My Approach to Helping
We are built to experience emotional pain and hardship, because happiness and the meaning of life is constructed through the labour of pain. The harder we work through the pain that we experience in life, the more we come to appreciate life itself, and the more we find meaning to our existence.
We often see negative emotions as something bad, because it does feel pretty bad, and normal human conditioning makes us want to quickly get rid of pain. That’s how addiction starts. We distract ourselves either with substance, medication, Netflix shows, games, drugs, gambling, drowning ourselves in work, in relationships, in food, in sex, in extreme workouts, getting more money, more power, more knowledge, looking more young and beautiful, some people are even addicted to self-sabotaging behaviours, self-victimising and endlessly blames the world for being evil because it gives them an emotional high - All in the attempt to rid off negative emotions and bring in the positive emotions that we want. But it doesn\\\'t bring any peace or fulfilment. We end up needing more and more for a temporary relief, and it\\\'s never enough. Love is never enough. Money is never enough. Beauty is never enough. Sex is never enough. Because first, we give away power to an external source by depending on it, instead of mastering how we feel. Our self-confidence unconsciously chips away every time we reach out for a distraction. The guilt adds up. We feel lousy and need more. Secondly, while it may bring us good feelings temporarily (Good feelings are great, there is nothing wrong with good feelings), it does not attend to our core that we are in fact suffering some kind of pain. Pain gets worse when it is not seen, that is just how it works. So we need a higher dosage to numb the pain. Don’t feel worthy of love - I’ll get more plastic surgery, be more successful, earn more money, be more skinny. But these are just bandaids. Once you rip it off, what you see inside is ugly. It’s infected. It’s bleeding.
Without taking the difficult steps to walk through the dark tunnel of pain, we would not find that light at the end of the tunnel. We will always stay in the dark, and then we would feel hopeless, useless, unworthy. And then we distract ourselves again, and again using those methods mentioned above, and we get stuck in a vicious cycle. Well, anything for a momentary relief right? I just want to get rid of the pain now, right now! Short term relief is better than doing the hard, time-consuming work of facing our pain to build our resilience. It takes too long, it\\\'s too much work, it is too scary, it is too painful, too expensive. The reasons can be endless.
Quoting Mark Manson, only by going through the pain of training in the gym, that we come to appreciate our fitness, strength and vitality more. In turn we also take better care of our body, and feed it with nourishing food. We feel alive and we like ourselves better too because we know we put in the hard work to make it happen. We also feel more confident every single time we managed to push through, coz then we also realize that we have the ability overcome more challenges in the future. Is it difficult and painful? Yes. But hell it sure feels good the moment u walk out from the gym.
Although pain in life is inevitable, suffering is optional. So if you are experiencing emotional pain, make pain your ally, instead of your enemy. Your first instinct may be to immediately get rid of it, but instead try to sit with it, understand it, care for it, give it love, so that it can heal. The act of caring for emotional pain itself gives us great meaning in life, and we are at peace with ourselves because we know deep down, that we are doing the right thing. We heal so that we can rise from surviving to striving.
And this is where I come in. To help you look within, to face the pain, to walk alongside on this journey to healing.
Remember that Happiness - the big H word that everyone is after, it is only a byproduct of our appreciation towards a meaningful life.