By Shendl Tuchman, Psy.D., Divorce / Divorce Adjustment Topic Expert Contributor

Click here to contact Shendl and/or see her GoodTherapy.org Profile

In my work with couples who are learning how to parent their children together after ending their marriage/relationship, we spend a good deal of time talking about how the ending of their relationship affects their children, what the internal experience of a child could be and how they manage their parent’s conflict.

There are no descriptions that accurately describe what this is like for every child. We often see differences even between two children from the same family. We can discuss some of the possible scenarios to give you a flavor of what your children might be experiencing. Read the rest of this entry

By Susan Heitler, Ph.D., Conflict Resolution Therapy Topic Expert Contributor

Click here to contact Susan and/or see her GoodTherapy.org Profile

Horror of horrors—you’ve just caught your spouse listing his name on internet sites for meeting sexual partners. What now!! You are furious, and you let him know it in no uncertain terms.

Now fast forward one month later. What used to be a lovely marriage has turned into a nightmare. You are perpetually irritated. Nothing your husband does seems right in your eyes, and you let him now this in no uncertain terms as well. At first your husband looked remorseful about his internet searches. Now he tells you that he only does these searches because you are so difficult to live with. Your relationship has gone from bad to worse, and both of you have begun using the d-word. Read the rest of this entry

By Shendl Tuchman, Psy.D., Divorce / Divorce Adjustment Topic Expert Contributor

Click here to contact Shendl and/or see her GoodTherapy.org Profile

Your relationship with your children’s other parent has ended. It has taken some amount of soul searching after being told that your relationship is over. It may not have been an easy transition. Perhaps you have felt some combination of hurt, anger, depression, relief, guilt, uncertainty or hopefulness.

You’ve taken the time to address your feelings and find you are ready to think about getting into a new relationship. Or, you have left your relationship in order to begin again with a new partner. It was not an easy decision to leave and change the life you had and your children grew up with. There have been many logistics and emotions to deal with as the new living arrangements have been organized. Read the rest of this entry

By Tina Gilbertson, MA, Self-Esteem Topic Expert Contributor

Click here to contact Tina and/or see her GoodTherapy.org Profile

This article offers a few questions and answers on the topic of self-esteem and divorce.

Is it selfish or frivolous to worry about your self-esteem in the middle of a divorce?

No. Self-esteem increases your ability to take the emotional hit that divorce inevitably deals. It also gives you a reserve of personal resources to share with your kids, if you have them. When you increase your esteem for your authentic self, it’s like a single person planting a tree. If enough people do it, the whole environment benefits. And by the way…

How high was your self-esteem before the divorce?

What was it like going into the marriage in the first place? Your baseline level of self-esteem will affect how you experience divorce far more than the other way around. If you’ve experienced low self-esteem throughout your life, divorce is likely to be more devastating to you, and healing could take longer. Low self-esteem will also make it more likely that you’ll struggle with managing your kids’, friends’ or relatives’ reactions; and that you’ll place excessive blame on yourself, your partner, or both. Managing emotions and dealing with blame are challenging enough without the complication of low self-esteem. Read the rest of this entry

By Shendl Tuchman, Psy.D., Divorce / Divorce Adjustment Topic Expert Contributor

Click here to contact Shendl and/or see her GoodTherapy.org Profile

Many of you have been in the position of either deciding to divorce or having been asked for a divorce. Either way, you will be making very important emotional, legal and financial decisions with a person with whom you are most likely in some kind of conflict.

As you consider how to go about setting the wheels in motion for the next stage of your life, balancing your needs with the needs of your soon-to-be ex-partner and your children can be very challenging. This may be a time when you are feeling fear, disappointment, anger, as you set about the task of creating your post-divorce family.

The affects on children of divorce are well documented and we know one of the best indicators of resilience in children after a divorce is the absence of conflict between their parents. As you determine what your first steps are, consider the amount of help you need to manage any conflict you may be experiencing. The well-being of your children depends on it. Read the rest of this entry