unsupportive environment. With an emotionally distant and unsupportive mother. I had to manage my mother’s emotions as a kid, instead of being able to process my own.
The most important thing for anyone with kids who have to go through this tragedy is encouraging the kids to feel whatever they need to feel…sadness, anger, grief. And the surviving parent needs to process and heal their own emotions around the event so that they can properly support their kid going through the process. My mom, 30 years later, still denies her emotions around my father’s suicide, and throughout my life this has caused me more pain and suffering than the suicide itself.
A kid needs an emotionally supportive environment to process the impact of what happened…a kid needs to know that what they feel is OK, it is OK to cry, it is OK to be angry, and a kid needs a therapist who is experienced in helping kids through similar traumas. Otherwise he will likely carry the pain with him for his whole life, and be likely to do the same thing that his parent did.
in my experience of an ongoing (30 years) health condition that, because i’ve lived with it for so many years, can’t be a) that bad or b) difficult to live with because i have for 30 years. so due to health cuts, my desperation, long waiting times, lack of medication to suit me (serious allergy to opiates and NAIDS) means that i cannot see a future for me and my children. articles like this tell me to waiting until my youngest is 18, thats 11 more years of pain, but i guess by then they will well and truely understand that my future = pain. my children need me, but they don’t need a parent who cannot cope with living in their own body, who is terrified of leaving the house incase of an attack, who can’t have their friends over incase of an attack, who sometimes has to drop what ever i’m doing to rush home because of an attack … or worse not be able to come home.
i am short tempered, sometimes i can’t talk to them at all due to the pain and discomfort, other times i’m so depressed that i fail them and watch their love for their once perfect (in their eyes) mummy, to a horrible shouting bitch that just looks a bit like her because of pain, misunderstanding, being caught and lost in systems …
but hey, who would wish that on their children? that would be the selfish one no?
i’ve phone the samaritans who suggested i try someone else … my gp maybe … gp says take some pills, but dont overdose. now on yer bike, we have sicker people to see.
i want my childrens lives to take off, as far as i can see, i’m hindering them.
No Taylor. Your the one thats pathetic.
Taboo and selfish
Suicide is selfish, and fits right into the selfish culture we live in. It’s incredible the things that humans can rationalize and justify, virtually any action, access denial, murder of innocent people (in war times) ,etc . I could go on, the hypocrisy is undeniable. Many behaviors that are simply wrong, are still legal. The survivors could simply lie to the children until they reach the age of 18, unless you’ve
never lied to your kids before to serve your own selfish ends.At least with a successful attempt you will not have any more regrets.
You would not blame a victim of heart disease, stroke or a any other disease of dying, why would you blame a sufferer of depression of submitting to suicide? THINK ABOUT IT!
My father committed suicide when I was 5 and my mother lied to me about how he died. I later found out the truth when I was 12 from a friend. Trust me, lying to your children is not the answer. It hurt even more to know that my entire family had been lying to me for almost a decade.
My father committed suicide when I was 7. I am 31 now and the anger I have always felt is still there. It doesn’t matter what you are going through, you’re children will not forgive you if you kill yourself. My father was going to be arrested the next morning. I guess he thought that it would be better for me and my 3 siblings if he was dead. It is the moat selfish thing anyone can do. You’re children will never get past it. My youngest sister was just a baby when it happened and she is struggling with the why now. I guess a parent can rationalize that the kids would be better off. They aren’t. You are depriving them of something they need and will never truly get past.
Suicide is a selfish act. I have struggled with depression myself. However, if you have children think of what you will be putting them through. A parent is supposed to love and protect their children. Committing suicide is not protecting them, it is damaging them. You have no idea what it is like to live your life wondering why you weren’t good enough for your father to want to live. You say that believing suicide is selfish means that we don’t empathize with someone who has severe depression. Think of the pain and devastation you are causing by committing suicide. The anger is always there but so is the longing for wondering what it would have been like to have a father. My mother is the strongest person I know because she picked up the broken pieces after my dad killed himself. He left her alone to raise 4 children. I also watched what his suicide did to my grandparents. One month before my dad killed himself my moms dad did the same thing. Suicide is not the answer. It does far more damage then you realize. Why would you want to leave your kids behind and have them wonder why you didn’t love them enough to stay and what they did so wrong that you would want to kill yourself?????
@HALEY –
What you are describing is exactly what I do NOT want my kids to go through. So please let me share with you what I would care to guess is near what your father was going through before he decided to take his own life.
Getting into such a bad situation is something many parents fail to teach their kids how to avoid. Mine never did beyond moralistic criticism.
When parents disagree, many women today are so empowered to get control over a man they will lie to courts/cops to get what they want. The violent ones get what they deserve, however according to our own government, 90% of Domestic Violence Injunctions are against first-time offenders who had no prior arrests. This is so common today and any divorce lawyer will tell you get one as it is free.
Once the courts are involved it is game over and only a matter of time until the non-custodial parent, 95% of the time it is the father, succumbs to suicide. Where you seem to be stuck at is WHY??
Though I doubt you want to believe this, women have a proven track record of changing a painful memory into one where they are the victim. This is the view and source of every woman today who is ‘empowered to destroy’ any man who crosses her. Piss off a woman and your life is over?? Yes.
Your own expressions here are exactly what happens when kids are denied the truth. My guess is your father tried everything he could to recover but with the ‘system’ on his back he was not able to. Government is what drove him to be set for arrest the next day, and when faced with the choice of jail-for-life for failing to pay court-ordered child support or suicide – he chose to go out on his terms not the governments or a uncaring ‘system’.
I myself face the same situation – denied work because my uncivil ex decided to lash out so badly by calling all my former employers and family and now nobody will give me a break. I have not been able to get work in this awful economy and that is why. The courts do not care why – they only say ‘pay or go to jail’.
Your mother may be a strong person in your eyes but until you can see past her claims none of it is her fault too, and that she could very well have done something about it, then you will never get over the anger.
I was given a 2-month reprieve on being arrested for the same non-payment as your father while I continue to start a company with a venture capitalist, which of course will take care of any arrears. If that fails – I too will choose physical death over jail-for-life.
In the end Haley, if you are angry and not able to let it go, it means what you have been told is not 100% true and accurate. Finding out that truth is a painful process and can rip apart family ties as nobody wants to take any responsibility for their part in anothers death.
If your father left his death up until the day before being arrested – I can assure you he tried and felt so badly for what he was about to do. And now you hate him. Exactly what an ‘empowered’ woman wants – to get away with ‘legal murder’. And you are paying her price.
If you do get to the truth, eventually you will realize we are all human and will do anything to survive. Your father had no choice left.
To all others, this is what happens to kids, hopefully mine will not suffer as much if I am brought to this point in a month, but this is what happens when a custodial parent is selfish and thinks only of herself, not the kids.
Start being civil and the kids do not suffer. If reading Haleys hate towards her powerless father is not enough for you than maybe after your kids start acting like her and suffer their own issues later in life you will feel regret. If not then you brought it on yourselves.
Govt statistic: Demographics show up to 40 years old is almost 50/50 men/women. After 40 years of age, more women survive than men, changing to a 57% women/43% men mix by 50 years of age. Suicide by men are 4 time that of women over 40. Most male suicide is due to child support problems.
Something to think about.
Hang in there Haley – against you will you have been thrown in to the middle of your parents disagreement and are suffering because of it. Talk to a therapist, not just your ‘strong’ mother. She will lie to protect herself even today. A therapist will not.
The truth – is out there. You just have to find it.
Peace,
Mike
If anything ever happens to my daughter. I will definitly end it all with out hesitation…Enjoy ur beautiful broken world
@BLANK – Nobody ever enjoys a broken world. Why the sarcasm?
Civil parents do not let differences affect their children. Cruel pathetic ones do. If I had anything to say in the matter, and clearly the cops/courts/feminazis ignore my provable facts, then my kids would not be suffering non-payment or lack of love from their father. Dead people can not defend themselves. Children have only one-side to hear, and the victor gets away with murder.
If you deprive a ncp access, your kids will suffer the rest of their lives. Your choice, your (and daughters) delayed consequences.
Enjoy your beautiful broken mind.
ı am a 48 year old female ı lost both my father and uncle to suıcıde ı was aged 8/10 my mother dıed some years later not frm suıcıde she was a vıctım of domestıc vıolence from my father at the age of almost 12 ı was fostered my foster mother was a chıld holocaust survıvor she subjected me to severe emotıonal abuse and told me many tımes that ı would end my lıfe the same way as my father. ı have been ın vıolent relatıonshıps wıth men that have suffered vıolent abuse as chıldren they were all unfaıthful and left me. ı have always managed to pıck myself up but ın the last two years have been sufferıng wıth anxıety ıt ıs very crıplıng at tımes but ı want to beat ıt as ı feel ı deserve a better lıfe ıt ıs dıffıcult as ı have lımıted support but ı know ı am worth more than thıs….
I have read every single one of these entries. I was trying to get info on what committing suicide will do to my children. I have three beautiful angels 5, 3, and six months. I have struggled with major depression since i was 10 years old. I’ve had PPD after each child and it’s been particularly worse after the last. I am on meds, which dont seem to help. I honestly think that I will be setting my children free, sacrificing my life is worth it for them to grow up with a more stable parent. There is alot of love and support around for my children. I know that they will be taken care of. Hopefully they will understand when they get older that their mommmy was very sick. i can’t help whats wrong with me, ive been on meds for 13 years, i tried committing suicide several times as a teen. i get no support at all whatsoever from the people in my life which makes this even harder to deal with. so before u people say suicide is totally selfish, take a walk in my shoes. do u know what its like to hate yourself? to look in the mirror and wanna gouge out your own eyes because you hate what you see? do you know what it’s like to be so “sick” that there is no way to stop the pain. Ive done therapy, counseling, meds, ive done it all. ive done the emdr therapy and i dont have the money for ect or i’d try that. my husband is unhappy but wont admit it, he loves me only out of obligation. im just tired. im tired of feeling so helpless, so worthless, im a burden to everyone around me. im tired of my family having to walk on eggshells around me, then whispering about “my condition’ behind my back. i tell my husband all this that i out here and all he says is i dont know how to help you. i bookmarked a page on our laptop for him to read, “how to cope with a depressed spouse” that was four months ago, he never read it. im all alone in this and if im gonna be all alone, then why be here?
Your children need YOU, their mom, because if they had the choice they would pick you without hesitation over any other parent. No one else can love them like you do because no one else nurtured them inside their belly for 9 months until they were safely born. No one else can take your place, no one else is good enough. I have had depression most of my life, I’ve tried to commit suicide many times and I have been admitted to psychiatric hospital too. Depression is emptiness, loneliness, despair and it damages your soul. It gives you the wrong perception of the world around you, it clouds your mind and obscures your view. Whatever you are feeling right now is just a feeling, it is not a fact. Feelings are not facts; feelings are tricks your mind plays to make you think you are worthless. You are so worthwhile, I bet your children and husband adore you but you cannot even take praise from anyone, can you? Whatever the reasons were for you getting depression in the first place, remember that depression is a place your mind puts you when it feels it has to escape reality. But, I promise you that depression is a far WORSE place than reality. You can beat depression, because you have beaten it this far, and your children need you ALIVE for the rest of their lives! Take care, hold onto hope and it will give you strength. Talk to your husband, help him see your despair and he might just turn into the rock you cling to during the loneliest hours. Take care, Nikki x
I DO know EXACTLY how you feel and what your thinking!!! And Im grateful to find someone out there that can relate and not freak out. I constantly believe that my beautiful daughters and mother would be BETTER off if I killed myself/’went away forever.’ I have tried almost every med, been hospitalized many times and DID have ECT! Which not only didnt work but caused severe permanent memory problems. In the last year, so many bad bad things have happened…mom dying, husband fed up and divorcing me, hes also seeking full custody using my mental health issues as reasoning, then i started medicating with substances, and on New Years…I totaled my car and got DUI…i was arrested which was the worst experience ever! Point is…i was suicidal as a child–let alone now!!! Look at all the harm i keep causing everyone!! Also, im hopeless and so tired and scared. Maybe we could exchange emails or something…thought i was all alone
Kate
VERY good point!!! I want to die soooo bad but have always felt it was selfish…i escape the pain but my parents and daughters would suffer greatly. HOWEVER, i have been causing so much pain to them alive through drug addiction and depression, that I often believe they would be ‘better off!’ Sincerely! I have actively tried to get well for 10 years and i am hopeless that i will ever get better. If i was gone, they would grieve for a bit but then move on and not have to put up with my bullshit for many years! I just cant stop thinking about them missing mommy soooo bad… This is miserable! Also, Im not so sure why there is such hostility and even mean comments here. Be grateful and compassionate…u dont have to agree
The morning I posted this I had made my mind up that I was going to OD myself that night. It felt right, it was finally the right day, i felt so happy and free knowing that i was going to set free myself and family. Then I found this page. reading alot of these stories saved me that day. I NEVER want my children to think that I didnt love them enough to stay around. i never want them to grow up angry and confused because of my actions, I don’t want to damage them. My kids are the reason my heart beats. if i killed myself then their pure innocent souls would be forever scarred. i love them too much to do that to them, ever. @ jackie, thank you. your words are very inspiring. i know that my “disease” controls me and i just have to keep that in check. Ive been to the dr twice since that day and will be seeing a counselor each week then a psychiatrist. so maybe i can get something to work. @ kate, i’d love to talk to you. having someone that understands means alot more than you think. sure you can email me anytime, i dont care that we dont know each other, that makes it better, lol, no biased opinions.
For the ones that shared your stories of your parents suicide, i am so sorry that you had to go through that. But please know that reading your stories made me change my mind and I’m still breathing.
Thank you!
Killing me slowly…
Have a hubby that everyone loves and two gorgeous daughters aged 12 and 9.5. Just cant do this anymore. I have PTSD, Anxiety and Panic Disorder, Depression, Agoraphobia and Social Phobias. I used to have a great career until I had a breakdown 9 years ago from workplace bullying. I worked for the company for 14 years and they just turned their backs on me. I felt hugely betrayed and hurt and my life has been a downward spiral ever since. I have been on over 65 anti-depressant/anti-anxiety medications and CBT etc but nothing works. My doctors don’t know what to do with me, my husband doesn’t know how to handle me and I am just a burden on everyone around me. I just can’t do this anymore. I can’t do it to my husband. I can’t do it to my girls. I can’t do it to all the people who have tried to help. I see in their eyes how I disappoint them and I just can’t do it to them anymore. I love them too much for that. Does anyone know the effects that a parental suicide will have on children that age? Is it just short term? I know people will initially be upset, they will say they should have all done more, that I should have reached out for help etc but soon enough they will say it was inevitable and it is a release for me and my family. So can anyone help with the question regarding the girls?
Re: Killing me slowly…
I can tell you the effects on your two girls will be a life time there is not short time grieving when you lose a parent to suicide You set them up with the same coping skills that they too will see suicide as a way out. Instead you hun hold on to their love you fight for not only YOU but themok show them there is other ways to cope. CBT DBT therapy ECT treatment hun you do not give up on YOU or their love ok don’t sentenced them to life time of sadness don’t pass on your pain
It is the only reason i have not left iwill not destroy my children by leaving i will just endure the sadness untill it is my time to go
Much appreciated
I will write letters to my kids explaining why and reassuring them that it wasn’t their fault.
People who have never felt like this are exactly what I thought..ignorant, cold hearted, judgemental and they don’t understand or believe what we feel.
It is not selfish when you kill yourself FOR your kids.
No matter how many years go by I am always going to feel like this.
My kids really would be better off without me. They are being damaged by my depression.
My partner is worse at parenting than I am even with my depression so I need to wait till they are old enough to look after themselves but I don’t think I can.
My life and theirs would be 100% different without depression.
I am too tired to work. Nobody likes me because I am so negative so I have no friends.
I am jealous of the mums that don’t have depression.
I hate everybody.
I can never finish anything which makes me dependant on my partner for anything that involves money. My children need money to live.
I am worthless, just a burden to society and my family. I am a dissappointment to my father. I have ruined my partners life by having children with him. My depression has ruined his life. I make him unhappy because I am unhappy.
There is no hope of anything getting better or changing because it has been like this for 17 years and I am only 28. I am so tired!!! My children will probably feel like this too since my parents and siblings do too.
Why did I give this life to them?
You can only act happy for so long before you snap or give in..
I just wish I could be happy, go to work, make friends, play with my children and ‘feel’ and enjoy it. I feel numb or pain ALL THE TIME!! Everyone judges me. If I hear “the power of positive thinking” one more time…
I am very dumb too so if I did get cured I couldn’t do anything anyway. I forget people I have known for years.
I wake up and I wish the day was over. Life does go faster now..I’m wasting the years and I know I will regret it and have guilt about not enjoying it more but I can’t change that.
You wake up with energy and excitment or at least with a feeling of peace wondering what you will do with the day. I wake up wanting to die yet you say I’m selfish. It’s because I’m not selfish that I don’t want to inflict them with this. You are selfish for not caring about your loved ones enough to stop to think that you might be hurting them. At least somebody loves you. I have nothing but pretend love because I am so ‘negative, morbid, ugly inside’ and apparently selfish
Meh
Dear Sick.and.tired,
It sounds like you are in crisis, and we want to provide you with some resources that may help! If you are experiencing a life-threatening emergency, in danger of hurting yourself or others, feeling suicidal, overwhelmed, or in crisis, we encourage you to do one of the following immediately:
• Call your local law enforcement agency (911);
• Go to the nearest hospital emergency room;
• Call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 (TTY: 1-800-799-4TTY)
• The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is equipped to take a wide range of calls, from immediate suicidal crisis to providing information about mental health.
You can call to speak with someone who cares; call if you feel you might be in danger of hurting yourself; call to find referrals to mental health services in your area; call to speak to a crisis worker about someone you’re concerned about.
Please know that if you are international the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline might not be able to help you, but you can still go to your local law enforcement agency, and go to your nearest hospital.
We wish you the very best!
Warm regards,
The GoodTherapy.org Team
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