An existential crisis is a period of time when a person questions their existence. They might begin to wonder who they really are or what the meaning of life truly is. Some people may begin searching for a new sense of purpose or feel the need to make other changes in life.

Simply feeling out of place or disconnected from life doesn’t necessarily indicate an existential crisis. Thinking about life’s “deep questions” is fairly common, and not everyone experiences an existential crisis. A crisis can be said to occur when you ask yourself (or others) these questions and experience anxiety, frustration, or depression when you aren’t able to find satisfactory answers.

Thoughts of suicide aren’t uncommon during existential crisis. It’s important to get help right away if you experience persistent depression or have thoughts of suicide.

What Causes an Existential Crisis?

Anyone can experience an existential crisis. Some common triggers are listed below.

Age transition

Transitioning from the teen years to young adulthood, or into middle age or older adulthood, causes some to doubt the meaning of life. People might consider their past and future years and wonder what they have accomplished. They may worry about making the most of the years ahead or feel as if they aren’t equipped to handle new responsibilities that come with growing up. Some dwell on or miss a previous stage of life.

A life-altering event

Existential crisis can develop after events such as marriage, divorce, breakup, childbirth, trauma, or loss. These events can lead people to question life as they know it. Trauma or death make many realize their own mortality, especially if the death was unexpected. Some people begin questioning their identity after beginning a new relationship or ending an existing one. For example, an individual may feel they exist in the context of their relationship but have no separate self.

A life-threatening event

It’s common to have a period of crisis after being involved in a car accident or natural disaster or experiencing a life-threatening illness. People facing death from cancer or related illnesses may lose sight of the meaning of life or fear what comes after life. Surviving an accident or disaster can sometimes lead to feelings of survivor’s guilt and a search for the meaning of life. It’s not uncommon to question your survival and worry about being “unworthy.”

Signs You May Be Having an Existential Crisis

Existential crises often happen after something causes a person to realize their mortality or lose an ideal. They’re usually recognized by the following signs:

• Feelings of depression and hopelessness. These could relate to job dissatisfaction, a relationship that isn’t going anywhere, or failure to achieve one’s goals. Some may wonder what the point of life is if it’s not possible to achieve their dreams. A recent loss could also contribute to these feelings.
• Anxiety. Existential anxiety might present as feelings of worry about the future, what happens after death, or the meaning of life. Some may feel they’re missing out on some greater part of life but be uncertain what that is. Most people consider these thoughts from time to time, but they can cause distress when it’s hard to stop thinking about them.
• Isolation and loneliness. Feeling alone in the world is common during times of crisis. Some individuals find it hard to relate to others or believe others don’t understand what they’re going through. People considering existential concepts also may spend more time alone, working through these thoughts. Increased time alone can contribute to feelings of loneliness.
• Existential obsessions. According to the International OCD Foundation, existential OCD describes intrusive thoughts about philosophical questions or other issues that can’t be answered, such as “Why are we here?” These thoughts persist and may lead to depression. It may be difficult to avoid thinking about them, and some spend hours cycling through these thoughts, exacerbating feelings of fear or hopelessness.
• Loss of interest or motivation. Some parts of life may begin to seem less important when searching for purpose. It’s not unusual to feel as if the activities of life are mundane or meaningless. Some people also find that their personal values change as they attempt to find meaning in life. But this can be a positive outcome. Realizing new values can lead to a new sense of purpose, which can help resolve the period of crisis.

Feeling as if there’s no point to anything because nothing you do makes a difference can lead to a loss of motivation. Some begin to feel their relationships with others don’t matter and isolate as a result.

How an Existential Crisis Can Impact Mental Health

If you’re struggling to reconcile your present life with what you’d hoped for yourself, you may experience sadness, frustration, anxiety, and depression. Because people often experience depression and anxiety during a period of existential crisis, they may be diagnosed with one or both of these conditions. But depression and anxiety brought on by an existential crisis aren’t entirely the same as typical depression or anxiety.

Existential anxiety specifically describes fear or uneasiness about life’s true meaning. An individual could feel as if they’ve made the wrong choices or aren’t free to make choices they want to make. They might worry about death or the afterlife. Worrying about these things can keep people from enjoying life in the moment, especially if anxiety occurs as intrusive or obsessive thoughts (existential OCD).

Existential depression refers to the feelings of disinterest, sadness, hopelessness, and loss of motivation that often accompany an existential crisis. People might feel hopeless about society, the world, or other “big-picture” concepts. Feeling as if there’s no point to anything because nothing you do makes a difference can lead to a loss of motivation. Some begin to feel their relationships with others don’t matter and isolate as a result.

How to Deal with an Existential Crisis

Some people can work through existential crisis on their own. It may take time, but eventually, they accept that some of life’s questions simply can’t be answered. They may find a renewed sense of life purpose through newly discovered values. For example, someone who felt like they contributed nothing might decide to spend one day each week volunteering in their community.

If the crisis lasts and negatively affects daily life, well-being, relationships, work, or school, it may be helpful to talk to a therapist. A compassionate, qualified counselor can teach you ways to cope with feelings of depression and despair. While existential crisis isn’t a diagnosable mental health condition, depression and anxiety can be serious if untreated. If you have thoughts of suicide, it’s best to reach out to a suicide helpline.

• Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), which helps you learn to challenge and change unwanted thoughts, can help you deal with existential depression or anxiety. Therapy approaches such as humanistic therapy and existential therapy can also be very helpful.
• Existential therapy helps you accept the givens of life—freedom/responsibility, death, isolation, and meaninglessness—and teaches you to cope with them by accepting them without letting them overwhelm you.
• Humanistic (person-centered) therapy helps you discover and focus on the importance of your true self. In humanistic therapy, you may discover the changes you can make to live your most fulfilling life.

When dealing with an existential crisis, it can help to remind yourself how your life has meaning to others. Do you take care of a child, parent, younger sibling, or pet? Do you help others at work? Are you studying something that will allow you to help others? Try keeping track of daily kindnesses, acts of compassion, positive experiences, and other things that give life meaning. You might begin by listing the people in life you care about and ways you impact each other.

If you’re struggling with a specific part of life, consider whether change is possible. Therapy is a good place to not only explore questions about life, but also to identify and address areas of unfulfillment and talk through potential changes.

References:

1. Andrews, M. (2016). The existential crisis. Behavioral Development Bulletin, 21(1), 104-109. doi: 10.1037/bdb0000014
2. ButÄ—naitÄ—, J., SondaitÄ—, J., & Mockus, A. (2016). Components of existential crisis: A theoretical analysis. International Journal of Psychology: A Biopsychosocial Approach, 18, 9-27. Retrieved from https://eltalpykla.vdu.lt/bitstream/handle/1/32983/ISSN2345-024X_2016_V_18.PG_9-27.pdf?sequence=1
3. Different approaches to psychotherapy. (n.d.). American Psychological Association. Retrieved from https://www.apa.org/topics/therapy/psychotherapy-approaches.aspx
4. How to cope with a later-life crisis. (n.d.). Johns Hopkins Medicine. Retrieved from https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/healthy_aging/healthy_mind/how-to-cope-with-a-later-life-crisis
5. Kehr, B. (2018, June 19). Existential crisis in young adults. Retrieved from https://drbrucekehr.com/existential-crisis-in-young-adults
6. Penzel, F. (n.d.). To be or not to be, that is the obsession: Existential and philosophical OCD. The International OCD Foundation. Retrieved from https://iocdf.org/expert-opinions/to-be-or-not-to-be-that-is-the-obsession-existential-and-philosophical-ocd
7. Yang, W., Staps, T., & Hijmans, E. (2010). Existential crisis and the awareness of dying: The role of meaning and spirituality. Journal of Death and Dying, 61(1), 53-69. doi: 10.2190/OM.61.1.c

“The greatest hazard of all, losing one’s self, can occur very quietly in the world, as if it were nothing at all. No other loss can occur so quietly; any other loss—an arm, a leg, five dollars, a wife, etc.—is sure to be noticed.” ―Søren Kierkegaard

So often, people come to therapy seeking to “find themselves,” typically after a tragedy has occurred or some major shift has taken place in life and they realize they have somehow “lost” themselves along the way. But there is another way of losing oneself that is more insidious, more subtle, and can be even more damaging. This is what I call self-erosion.

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Self-erosion occurs over a period of time and happens so quietly that the person doesn’t even realize it’s happening. Self-erosion happens when we are so busy doing other things—such as working, going to school, raising kids, and being in incompatible relationships—that we slowly lose touch with who we are. Our lives become so much about what we do, how we contribute, and what we offer the world that we lose touch with who we are. The tragedy of the self-erosion experience is that when we finally come face to face with the reality that we have no idea who we are anymore, we have no idea where to start.

You might be experiencing self-erosion if you have noticed any of the following:

• You don’t know what you like to do for fun.
• You can’t remember the last time you had a really good laugh.
• Your identity is tied to what you do (“I’m Jane’s mom,” “I’m a therapist,” “I’m a CEO,” and so on).
• You rarely take time for yourself.

If you are experiencing any of these, it is likely that you have lost touch with yourself. You may be very content with your life in many ways, but in some ways you find yourself longing for more. Whatever that “more” consists of is very personal and different for everyone, but the important thing is that you get back in touch with it.

Start with allowing yourself to do something you’ve always liked but don’t do often, whether that is taking a long, luxurious bath or going for a walk. It may be hiding away in a coffee shop and reading a book you have wanted to read but haven’t made time for. Maybe it will be going to Baskin-Robbins and trying every flavor until you find just the right one for you. Spend some time reflecting on all the things you used to do and greatly enjoyed, even when you were a child. You may find some keys to things that bring back the spark to your eyes, the joy to your living, and the passion in your existence.

The path to finding yourself does not have to begin at the crossroads of crisis; you can decide to own your life anytime you choose. I hope you choose today—this moment—to begin.

One of the aspects of existential psychotherapy that I most value is the idea of personal responsibility. On one hand, we humans are free to live our lives the way we choose (within reason), while on the other, we are responsible for the choices we make. Freedom and responsibility go hand in hand, whether we like it or not.

Often, clients who enter psychotherapy have complaints about their lives, including their marriages, children, work environments, and many other interpersonal situations. Just as often, the clients are steadily looking outward at other people they deem responsible for the trouble. It is the spouse who is selfish, the children who just won’t listen, the unreasonable boss and the inconsiderate friends who drove the person to seek therapy. It is less often that a client comes in with a strong sense of personal responsibility and willingness to change in the beginning stages of therapy.

That is one of the challenges therapists face: how to help the client assume responsibility for his or her life without shaming or blaming. Without the clients taking on personal responsibility, no change can ever really happen because, as we all know, we can change and improve only ourselves. When faced with this challenge, I like to ask my client, “In all of the bad relationships, failed communications, and frustrating encounters in your life, what is the one common denominator?” That question allows the client to begin focusing on his or her role in whatever situation he or she is facing. Even if his or her role is as little as 1% of the issue, that 1% is where we start working. That 1% is where the change begins, and generally, the acceptance of responsibility of that small amount is what leads the client to being able to recognize other ways of being that may cause problems in his or her life.

The ability to take responsibility for one’s life is one of the greatest gifts we can offer ourselves and our clients. Although the weight of responsibility may seem heavy at times, it carries within in the seeds of freedom. When a person assumes responsibility for himself or herself, the person becomes empowered to be the person he or she chooses to be. Holocaust survivor and psychiatrist Viktor Frankl reminded us that the “last of the great human freedoms is to choose how to behave in any given circumstance.” Indeed, we have complete authorship over our attitudes, interactions, and responses.

Philosopher Jean-Paul Sartre states that to be responsible is to be the “uncontested author of an event or thing” and means that each individual, alone, is responsible for the creation of his or her life, including “self, destiny, life predicaments, feelings, and if such be the case, one’s own suffering” (Yalom, 1980). Becoming the author of one’s own life may start with something as simple as taking ownership for the 1% that is you, but will likely lead to a much deeper sense of ownership and freedom in one’s entire life. Therapy, done well, will assist participants in grasping a greater sense of self by way of freedom and responsibility.