Is Your Relationship in Need of a Tune-Up? Take This Quiz

Asian couple listening to mp3 playerOver time, the stressors we deal with in our day-to-day lives can take a toll on our relationships. In order to avoid having our relationships become stale and unhealthy, a tune-up of sorts is sometimes needed to rekindle the spark that may have been lost with a significant other.

To find out whether you and your partner could benefit from a tune-up, answer these questions:

  1. Do you tend to take your partner for granted or feel underappreciated at times?
  2. Is your sex life in a rut?
  3. Do you feel as though you have the same arguments over and over again?
  4. Have your daily obligations (work, kids, chores) become detrimental to your relationship?
  5. Are you no longer communicating with one another or expressing what you are feeling?
  6. Has the romantic spark dwindled as the dirty dishes and laundry have piled up?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, a tune-up may be in order to reignite the passion. Some ways you can try to spice up your relationship include:

  • Incorporate a date night into your weekly schedule. This can be an opportunity to reconnect and enjoy one another’s company outside of your normal routine.
  • Go on an occasional weekend getaway. Just the two of you, rather than always taking family vacations. Creating time and space for romance is important in any relationship in order to avoid getting into a rut and starting to see your partner primarily in the role of parent.
  • Make a practice of turning off the television and all other electronic devices for at least 30 minutes a day. This allows you to have some time to check in with one another and discuss the events of your day.
  • Get involved in activities together. Sharing common pursuits or interests can be helpful in keeping your relationship happy and engaged.
  • Communicate your feelings to your partner. In order to avoid drifting apart, it’s important to have frequent conversations about how you are feeling. If there are any needs you believe are not being met, discuss together what changes you can make to address them.
  • Use I-statements and avoid the blame game. An example of an I-statement is, “I’m feeling disconnected in our relationship and I want to feel closer to you.” Crafting your concerns in this way, rather than using “you”-focused statements, makes it about your feelings and not your partner’s faults. Tell your partner how you feel about any issues you are having, rather than blaming them for the problem. Blaming only serves to make people defensive and does nothing to improve communication in the relationship.
  • If you find yourselves frequently arguing about the same things, try to look at the situation from your partner’s vantage point. Understanding where they are coming from can be helpful to enable you to reach a compromise.
  • Use time-outs when arguments start to get out of hand. Instead of losing your temper and saying things you might later regret, take a little time to cool down and think about the problem from a more rational perspective. After you have had time to think things through, meet with your partner again to try to discuss the issue from a less heated position.
  • Schedule an appointment with a couples counselor to discuss issues with an impartial third party. If you have been struggling to improve your relationship without success, making the decision to meet with a counselor might help. A couples counselor can help you to gain a different perspective on your issues in order to address them more effectively, teach you better ways to communicate with one another, and provide you with suggestions for putting the romance back in your relationship.

Maintaining a happy and healthy bond with your partner is important, but this often requires work and commitment, especially after the initial honeymoon phase is over. If you have been feeling unfulfilled in your relationship, use some of the tips above to try to find ways to rekindle the romance and passion.

© Copyright 2016 GoodTherapy.org. All rights reserved. Permission to publish granted by Wendy Salazar, MFT, therapist in San Diego, California

The preceding article was solely written by the author named above. Any views and opinions expressed are not necessarily shared by GoodTherapy.org. Questions or concerns about the preceding article can be directed to the author or posted as a comment below.

  • 10 comments
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  • Danny

    April 26th, 2016 at 8:17 AM

    Seems like we always want to place the blame on the other person in our life instead of simply taking responsibility for the things that we are doing wrong.

  • Natalie

    April 26th, 2016 at 10:16 AM

    The honest truth is that we probably could all use a little tune up every now and then in our relationship.
    But the troubling this is that most if us refuse to see that there needs to be a few changes until it is too late and the damage is done.
    This should be like any other thing in our lives, work on it from a more proactive angle versus a reactive angle, and I think that as a result your entire relationship will be a whole lot more satisfying for you and your partner as well.

  • rudy

    April 26th, 2016 at 2:15 PM

    ack there will be someone who takes this quiz and says nope we are ll good nothing here for us to improve and you know that they are just telling a big lie because there is ALWAYS room for improvement in any relationship

  • Macy

    April 27th, 2016 at 7:37 AM

    My husband and I have always made time to retreat to somewhere quiet in the house once we both get home form work just to talk a little about how our day has been. Even if it is only for a few minutes, it gives us a chance to find out what is going on in each other’s life outside of the house and to maybe even blow off a little steam

  • Maxwell

    April 27th, 2016 at 12:35 PM

    I am pretty guilty of the whole taking him for granted thing, and I know that. But it has become such a pattern that it almost feels impossible to stop being that way. I can even tell that this sounds like a cop out… Ugh!

  • jessica J

    April 28th, 2016 at 6:47 AM

    Be willing to make time for one another and commit to spending that designated time together
    I can’t tell you the happiness that I feel when I know that I have a date night coming up soon with my husband. You don’t think that it would be that important but I promise that it can be the glue that can put you two back together.

  • apryl

    April 29th, 2016 at 2:04 PM

    Has there ever been a relationship that is NOT in the need of a tune up?

  • Wendy

    April 30th, 2016 at 9:20 AM

    I sort of think that we are in a sex life rut but I am too afraid to say anything.

    I don’t want to hurt his feelings but maybe he is feeling the same way and doesn’t want to hurt mine either? It’s so tricky to have these kinds of conversations when things have always been pretty good but then, I guess I am a little bit afraid of rocking the boat.

  • malcolm

    May 4th, 2016 at 2:27 PM

    We used to have things in common that we loved to do together but now I feel like she jst wants me to go away.
    I ave tried talking to her but it’s the same old song and dance, she’s tired, she’s busy and to me those are all just key words that tell me she is pulling away from me.
    Should I be worried at this stage? Or could it pass?

  • The GoodTherapy.org Team

    The GoodTherapy.org Team

    May 4th, 2016 at 5:20 PM

    Dear Malcom,

    Thank you for your comment. The GoodTherapy.org Team is not qualified to offer professional advice, but we encourage you to reach out. Talking about these concerns in either individual therapy or couples counseling may be beneficial.

    You can use our website to locate a therapist in your area. For a list of practitioners, simply enter your ZIP code here:
    http://www.goodtherapy.org/find-therapist.html

    Help is available, and we wish you the best of luck in your search.

    Kind regards,
    The GoodTherapy.org Team

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