By Mona Barbera, Ph.D., Internal Family Systems Therapy Topic Expert Contributor

Click here to contact Mona and/or see her GoodTherapy.org Profile

Relationships with our co-workers and bosses can really affect our lives! When they go well our lives are enriched. When they are difficult, we and our families can suffer.

At work, the principles of Internal Family Systems can help you:

• maintain your Self qualities when you are under the gun: Calm, Clarity, Connection, Compassion, Courage, Creativity, and Confidence
• if something gets in the way of these qualities, it’s probably a Protector Part and/or an Exile. Pay attention to them, and they may let you get back to your Self qualities and Self leadership.

Read on to find out how Internal Family Systems can help you at work. Read the rest of this entry

By Mona Barbera, Ph.D., Internal Family Systems Therapy Topic Expert Contributor

Click here to contact Mona and/or see her GoodTherapy.org Profile

You have a mate you love, you want it to be the best relationship it can be – but things keep getting in the way.

Here’s the golden key to keeping your love vibrant and alive: If it’s intense it’s your own.

If you have an intensely unhappy reaction to your mate, it’s yours. It comes from you and you are the only one who can handle it. Many of you already know this and are practicing it. You’ve found out the joy of taking responsibility for your own actions, and the beauty of the love that arises between you and your partner when you do this. Read the rest of this entry

By Mona Barbera, Ph.D., Internal Family Systems Therapy Topic Expert Contributor

Click here to contact Mona and/or see her GoodTherapy.org Profile

If you are in a multicultural marriage, you know how hard communication can be. Whether it’s about:

• in-laws – how much influence and involvement they have
• privacy – how many people are in your house on a daily basis or at special gatherings
• women’s roles
• conflict – hidden or overt ways of dealing with it
• being indirect/understated vs. being direct and expressive with requests, complaints
• accommodation to others vs. competition with them
• authority – who has it and who has to follow it
• showing affection/closeness – how much you need or show
• the individual’s needs and rights vs. the family/community
• being misunderstood or misunderstanding languages or gestures
• feeling neglected/feeling pressured
• male vs. female roles
• lack of knowledge/judgment of each other’s music, language, or culture
• loneliness/loss when you are living in the other person’s country

Multicultural relationships can be a great, rewarding adventure. Maybe you are the adventurous type, and you love contact with another culture. Or maybe you were surprised when you found yourself committed to someone from another culture. Love happens! Read the rest of this entry

By Mona Barbera, Ph.D., Internal Family Systems Therapy Topic Expert Contributor

Click here to contact Mona Barbera, Ph.D. and/or see her GoodTherapy.org Profile

David Brooks, New York Times columnist, was recently inspired by the movie, “Where the Wild Things Are.” He wonders if we are one person, with an ingrained, stable character – or are we different people in different situations, tripping around the truth with one person and going whole hog honest with another?

His thoughts, and the movie, offer us a great forum to explain Internal Family Systems (IFS).

In “Where the Wild Things Are,” Max the child is torn between loving and needing his mother and raging at her. He falls into another world, populated by strange, wild creatures that he tries to control. They want him to build a world free of burdens and pain, but sadly, he can neither build the world nor control the creatures. Read the rest of this entry

An Excerpt from ‘Bring Yourself to Love: How Couples Can Turn Disconnection into Intimacy’
By Mona Barbera, Ph.D.

Click here to contact Mona Barbera, Ph.D. and/or see her GoodTherapy.org Profile

What to Expect in Internal Family Sytems (IFS) Couples Therapy

Hopefully the ideas and exercises in this book have been helpful to you, and you feel confident that you can improve your relationship. Or perhaps you feel that you and your partner could use some professional help.

This chapter will tell you what to expect from a couples therapist who uses the IFS model. Since there are so many IFS therapists in the United States and in other countries, there is a lot of variety in the way IFS is practiced. This chapter gives the basics of the IFS approach. Read the rest of this entry