Category: Internal Family Systems
The Good Therapy Blog
July 26th, 2011 |
I am half way through the year-long Level 1 of the Internal Family Systems (IFS) training. IFS is a psychotherapeutic modality used for helping people and their therapists understand and solve the problems that bring them to therapy. And IFS helps make sense of the seemingly irrational world of eating disorders. I’d had some exposure to and experience using IFS prior to enrolling in the training, but the training is giving me a broader... Read More
November 8th, 2010 |
Oh no – another couple you know is getting a divorce. Do you think it’s contagious? Are you worried that break-ups are like a virus you could catch?
It’s true - if you already have some little doubts inside you, someone else’s break-up could wake them up. And who doesn’t have doubts? After the romance fades, it’s natural to have some dissatisfaction brewing somewhere inside you. Don’t worry – there is an antidote. In fact, your doubts can be an opportunity for you to keep your own marriage choice alive and vital. Over time, your original clear, committed choice to be with your... Read More
May 18th, 2010 |
An Internal Family Systems Perspective
Lots of people hope for compromise in their relationship...
“I’m a vegetarian and I hope my meat-eating husband can compromise.”
“I like to save – I hope my fun-loving wife will compromise.”
“He wants more sex than I do – I hope we can compromise.”
Compromise is great when it happens – there is an easy flow, and both partners feel happy with the results. Nobody feels like they are losing, like they are being taken advantage of, or that their needs don’t matter. It doesn’t even feel like compromising – it’s just being... Read More
February 3rd, 2010 |
Relationships with our co-workers and bosses can really affect our lives! When they go well our lives are enriched. When they are difficult, we and our families can suffer.
At work, the principles of Internal Family Systems can help you:
• maintain your Self qualities when you are under the gun: Calm, Clarity, Connection, Compassion, Courage, Creativity, and Confidence
• if something gets in the way of these qualities, it’s probably a Protector Part and/or an Exile. Pay attention to them, and they may let you get... Read More
December 28th, 2009 |
You have a mate you love, you want it to be the best relationship it can be – but things keep getting in the way.
Here’s the golden key to keeping your love vibrant and alive: If it’s intense it’s your own.
If you have an intensely unhappy reaction to your mate, it’s yours. It comes from you and you are the only one who can handle it. Many of you already know this and are practicing it. You’ve found out the joy of taking responsibility for your own actions, and the beauty of the love that arises between you... Read More
November 27th, 2009 |
If you are in a multicultural marriage, you know how hard communication can be. Whether it’s about:
• in-laws - how much influence and involvement they have
• privacy - how many people are in your house on a daily basis or at special gatherings
• women’s roles
• conflict - hidden or overt ways of dealing with it
• being indirect/understated vs. being direct and expressive with requests, complaints
• accommodation to others vs. competition with them
• authority – who has it and who has... Read More
October 26th, 2009 |
David Brooks, New York Times columnist, was recently inspired by the movie, “Where the Wild Things Are.” He wonders if we are one person, with an ingrained, stable character – or are we different people in different situations, tripping around the truth with one person and going whole hog honest with another?
His thoughts, and the movie, offer us a great forum to explain Internal Family Systems (IFS).
In “Where the Wild Things Are,” Max the child is torn between loving and needing his mother and raging at her. He falls... Read More
July 14th, 2008 |
What to Expect in Internal Family Sytems (IFS) Couples Therapy
Hopefully the ideas and exercises in this book have been helpful to you, and you feel confident that you can improve your relationship. Or perhaps you feel that you and your partner could use some professional help.
This chapter will tell you what to expect from a couples therapist who uses the IFS model. Since there are so many IFS therapists in the United States and in other countries, there is a lot of variety in the way IFS is practiced. This chapter gives the basics of the IFS approach. Read More
December 5th, 2007 |
When I began training in Internal Family Systems Therapy (IFS) several years ago, my whole life became a healing story. It is difficult to even know how to begin or focus in the attempt to tell it. I was drawn to the model after reading Dick’s textbook in graduate school. It stirred my heart. It just felt right to me. And now I know why!
Not long after beginning the training, I started to have difficulties being there without exiles crawling out of the woodwork. I knew I was a woman with a history of what I called... Read More
September 17th, 2007 |
Dear Friends,
GoodTherapy.org received an email today from a therapist concerned about one of the principles of good therapy: collaboration. I was surprised at first, but after reading her email I could see the validity of her concern and how she could be led to it by the way the definition was written. She was concerned that working collaboratively might re-traumatize a person. I believe she was equating collaboration with total non-direction. I wrote back to her to clarify. I thought I would copy my email here so others with similar concerns could be reassured, and so we could have a forum... Read More
