Eating & Food Issues
Overview of Eating and Food Issues: Disordered eating is a complicated matter. It comprises a range of behaviors and attitudes, including but by no means limited to those that meet the DSM criteria for eating disorders. Cultural attitudes about weight and body size are not responsible for the origins of eating disorders, but certainly give them a fertile environment in which to flourish.
The DSM-IV names three main types of eating disorders: Anorexia Nervosa (with a Binge-Purge subtype and a Restricting subtype), Bulimia Nervosa, and Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, or ED NOS (which includes Binge Eating Disorder). Many individuals who struggle with disordered eating don’t meet DSM diagnostic criteria, but suffer from sub-clinical eating disorders, or varying degrees of a disordered relationship with food, body and self. Often a compulsive relationship with exercise is present as well. Eating and food issues that manifest as overeating or that cause weight gain are often mistakenly regarded as bad habits or lack of willpower.
Eating and food issues are variants of overeating or under-eating, rather than eating in harmony with one’s body’s needs. Anorexia nervosa involves eating fewer than enough calories and nutrients to maintain one’s body’s normal weight and can involve compulsive exercise or bingeing and purging (compensating for calories ingested via self-induced vomiting, laxatives, diurectics, enemas) as well. Bulimia nervosa is binge eating followed by self-induced vomiting or other compensatory behaviors. Fasting and exercising are considered “compensatory behaviors” but not purging, so someone who binge eats and then eats nothing for 2 days after is considered to have the non-purging type of bulimia. The category ED NOS is a catch-all, which includes binge eaters and those who purge without eating what is considered by DSM criteria to be a binge. Other “styles” of overeating, such as compulsively grazing all day, are not included in the DSM classifications of eating disorders. ~ Overview provided by Deborah Klinger, MA, LMFT, http://www.pizzadreams.com/dk/
The Psychotherapy Model and Eating and Food Issues: Eating and food issues, while not caused by the standards of a given culture, can “use” a cultural norm as a backdrop against which to camouflage “themselves.” For example, in her book, “Fasting Girls: The History of Anorexia Nervosa,” author Joan Jacobs Brumberg describes how in medieval times, anorexia nervosa was misperceived as evidence of attainment of a higher spiritual level, in the form of young women who no longer needed the carnal sustenance of food. Today’s climate, with emphasis for younger women on being “hot,” and for all women (and to an increasing extent, men) a focus on watching one’s weight, BMI, caloric/fat gram/carb intake, a disordered relationship with food/exercise/body can masquerade as “healthy.”
Behind these attitudes lurks a belief that not only is fat bad and thin good, fat and thin are statements about a person’s character- if one is fat, she IS bad/unlovable/unwantable. If one is thin, she is good/lovable/wantable—or at least is passing for those things. Eating disorders sufferers who starve themselves, induce vomiting after eating, exercise when it is not medically safe or out of a belief that they are in danger of being fat or flabby, are governed by a tremendous fear of becoming fat, and a belief that they are fundamentally lazy slobs. Those who feel compelled to overeat or binge eat believe their behavior with food and the size, shape and weight of their bodies are proof of their worthlessness. Thus, food and eating issues are expressions of problems with one’s sense of self and self-worth.
Eating and food issues are also indicators of struggles with anxiety and poor ability to cope with emotional affect, in which the body becomes the battleground upon which these conflicts are enacted. (A 2004 study by the University of Pittsburgh showed that a high percentage of individual with eating disorders have a co-occuring anxiety disorder, often present prior to the onset of the eating disorder.) An individual’s body becomes a concrete, visible entity that she can focus on and attempt to achieve mastery over. Such mastery, whether in the form of sticking to a diet, eating less than is appropriate for one’s health, running 5 miles, or vomiting after eating (with or without bingeing), serves to reduce anxiety and give an illusion of power or validity in the presence of a tenuous sense of self-worth. And because food is so fundamental a survival need, a conflicted relationship with food is an expression of conflict around one’s right to want and need.
Recovery from disordered eating is a long and arduous process. Many clients give up because of lack of motivation and energy to commit to the work involved. It is important to recognize that recovery involves not simply attaining the absence of disordered thoughts and behaviors about food and body, but recovering one’s self—developing a sense of authentic identity, and cultivating self-acceptance reverence for one’s self. ~ Overview provided by Deborah Klinger, MA, LMFT
The Medical Model and Eating and Food Issues: Anorexia and bulimia nervosa are physically dangerous disorders. Anorexia has the highest premature fatality rate of any mental disorder (Sullivan, 1995). Because the disorder involves self-induced starvation, an anorexic can die of malnutrition, but is also at risk for refeeding syndrome; an electrolyte imbalance caused by a sudden increase in nutrient intake than can lead to cardiac or respiratory arrest.
Bulimia nervosa carries a great deal of medical risk as well: constant vomiting can not only cause electrolyte imbalances, creating possibility of damage to the heart, but puts a bulimic in danger of esophageal rupture.
Obesity burdens a body’s system and puts one at risk for related health problems such as type II diabetes.
Research has shown that medication targeting the serotonin system can be helpful with impulse control as well as mood, and thus useful in treating binge eating and bulimia as well as depression and anxiety that are so often concomitant with disordered eating. But for patients who are undernourished, food is the most important medicine. Patients whose disordered relationship with food is putting them in medical danger should have a treatment team that includes a primary care physician, a psychiatrist for overseeing medication, and a dietician who is skilled in treating eating disorders, as well as a psychotherapist.
When outpatient therapy proves inadequate, a higher level of care is necessary. They range in intensity from intensive outpatient (IOP), in which a patient attends a treatment center for several hours a day, partial hospitalization, in which a patient attends a hospital program during the day but not on evenings or weekends, residential treatment, in which a patient lives at a non-hospital treatment center for a month or longer, and inpatient treatment, in which a patient lives in a hospital eating disorders program. There are discrete level-of-care guidelines delineating the criteria for a patient’s status at each level. ~ Overview provided by Deborah Klinger, MA, LMFT
Diagnotic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders: The DSM IV criteria for eating disorders are as follows:
Anorexia Nervosa
• Refusal to maintain body weight at or above a minimally normal weight for age and height: Weight loss leading to maintenance of body weight <85% of that expected or failure to make expected weight gain during period of growth, leading to body weight less than 85% of that expected.
• Intense fear of gaining weight or becoming fat, even though under weight.
• Disturbance in the way one's body weight or shape are experienced, undue influence of body weight or shape on self evaluation, or denial of the seriousness of the current low body weight.
• Amenorrhea (at least three consecutive cycles) in postmenarchal girls and women. Amenorrhea is defined as periods occurring only following hormone (e.g., estrogen) administration.
Type of Anorexia Nervosa
• Restricting type: During the current episode of anorexia nervosa, the person has not regularly engaged in binge-eating or purging behavior (self-induced vomiting or misuse of laxatives, diuretics, or enemas).
• Binge-eating–purging type: During the current episode of anorexia nervosa, the person has regularly engaged in binge-eating or purging behavior (self-induced vomiting or the misuse of laxatives, diuretics, or enemas).
Bulimia Nervosa
• Recurrent episodes of binge eating characterized by both:
1. Eating, in a discrete period of time (e.g., within any 2-hour period), an amount of food that is definitely larger than most people would eat during a similar period of time and under similar circumstances
2. A sense of lack of control over eating during the episode, defined by a feeling that one cannot stop eating or control what or how much one is eating
• Recurrent inappropriate compensatory behavior to prevent weight gain
1. Self-induced vomiting
2. Misuse of laxatives, diuretics, enemas, or other medications
3. Fasting
4. Excessive exercise
• The binge eating and inappropriate compensatory behavior both occur, on average, at least twice a week for 3 months.
• Self evaluation is unduly influenced by body shape and weight.
• The disturbance does not occur exclusively during episodes of anorexia nervosa.
Type of Bulimia Nervosa
• Purging type: During the current episode of bulimia nervosa, the person has regularly engaged in self-induced vomiting or the misuse of laxatives, diuretics, or enemas.
• Nonpurging type: During the current episode of bulimia nervosa, the person has used inappropriate compensatory behavior but has not regularly engaged in self-induced vomiting or misused laxatives, diuretics, or enemas.
Eating Disorders Not Otherwise Specified (ED NOS). Eating disorder not otherwise specified includes disorders of eating that do not meet the criteria for any specific eating disorder.
1. For female patients, all of the criteria for anorexia nervosa are met except that the patient has regular menses.
2. All of the criteria for anorexia nervosa are met except that, despite significant weight loss, the patient's current weight is in the normal range.
3. All of the criteria for bulimia nervosa are met except that the binge eating and inappropriate compensatory mechanisms occur less than twice a week or for less than 3 months.
4. The patient has normal body weight and regularly uses inappropriate compensatory behavior after eating small amounts of food (e.g., self-induced vomiting after consuming two cookies).
5. Repeatedly chewing and spitting out, but not swallowing, large amounts of food.
Binge-eating disorder is recurrent episodes of binge eating in the absence if regular inappropriate compensatory behavior characteristic of bulimia nervosa.
(Adapted from American Psychiatric Association: Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 4th ed, text rev. Washington, DC, American Psychiatric Association, 2000)
Case Examples of Eating and Food Issues:
Cathy, a 25-year-old 2nd-year med student, came to therapy because some fellow students expressed their concerns about Cathy’s extreme weight loss and increasing lack of participation in social events. Cathy maintains that she is fine, that she is simply stressed out about school, and puts grades ahead of socializing. At 5’4” and 96 lbs, she has a BMI of 16.5. She states she is menstruating regularly, though very lightly, and has been on birth control pills for the last 4 years. Further questioning revealed that Cathy was teased for being chubby in middle school and for a period of time in middle and high school, engaged in inducing vomiting after meals. Since the she has an intense fear of becoming “the fat kid that no one likes,” and said that she had been maintaining her weight around 110 lbs until the beginning of this school year, when the pressures of school made her, as she puts it, “aware of how important it is to be the best,” including being the thinnest, and she began cutting back on her food portions, eliminating fats from her diet, and avoiding social situations in which food is involved, because “I don’t know what’s in it.” Cathy’s therapist referred her to a physician for medical monitoring, and a dietician for help devising an appropriate meal plan. Cathy’s therapist began by first separating anorexia from Cathy, helping Cathy view anorexia as an unwelcome guest who had take over Cathy’s brain. She helped Cathy challenge Cathy’s distorted, anorexia-driven thinking about Cathy’s body’s needs for nutrients and energy. As Cathy’s eating improved and her brain became well-nourished enough to participate more fully in the therapeutic process, Cathy became aware that she has tremendous fear of being less than perfect, stemming in part from her parents’ focus on her academic achievements in tandem with their lack of focus on her inner emotional experiences. When her parents divorced when Cathy was in 5th grade, Cathy saw that her parents seemed happier when she did well in school, and she wanted to help them feel happy. She wanted also to make sure that wasn’t a burden or an unhappy reminder of their failed marriage. She had learned to ignore her own emotional needs, and this was reflected in her denying her physical need for food. As she re-connected to her feelings, her therapist guided her to manage painful emotions rather than starving them away, and she found that she was increasingly less fearful of becoming obese and more comfortable in her body. Cathy’s therapist referred her to a psychiatrist who prescribed medication for the obsessive-compulsive anxiety related to her perfectionism. She has learned to recognize and challenge the “voice” of anorexia, and affirm her right to feel her feelings and her physical hunger, and need help and support from others as well as food.
Yvonne, 38, is an elementary school teacher who has been overweight since childhood. She has been on hundreds of diets, losing weight but them regaining it, often gaining more weight than she lost initially. She berates herself for being “a fat pig,” and feels ashamed of her lack of willpower. She is divorced, and her ex-husband used to make nasty remarks about her weight, to which she reacted by retreating to her den in tears and waiting until he went to bed so she could sneak into the kitchen and soothe herself with ice cream and cookies. After such an episode, she would mentally flagellate herself for her shameful behavior, and vow to be strong and disciplined from then on. She came to therapy because she felt defeated by her lack of ability to follow through on her promises to herself, and wondered if she had a problem with emotional eating. She was concerned that the idea that she was, perhaps, an emotional eater, was just an excuse for her weakness as a human being. Her therapist explained disordered eating, and the relationship between painful emotional states and the misuse of food as an antidote. She gave Yvonne tools for tuning into her body’s hunger and satiety signals, and using those as a guide to when her body needed food, rather than following a weight-loss plan. At the same time, she taught Yvonne to use urges to overeat as signals that she was experiencing something emotionally that she needed to attend to. Yvonne learned to value herself and her needs, and created a “toolbox” of self-care skills she could use when feeling bad or wanting to overeat. She explored her family dynamics, and recognized the effects of her father’s alcoholism on her family and specifically on her relationship with food and her body—she had unknowingly learned from her father to stuff painful feelings down, and began reaching for food to comfort herself when her father was drunk and arguing with her mother, who was timid and did not argue back. As her eating became more in tune with her body’s needs and she developed greater emotional self-care skills, her body dropped much of the excess weight.
Therapy for Eating and Food Issues: There are many different types of psychotherapy that are used in the treatment of disordered eating. The two that have been studied the most are Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and interpersonal psychotherapy. Other commonly employed approaches are Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT), Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) and psychodynamic modalities such as Internal Family Systems (IFS) and the Developmental Needs Meeting Strategy (DNMS). Group therapy is often encouraged as an adjunct to individual therapy, as support from others struggling with eating problems has been found to be an important component of recovery.
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What an amazing story! This woman is as insightful as she is talented in writing. I thoroughly enjoyed reading this story and appreciate all of the points made. As difficult as anorexia is to treat, this woman certainly made all of her efforts and the efforts of her therapist worthwhile and then some
I, too, got a lot out of this story. It was very powerful and I hope to share it with my clients. I think that befriending anorexia is something that we never hear about. Rather than fight it, appreciate it for what it's done-very interesting point and “food for thought.” It also gives a lot of credence to examining the internal family structure.
What a remarkable woman! To be able to understand yourself and your problems so transparently is most certainly the result of some very hard work. I am proud of her, even though I don't know her. Again, what a woman!
Diet plan definitely help in reducing over weight. If you eat too many "wrong" calories then you'll get fat. This is why many obese people remain overweight.
I totally agree with everything in this blog entry. But, my large and looming question is this: how do you get from the binge/purge cycle to being able to have your favorite food in the house for weeks without touching it? I have always been amazed by people who have that sort of will power.I'm one of the ones who eats it as soon as it crosses the threshold!
I also wonder the same thing as well as something else: what about people who are severely overweight? Don't they need to take some steps to get themselves healthy? What about people who are diagnosed with something like diabetes. They really have to watch what they eat-a sugar addict with diabetes can't continue to eat sugar the way they have. Otherwise, they'll end up in a diabetic coma. What is that sort of person to do?
I enjoy watching Dr. Oz on Oprah. I thought he had a good suggestion. Rather than focusing on what food you are eating, try reading the ingredient label as a prescription. I thought that was an interesting concept. But, it may very well feed right into that diet mentality. Being overweight certainly is an odd phenomenon in the history of the world. In some times in history and in some cultures, it's prized as being a sign of wealth. Unfortunately, we happen to live in a time and place where those who are overweight are ostracized and criticized.
I think the best way to get from a diet mentality to a sane relationship with food is to rework your thinking and the way you respond to food. If you work on your thinking before making any sort of action plan, I think you stand a better chance of success. I do think that obese people need to lose weight-but only for health reasons. I think that all people are beautiful, no matter their shape or size. But, I also think that many people who are obese are very sad and use food to self-medicate. It's such a complex issue with no easy answer. Our society has certainly made a mess of it all!
Diets are only half of what weight looses need--they need exercise too! Additionally, if you don't have muscle, you can't burn fat! And when you diet, you don't gain muscle.
Interesting insights. I think that the most honest thing that you said was that it is okay to make changes if you are unhappy about something, but changing your body does not mean that the negative thoughts that you have had about yourself are going to go away. At the Beautiful Women Project we believe that it is the sum of a woman's life experiences that makes her beautiful. Taking a moment to recognize just one thing that makes an individual beautiful - that makes her smile when she reflects upon it - that is what makes a woman beautiful. Positive body image will come, loving ourselves will happen - taking it one step at a time.
I am just like most women in America-I'd love to lose a few pounds, especially in certain area, say goodbye to cellulite forever, etc. etc. In fact, I used to be much worse about the whole thing. But, then, after my second daughter was born I gained some major insite into the whole thing. I can remember the exact place on the exact street I was when I asked myself the following question: How in the world can I hate this body that produced to healthy, beautiful children? It may be flawed and imperfect, but how can I hate something that deserves so much honor? My youngest is five, and I still feel the same!
Sometimes I think how lucky we are as a country to have body image be such a big deal. In other places, rather than having the luxury of standing in front of a mirror being critical, women are forced to cover themselves from head to toe. In other places, children don't know to have body image issues b/c they don't have enough to eat, much less have spare money for a mirror to examine themselves in. We are indeed fortunate to sit around and worry about our fat rolls rather than worrying about the enemy coming and taking our family away from us in the middle of the night.
The whole body image thing just drives me crazy, partly b/c I am such a sucker! I fall right into the same trap as all of those women the author mentioned in the statistics. Rather than embracing who I am, I want to look like just about anybody else. I go to the gym five days a week, and I haven't grown an inch taller or lost any of that fat from my thighs. GGRRR....
I am very interested in reading more on how to have a healthy body image. Does anyone know of any good resources?
I usually don't post in blogs but your blog forced me to, amazing work.. beautiful !
For so lond I allowed my own weight to shelter me from life. It kept me isolated in a sense from the troubles which were going on around me. I was simply overlooked as a result of my weight and quite frankly looking back on that now that was my security. When I lost weight and became the focus of attention that was very hard for me and there is still a tendency to turn to food in times of crisis as that has always been my comfort.
I am the opposite of an emotional eater- when I get stressed I think my appetite shuts down and it makes me ill to think about food! But I know others who are exactly the opposite of me and it is like their only coping mechanism in times of stress is to eat.
Kyle you knwo that your comments have made all of the women out here gag- why can't I lose my appetite when stressed?!? I am living proof that stress can make you blow up because there are stressful times in my life when food is like a comforting thing to me although I really have no idea why. It feels like a security blanket.
It is a personal choice that we all make to allow food to take over our lives, same as with alcohol and other drugs. There has to coma a pont where you take control over the issue and not allow it to ruin your life in that manner anymore. There are healthier alternatives and just because you are stressed this does not mean that you have to add to the unhealthy situation by packing on pounds.
Yes yes and yes. . . emotions can make you put on weight and I totally disagree that it is a personla choice. For people who have used this as comfort for so many years it is no easier to let this go without some form of therapy than it is to stop abusing more dangerous drugs. This can be an addiction and I think too many people treat it far too lightly.
Yeah too many people do not recognize this as a serious problem at all. Thye just consider some to be lazy and fat with no idea about the underlying issues which have taken someone there.
And why do you think that some people make food their drug of choice rather than turning to alcohol or drugs? Is this because this is the only comfort or nourishment that they received as a child? I think that problems like these are probably very deep rooted and go back as far as childhood.
That is a very interesting thought. When we are kids and need comfort hopefully there are parents and adults there to fill that void for us. When there are not those role models there of course you will turn elsewhere to find that. There are many who find that in food and this can be just as hard of a habit to break as seeking the same solace in illegal substances. We just need to have more empathy for people who struggle with this and help them (and oursleves too!) find a way through issues without incessantly turning to things that are not good for us.
I always tend to eat when I am hurt or stressed. I am not overweight but that seems to be what I always go to for comfort in any situation- happy or sad. I think that so much of the American lifestyle naturally revolves around food and meals that this is inevitable for some of us.
But how is it that we have all gottne so far off base with food? When hdid it become used for more than to give us energy and sustain us? It seems that now people use it to sustain them in ways that food was never intended to be used. We have to get back to the basics- food for energy, not comfort.
Yes but so many people have grown up with food as comfort and that is such a tough habit to break for all of us. We even have a genre of food called "comfort food" for Heaven's sake! Emotional eating can be such a stress for everyone involved and rarely is it healthy. Thank goodness there are trained therapists who are equipped with issues such as this which remain so taboo in our society. We do not need to ostracize but help these people who deal with these issues.
I never tend to overeat when depressed but know those who do. It is a terrible pattern for them to get into and I hope that people realize that it is no good to ostracize them for behavior that often cannot be helped. making them feel worse about the situation will do nothing but harm them in the long run.
Thanks Margo- as someone who does eat in stressful situations I appreciate the support. For me when people say negative things about my weight it only makes me want to eat even more.
Jeni I agree with you one hundred percent. The more others dwell on things in a negative manner the more it will make you want to do the opposite of what they are telling you. Emotional eating i think especially for women can be a very dangerous situation and we all have to do better with helping ourselves and loved ones deal with the issue.
We have to stop treating food as medication. It is not- when used in the wrong manner it will only bring on even more problems than you may have intended. We have so many issues in the US with things like diabetes, high blood pressure, and heart problems. Much of this is directly attributable to our unhealthy relationships with food.
But what can we do to break this cycle? We are inundated with food no matter where we turn!
Addiction of any kind whether to alcohol, gambling, sex and other forms of substance and bad habit can be damaging. However, the worse among these is to become addicted to drugs as these could alter your life completely or kill you. harleystreet-psychotherapist.co.uk
Why is it that so many of us allow the holiday season to totally stress us out? The holidays are supposed to be about family and friends and love, not the tension that so many of us allow to permeate the atmosphere. We are having a very low key holiday season this year but in years past have had a lot more entertaining to do. But I have never let it all get to me. These are the things and times that I enjoy and look forward to most in the world and I will never let my spirits be dampened at Christmas. the season should be about so much more than that. Here's wishing everyone a joyful and stress free holiday season this year and best to you in the new year!
Holidays for some reason are sometimes stressful. I find my self getting stressed when I am trying to cook everything all at once.... I come from a family that don't really like alcohol or the thought of it in the house, which I on the other hand, like to have a drink while I am cooking. I think it's a good idea to have something different for guests who's not into the drinking.
Some of us are on diets and trying to watch what and how much we eat. I applaud anyone who hosts a holiday dinner and lets the individual decided on their own when they have had enough, not when WE think they have had enough.
I have some lost about fifty pounds this past year but had this fear that the holidays would be my downfall. At work clients were always bringing baked goods and the dinner parties felt like they would sabotage all of my efforts. I tried to remian strong and did so most of the time but I did encounter a few instances where I did feel the pressure from others to indulge. I just wish that everyone could just fill his or her own glass and not constantly remind me or think that they are reminding me of what I am missing by not having that one drink or monster brownie.
Congratulations Liza, that's a significant amount of weight to release! In my experience, it's enough of a challenge to differentiate all the voices in my own head when it comes to deciding what and when and how much to eat -- am I eating because I'm hungry, or because I'm bored, or because it's there, or because everyone else is eating, or because it smells/looks good, or because I've hit that 'what the hell' point etc. etc. For me, adding others' voices, perceived pressure, or alcohol to that mix just jumbles it further.
There was one year where a hostess kept literally shoving things in my face and by the end of the party I was ready to shove her against the wall. I wish that more people could take no for an answer when it comes to refusing food and drink. If I want something then I am a big girl and I can get it for myself.
I am so bad. I want to be a good hostess so I feel that if someone is without food or drink in hand that it is my job to bring that to them.
I loved reading this one. I was in rehab 2 years ago because of a drinking habit in college which all started around the festive season. I stopped socialising a lot as I realised that it was the major cause of temptation. I got married 4 months ago and I had a house party for relatives and close friends. I did exactly this. The only booze in the house was punch and fresh home made wine. That's all and in limited proportions.
I hated going to my cousin's place this christmas. It was booze booze booze and end of the day it felt like a local pub. We had it all drunken brawls, the police knocking on our door and the worst hangover in my life. I would never do that again.
I am a diabetic from childhood and most festival food is out of bounds. Some of my friends have now started keeping me in mind when they plan their menu.
I experienced this same thing at a new year's eve party the other night even though I rarely drink at all. I suppose this is the season of bringing outt he worst in your host, because if your hand is empty someone is always trying to fill it with something alcohol based. maybe all of this will end now that the new year has begun and for the most part the partying is through for a while.
Gracious host or not I think there are times when you have to be a little more in tune with your guests and their needs and shoving food at them all night long is not the way to do this. How about some pleasant connversation instead?
I am a firm believer in eating protein and getting plenty of water because these two things will help you feel full and may help prevent overeating. I really like the soother list idea.
Great read. I never thought about the soother list. This would be great around those holidays when everyone wants you to eat this and that. It is hard for me to resist foods I love and I must admit, I love food. I just have to watch what I eat and I try not to beat myself up if I slip up a little.
Thanks for the advice! I usually try to eat every 2 1/2 to 3 hours, small meals. this seems to satisfy me and keeps me from being hungry or eating too much.
I have struggled with this for years- there have been points in my life where I have almost refused to go to events like this because of having to be around the food and being afraid of how I would deal with the situations. I have finally conquered this fear by trying to eat something small before I go and then that helps me control what I eat once I get there. This kind of fear ruined my social life for many years and I am so hoping to have finally gotten over this hump.
It is really helpful to hear all your feedback and what has worked for you in the past. The holidays can bring up so much stuff for people around relationships, love (including self love!) and the pressure to be "nice", "happy" etc. It is easy to take everything that is not "nice" or not "happy" out on food and the body. What is fascinating to explore (mostly with my clients) post holiday season, is how there is always more going on than is immediately apparent on the surface. People will talk about feeling "like a pig" or "out of control" around food. The problem is that the judgement and shame further entrenches these patterns. Nothing persists unless it serves a function. Finding out what 'function' the 'problem' serves can be the 1st step towards self love and healing.
I love going to social events and seeing all the foods they have available, but that is where I get into trouble. So much food, and I want to try it all... Not good. I am really going to take the suggestions from this article and use them.
Thanks so much for this very insightful article. I used to think that it was only because of the food- that this was the reason my eating becomes so erratic and out of control over the holidays. What I have finally learned is that it is not the food at all but the general sense of this is reflecting how I feel when I am with my extended family. I always feel a little out of control because this is how all of them are and this has made its way into my eating habits. I had a very haphazard time growing up, moving all the time and neither of my parents held consistent jobs. Sometimes we did not even know if or when we could get our next meal, so when we did, we would all get slightly out of control. I think that this urge to hoard food and take as much as I can at one time stems from this and I know that it will take a lot of time to break these habits. But your article and others like it sheds so much light on my problems with this issue for me and I know there is light at the end of the tunnel.
When I am in situations like these everything seems to be a trigger food! I do not know or understand why I derive so uch comfort from food but I do and I always have. I do not necessarily have a weight problem but I know that I have an unhealthy relationship and I want to find out ways to nip this in the bud before my own kids see these things and pick up these bad habits for themselves.
Last night I watched a taped Oprah episode that I had from Monday where she talked all about her weight loss struggles and having to do all of this while in the public eye, and that along with reading this article was a real eye opener for me. It is never about the food, only what we are using the food for. Like her, food has always been my drug of choice in stressful situations, and like many others the holidays are the ultimate of stress for me. I eat not because the food is there but to numb me. I could not believe how much I could realte to all of this and how ready I am to make the changes that I need to make. I know that I will need the help of a therapist to get me past some of my own issues, and I really thank the author here for presenting me with some viable and doable solutions in situations like this and I hope to soon be working on the ways that I can put these into practice in my own life.
How old do I have to be before I can totally stop blaming my family for my issues with weight and take that responsibility for myself? Lord knows I try but every time I alwats backslide into feeling like they made me this way so i have no control over it. How do I get that control back in my life?
To answer to Tarah: Where you have control is where you get hooked and by that I mean emotionally hooked. These are places that usually have roots in our history and our identity. They can have a fair amount of (emotional) charge. It is best to get the help of a professional to start to figure out how you can 'unhook' yourself but for now you can notice every time you get 'hooked'. It is the 1st step towards unhooking yourself... Best Ondina Nandine Hatvany, MFT
I had posted earlier in the week that my granddaughter suffers from an eating disorder so I was so glad to see this article here. I am checking out the website to see if we have missed anything with her treatment or if there are any other avenues for her to try. Thanks so much for posting this here.
As a male who struggled for years with both anorexia and bulimia I am here to say that it about time that these disorders began to get the recognition that they deserve! You would not believe how many times over the course of my own treatment that people who were well meaning would say things like I was just being too vain and to stop caring so much about what I looked like. But after years of treatment and therapy I came to realize that eating disorders are about so much more than that yet it is difficult to explain to anyone who has never experienced this before. I was fortunate enough to have friends and family who cared enough about me to support me and get me to a healthy place in my life (finally!) but we cannot do that while telling those who suffer that they just need to shake it off and get over it. Anorexia and bulimia, as well as overeating, go far deeper than that, and for many like me, it takes years of pretty intensive treatment to overcome. There are still days where I struggle but I know that I have the power to get past it and I do, but it is still a day to day process.
Appreciate the attention eating disorders are getting here. My sister fought anorexia for years and died last year. This effort to get out the message feels like a tribute to her and all that she was and could have been.
this is really a great idea on getting the news and info out there on eating disorders.. So many girls want to be like the models and actresses in magazines and tv, and we wonder why they feel they have to look that way. Great article.
It's so sad to hear that girls are going thru this. They need family and friends to get them the help they need and support and understanding... along with therapy on how to overcome and understand this disease.
I agree with Hal. I think Anorexia and Bulimia are more than diseases and there should be abundance of help out there for people who suffer with this. I am fortunate to not have went thru this, but I have witnessed my sister in law going thru this and the doctor just looked at her and told her she just needed to start eating and stop treating her body badly... Some doctor.. From what she said, he pretty well accused her of something awful.
maybe doctors should be a little more understanding when it comes to illness as bulimia and anorexia. I would hate to have to go to a doctor for help and they just look at as if they were judging me. These girls, men or adults who need help, need someone understanding
It's great to see that there is help out there for these girls that need it. Anyone dealing with bulimia and anorexia need the understanding and help from loved ones as well as therapist... even tho a lot of girls tend to at first not want to listen because they want to be thinner to feel better..
For the girls or boys that need help, I wonder if they have insurance if this would cover something like this for them to get help? This is an illness that I understand, can eventually kill someone if they don't get help.
cool stuff i hope i get to read more updates
More parents and adults need to be on the lookout for these disorders as they are taking the lives of far too many teens these days.
Eating disorders are a sad reality for many families. I am a high school teacher and it amazes me how many girls I see who are already dieting and concerned over body issues that I never thought about at this young age. We are doing a lot of damage to our children from a very early age and look at the turmoil that this has inevitably caused. I am always looking and listening to what my female and male students have to say about things like this. Sometimes I know that I am the only one who is listening to them in their lives and that this might just be the only shot that someone has to make a difference.
I think the worst thing about today's world is the hype about being hip and sexy. You have to love who you are unconditionally cos if you dont nobody will. My mom taught me this when I was 5. I look into the mirror every morning and say this aloud, "Good morning gorgeous!! You are the best!!"
Amelia that is great. I tell my daughter the same things every day- I only hope that the messages I send to her now will be enough to overcome the pressures she will face as a teen a few years down the road and that it can help to ensure that she does not succumb to the negative messages about girls that society so often projects upon them. We need to tell our kids to get smart, not get sickly thin.
I think Amelia is very correct... You have to tell yourself and your child, that they are beautiful, no matter what. A child needs to hear this as well as adults. If you continue to tell yourself that you are beautiful, unconciously you will believe it... I really do believe it's mind over matter and that part of the brain has a lot to do with it.. I've read so much on the brain and how it works and confirmation. We all need to practice this.
As a teenager, this is very common among a lot of girls. I think parents need to take the time to educate their children over the harm and hurt this could cause.
In my opinion, i think if a child does not get the physical love, such as hugging and kissing when they are younger or hear the words "I love you", that they may start questioning themselves whether they are pretty or not. It may be hard for some of us to express our feelings if we weren't given that ourselves when we were growing up.
From what I have read in the past eating disorders are sometimes about having something in your life that you feel you have control over. Is that true? I always thought it had more to do with the unrealistic expectations that we place upon people about what they have to look like in order to be more acceptable to society but maybe I am way off the mark. Does anyone have any insight into this? I tend to think that the control issue seems a little strange but this is something that I have never had to deal with before so I do not want to pass judgement in any way.
It is agonizing to see people going through their issues with food when I see so much waste here. Wasted food, wasted lives. Who would have ever thought that this basic energy source could bring so many problems to so many?
I never knew binge eating is so serious. I think all of us go through that sometime in our teens. I do know that schools are doing their part by altering school lunches to healthier options. It's nice to see some celebrities think differently about size 0. It's not wrong to be size 0 naturally especially if you belong to the Asian race where women have a smaller skeletal structure. I think the awareness is catching up. It's the attitude of people in most cases which needs to change. Most people who are alone, going through a lot of stress, chronic illness or depression have eating disorders. Families and friends need to lend that helping hand. If your friend is too fat pick her along for a morning or evening walk. If your partner is too thin make a romantic dinner at home and dont forget the chocolate mousse.
Having watched a close friend almost kill herself with an eating disorder I can honestly say that it is just not that easy to change their lives. They may eat that piece of chocolate but then they are in the bathroom the next minute trying to throw it up. She has numerous health problems now that all stem from years of traumatizing her body and who knows what kinds of mental and emotional scars that she will carry with her for years. It is scary that eating disorders are so often wrongly diagnosed and that there seems to be very little care for those who have them in their lives.
We are such a wasteful country in general and it makes me sad to think about how many are out there who would kill for the amounts of food that we have so readily available to us and yet there are still those who do not appreciate food for what it is. For many people food is the enemy and i guess it is just kind of difficult for me to wrap my mind around that whole concept. Food should be appreciated and enjoyed, not looked at as something evil yet this is how those with eating disorders perceive it. How does that happen? What happens to people who have this way of thinking about food? Food should be nourishment and we should all be way more appreciative than we are for its plentiful abundance here in the United States.
It is very sad that people have to go through life hating the way they feel and look and blaming the food that they eat. It's no wonder that many people have bulimia or are anorexic from all the junk food they advertise and the way they make it easy to just grab up and eat and all the skinny models in magazines and tv, where a lot of teens and young adults look up to and use as role models to be just like them.
And the more we buy into it the more serious the problems are going to continue to be.
It is important to point out too that this can happen to both young men and women too. I have for years had terrible self esteem and issues with my own body image and nobody ever took me seriously I guess because I am a guy. I mean what kind of guy really even cares about that kind of stuff? Well I did and still do and this has caused me and my family both a great deal of pain. There never seems to be the right kind of treatment geared toward helping men overcome these issues so for a long time now I have felt at a loss as to where to turn for help. I have a fantastic therapist now who is helping me to wrestle with many of my own inner demons but it is still a struggle every day.
Are the symptoms of bulimia the same as anorexia as far as some of the physical problems?
Ray made a good comment... it's not just girls who go thru this, men do as well... It's very common to see girls get caught up in this and don't realize that men do too.. This is a serious problem and we need more people, therapist to help with this and be understanding.
This is definitely bad news!! If these websites are sites owned by registered companies or organizations, I am sure the govt. can hold them responsible for propagating dangerous and hazardous heath trends.
How can there be anything beautiful about eating or not eating till the point of sickness? I think beauty pageants for the small and large encourage this trend indirectly. Therapists need to warn their clients of such websites or material as therapy can never be affective when the person has assimilated conflicting info.
Fads galore these days I would say. Latest is glorifying eating disorders I guess. Being a victim of one, there is nothing beautiful and good about not being able to help oneself.
Looks like this is the latest fad these days. Being a victim of bulimia for years, I can definitely say that there is nothing beautiful or good about not being able to help oneself
This is so sick. Material like this that could potentially cause such harm to someone's life should not be allowed to be posted on the web. Yeah yeah I know free speech and all but give me a break! These sites that have this kind of material are playing right into the hands and heads of girls and guys who already have poor body image and this is making them think that this is OK and that there are ways to be healthy and live with anorexia and bulimia as a way of maintaining dangerously low body weights and in some freaky way being in better control of their bodies. You have to have a really sick mind to read some of what these sites have to say and believe that they are true. But young kids are very impressionable so I know that there are some out there who go to these sites just like they would other help sites and get info that they think is going to help them stay skinny. Too bad they don't tell you all of the dangers that come with unhealthy eating disorders too.
having suffered from bulimia for most of my teenage years and into my twenties I can say emphatically that there is nothing beautiful about this disorder. It is ugly and takes away any self respect you ever had. Maybe that is the kind of statements that they need to be posting to these sites.
These sites should be banned. But how can they if they are doing nothing wrong except hurting other people. Shame on them!
I have read a lot on this blog and find it interesting that no one has commented that people with eating disorders should just be able to stop acting out in the way that certain authors here feel that other addicts should do. Why is that? Are anorexia and bulimia not considered addictions like other poor behavioral choices are? I am not challenging anyone nor do I make light of the problems experienced by others, but does anyone ever tell the anorexic or bulimic to just stop their bad behavior in the same way that we will say these things to and about alcoholics and drug addicts?
This is absolutely Crazy! What do these sites encourage? Death? Surely something's got to be done.
all I have to say is that we have to be more careful every day about the content we allow into our homes, no matter the venue that it comes from. Kids and adults as well are easily influenced and who knows who is going to be taken in by this kind of sick material.
I know that all of us probably think the same thing- that sites like these should be banned. But we all know that this is not something that is going to be a possibility. So why not start at home teaching our families the best ways to stay healthy and how to feel good about who they are and the choices that they make? There are of course some horrible influences on them in this world that we just cannot shield them from. But we have to know that when we are giving them the right kind of information and validation at home the chances of them buying into what sites like these have to say is smaller than it would have been otherwise. We can never keep them from everything negative but knowing that we are giving our kids a good foundation is a great way to start and to hopefully know that they are equipped to make tough decisions that are not going to harm them in the long term.
I agree with you, runninfast. It starts at home and all we can do is do our best when educating our kids. That's all we can do. Teach them what is wrong and the cons about doing this to our bodies and teach them what is right when it comes to appreciating our bodies.
I don't know who in their right minds think bulimia, anorexia or skinniness is sexy and beautiful. These websites that promote this need a reality check
i’ve never heard of such a thing! I would have never thought anyone would even advertise something like this.
I'm sure many of us think this is totally and utterly wrong, but what can we do? Nothing! It's a shame that people who promote these sites, have no morals at all!
Too bad you can't work up a petition to get these sites banned. I know... freedom of speech, but still yet, it's hurting a lot of young girls and boys
I'm writing an essay on the pro-ana & pro-mia websites. i'm finding out a lot and i even visited one to check one out (i can't write on a topic with genuine feeling that i've never seen or experienced before) and i was disgusted. they wrote up that bulimia and anorexia are not diseases, they're a lifestyle choice. i'm sickened by the people who choose to invade other's lives with harsh & cruel tips when they should just worry about their own life.
Recovery from eating disorder is an all time struggling battle. I've seen this at the rehab i used to work at and never knew how difficult it could be for some people.
I have never had a true eating disorder but I know that I do have a problem relationship with food. My weight is always yo yo-ing fifteen or twenty pounds, and it seems like I lose weight just to gain it all back again, sometimes more. I never feel like I have a love relationship with food in a healthy way, only a hate one in a bad way. I think of myself as being "good" when I stick to my eating plan and have only a certain amount of calories a day whereas I will describe myself as being "bad" even if I have only a small treat. I do not really know how this relationship with food got started but now I have been in it for years and have no idea how to get out. Does anyone have any advice or things I could read to help me get my life back on track? I feel like I am ruled by food and my problems with it and I hate how that makes me feel.
Dear Caroline, Thanks for writing. Many people get caught in this yo yo weight experience yet feel they don't meet the various criteria for an eating disorder. A challenging but efficient way to approach your eating dilemma is to keep a journal. Every morning if possible, write for three or four pages. Write whatever comes to you mind. And if nothing comes to your mind describe your room or what you are wearing or what you did yesterday. Just write. Keep all your writing in a notebook so it's not scattered sheets, and date every page. Be sure to include your feelings. Just do this for months. Eventually you will go through your weight gain and loss and regain because that's your pattern. Then read your journal. You will see how your thoughts and feelings change. You will get insight into what "triggers" your patterns. Once you have this information you will be better able to make your decisions about what,if anything, you need to place in or remove from your life (or both) to keep yourself steady and free from that yo yo experience. Please let me know how you are doing! warm regards, Joanna
I feel the same as Caroline. I don't really beat myself up when I eat something bad, I get disappointed in myself and wonder what good did it do, that the taste was only going to be temporary. I get back on the bandwagon again and try again. It's not about dieting, its about eating right, healthy and if I decide to eat something that's not really what i need, I'll just eat a bite or two, just to satisfy that craving. Portion control is what it is all about for me.
Dear Pamela, Thank you for your post. I'm thinking about what you and Caroline are saying. Here's what I come up with. If you have an eating disorder, you will get caught in the behavior regardless of any structural changes you make in your behavior. The underlying reasons that are the basis of your particular eating disorder will remain unaddressed. So sooner or later, the behavior will return. But... if you don't have an eating disorder, making structural changes WILL have a positive effect on your behavior. You know that portion control is something you need to be aware of. I wonder about your using the word crave. It's a powerful word. When it's used by a person with an eating disorder it can relate to that person being on the verge of a binge and then either bingeing or going into starvation mode as a response. If you don't have an eating disorder, I suggest you find other words to use for what you mean. Having a yen for? Having a taste for? Something looking good or appealing? Then you have framed your experience differently in your own mind. It's okay to have a yen for something or have a taste of something that looks good to you right now and have it -- just not amounts that lead to trouble. It sounds to me like you are or are becoming an intuitive eater. And that's great. Intuitive eating is all about creating a healthy relationship with food. http://www.intuitiveeating.com/ Thank you again for your post! warm regards, Joanna
My twin died from complications from anorexia so I know what a challenge these feelings about food can be. They become all consuming and that is all you think about. I mean I even struggled with my own issues while she went through hers thinking things like we weigh the same thing so maybe I am fat just like she thinks she is. Luckily I was able to be honest with myself and accept that this was not the truth but Rhiannon never was so lucky. She saw herself as fat until the day she went into the hospital and never can home again. It was like her brain and her eyes and her body had rebelled against her and led her to believe the grossest untruths about herself. There are great recovery programs out there but I know having lived through this that there just are not enough of them, and that there are not enough families and doctors even today who treat this as seriously as they should. You would think that with all of the research out there that would be changing but there is still so much shame attached to the subject that there are still those who do not feel comfortable with talking about it.
Dear Ryann, Thank you for sharing part of your story with us. I am so very sorry for your loss. To watch your twin sister deteriorate has got to have been a tragedy for you and your family. I marvel at your strength and wisdom and applaud your ability to be your own person. You are a force working against ignorance and shame by speaking the truth of your experience so plainly and clearly. You enrich us with your post. I hope you will continue writing. You have much of value to share with the world. warm regards, Joanna
Joanna I have a question for you. Do you think that eating disorders can ever truly be overcome or do you think that self doubt that often accompanies these diseases is always there lurking beneath the surface, ready to emerge the next time there is a negative trigger?
Dear Georgia, Thank you for asking this question! So many people want to know the answer. Let me circle your question a little. The answer takes in more than what you ask. Suppose we take eating disorders out of your post. Then you are asking, "Does self doubt lurk beneath the surface in our psyches, ready to emerge when there is a negative trigger?" Now we've really got something. Do we ever become so self confident that we never experience self doubt? Mmm. I would be wary of people who never questioned themselves, never explored their assumptions, they knew all they needed to know and had all the tools, skills and depth of awareness they would ever need for a lifetime of living in our ambiguous and changing world. If this is a realistic perspective, that is, if having occasional bouts of self doubt is normal and healthy, even useful when we need to learn something, then self doubt will emerge periodically throughout our lives. Your question refers to "self doubt lurking beneath the surface." My question is, 'why would self doubt lurk near the surface?' If that is true then the person is skating along in life with little self confidence and can be easily swayed by people or events. Many people struggling with eating disorders wish for the day they will be completely free. Or they don't try to recover because they think complete freedom doesn't exist. But being human means we have to continue to learn and grow. We are continually meeting challenges that could be thought of as triggers in life. We don't get complete freedom from stress, anxiety, worry, rage, fear or any of the human emotions. The challenge has more to do with how we experience these feelings and whether we use them as information or whether we act out. Sorry this is a long answer. I'm trying to make it short as possible, but there's a lot to cover! So, can a person with an eating disorder find real recovery? Yes. Can she be free of the compulsions? Yes. Will she ever find herself in a situation where something - maybe she knows what and maybe she doesn't - triggers powerful feelings and the desire to act out in old eating disorder ways? Probably. Will she have the strength, self confidence, ability to explore her own self doubts to find her way through the experience without acting out her eating disorder? Yes. That's what real recovery looks like. In recovery you don't find a perfect world where no triggers exist. In recovery you don't become a perfect person where nothing triggers you. In recovery you become a healthy, self reliant person. You can meet your own self doubts and have the strength and resiliance to stand for what you believe if that's what's called for or beyond your limited beliefs if that's what is necessary to live a full and healthy life. Hope that gets to the heart of your question, Georgia!
Why is it that food seems to be a problem for a lot of us. I know it's not the food that's the problem but Us who has a problem with food. And it seems like the bad, junky food is always the food we want the most. Food tastes great and the more junk food out there, the more i think people will have a prob with it.
Dear Lila, We live in a stressful demanding world. Today, in my opinion, we need to be more healthy, strong, confident and resilient than ever before. And we need to relax. We need soothing from stress and strain. We need a "time out" so we can heal, repair, think, feel and learn from our experiences. When we can't find ways to take care of ourselves because of a vulnerability of some kind, we will look for what will "work" for us. Bingeing on broccoli doesn't do it. Snacking on liver and onions won't do it. But the carbs, the sugars, the products made with flour, will take us "out." Unfortunately when people get to that numbed state think they are relaxed because the pain or anixiety has stopped. That's not being relaxed. That's being anesthetized. We need to develop ways to really take care of ourselves, whether we have an eating disorder or not,. Walks, baths, books, time with friends, writing, gardening, dancing, yoga, meditation, painting, sketching are all healthful and productive ways to care for ourselves and get us through stressful times. They work much better than junk food. Thanks you for asking your question, Lisa. warm regards, Joanna
Joanna, You are totally right! Food is almost like alcohol. When we are depressed, feeling blue, down in the dump, some of us turn to food just like some turn to alcohol. It satisfies us for a while, but aftewards, when reality hits, we feel guilty for giving in and succumbing to what is only a temporary fix
I appreciate all of the questions and comments here. I guess I never realized just how complicated the whole range of eating disorders really is. I thought it was something that someone could just control themselves, you know stop the throwing up and just eat! This helps me to see that it goes so much deeper than this.
Do you have to have special certification to work with those who have eating disorders? I am thinking of going back to school and this is a subject that interests me a great deal. Thank you.
Dear Fran, As far as I know, legally a clinician doesn't need special certification. However, most mental health licenses have a section in their rulings stating that a clinician must work only within their scope of competence. Those words can seem vague or specific, depending on the eye of the beholder. To me, in terms of working with people with eating disorders, the phrasing means that a clinician needs to get specific training in whatever population he or she works with so the work is conducted within the scope of competence. Does that make sense to you? In order to be a member of the professional organizations, International Association of Eating Disorder Professional (IAEDP) and the Academy of Eating Disorders (AED), a clinician must meet certain specific requirements in terms of experience and training. These organizations also sponsor conferences that provide a broad spectrum of education in the field. Many organizations and licensed clinicians offer classes, workshops, seminars in the field or related fields that help equp a clinician to work with the eating disorder population. And, yes, IMO, legally required not, in order to be competent and bring genuine help to people with eating disorders, special studies, experience, education and training is required.
Dear Fran, P.S. I included IAEDP and AED in my last comment because their requirements for membership can sure as a base for getting solid competency work in the field of eating disorders. Meeting those requirements will allow you membership in the organizations. Meeting those requirements will help you establish a foundation of experience, education and skill that will help you become competent in the field. And meeting those requirements will help you be aware of what more you need to learn in an ongoing basis in this most challenging field. Good luck to you! Joanna
Thank you very much for this article - I feel I have made real headway in overcoming my problem with binge eating and it has certainly been very challenging. I really agree with you that it is all about learning how to look after yourself and for me that has been learning how to deal with my emotions and how to be kind to myself. Not an easy thing to do! It has also been really important for me to finally take responsibility for myself. I do feel as though I am on a journey and a very exciting one at that!
Dear Nicki, Thank you for writing in, and congratulations on your recovery progress. The great thing about the journey you are on is that the journey continues long after you find your eating disorder recovery. You just keep on growing, learning and developing, hopefully, for the rest of your life. I agree, it’s not easy, but it’s great! warm regards, Joanna
I really enjoyed this article and the comments. I'm in recovery from 10 years or so of bulimia/anorexia... have been out of therapy and in solid recovery for several years. Do you think recovery is an endless journey? Or do you reach a point where for all practical purposes you're recovered? Or is it always something that is just there, waiting to crop up? I was also wondering: do you think someone who is in solid recovery from an eating disorder but later has a severe bout of depression, should that person find a therapist who has experience with people with eating disorders or does it not matter? My last question... I read your description of recovery, and feel how much my recovery falls short of that inner healing. What to do if some of the underlying stuff never changed? Does it just take more time?
I think having a supportive dad goes a long way. I lost my mom when I was 11. Not the easiest thing in the world at that age. My dad was very patient with me and even the times that he used to criticize, it used to be objective criticism. Looking back, I can say I am a confident person in my own skin. I think its definitely important to have a dad who matures with you.
Although I love both my mother and father dearly they were always so critical of me when I was growing up, telling me things like I was chubby or to stop eating so much. And that really did make an impact on me as a kid, and has carried over into adulthood even though I have tried so hard not to let it. It is as a result of words like these that were used against me that I try to be so careful about what I say to my own girls, because as much as I try to keep a handle on what and how they eat I would never want them to even get the faintest idea that I thought they were fat or eating too much. I know just how easily those seeimingly innocuous words can have on a young girl's self esteem and what a lasting impression this can make on them.
And how about the things they see in the grocery store check out lines on the current magazine covers? We may can shield the kids from our words but there is no way to keep them from the media who declares pretty regularly that if you are over a size 6 then you must be fat. You can't tell me that young girls and women alike do not take all of this to heart because I know that I still do and I am well past my tween and adolescent years. It is hard to ignore all of this sometimes because that is what we are constsntly innundated with. And just think about the girls who not only get the messages from that media but the same stupid verification of that at home too! Imagine how bad they must inevitably come to think about themselves and how unfair that is to them.
I find myself on the other side of the fence Melinda. My son was a big baby who became very skinny between 3-10. I found myself constantly yelling at him and trying to force him to eat. The fact that I was a good cook used to irk me a little more with my skinny child. The world doesnt deal with our sore points generously as well. Years of jibes and jokes from friends and families about him took their toll and I wasnt the supportive mother he would have liked to have. Today he is in therapy for depression and eating disorders. Nothing I do can undo the damage done.
parents love their children, but I think mother's kind of want their daughters to grow up and be like them or be what they weren't. There's pagents, contests, and cheerleading that I think a lot of mothers want their little girls to be in so they push for that self image of their daughter. I think Daddy's just want their little girls to be little girls.
In a very old world my dad was new light. He taught me the less trodden path and today I think I owe a lot to him. There was never an issue of whether I can with him. It was only whether I wanted to. He taught me to be free in life in spirit and I owe a lot to him
As father I have to speak up and say that you should be mindful of what you to say to all of your kids, male or female. Like it or not we are the role models that they are always going to look up to and it is our responsibility as parents to give them the things that they need to be a success in life. So what if they are a little skinny or a little pudgy? We have to get to the point where we can look down deep inside and ask oursleves if he or she is a good kid, does well in school, and is making a positive contribution to the household. If those questions have the answers that we want to hear, what does their size matter and why should we even make comments about it? I want my kids to be healthy too but I know that we all go through up and down phases with our weight and for the most part I know that if I just ignore it then sometimes problems will resolve themselves on their own. Support your kids, don't knock them down.
My dad was very old school and felt like (and still feels) that things he said to me and my sisters growing up were to toughen us up. Guess that is not the way of thinking anymore huh?
I hope that we as a society have evolved past the point that what does not break you can only make you stronger, but i fear that for the older generations that has not hit home yet. For so many young girls especially that is really not the case. They really take what we all have to say to heart and they keep it with them all through adulthood. We all need to make a much better effort about the things we say to our kids and take a good look at what we are teaching them through both our actions and our words.
Fathers can be very positive people as men tend to be less irrational and emotional in their behaviour. I also think men are great motivators.
Dads, be careful what you say. You may not think it but your girls are always listening.
What we're hearing about is the alleged abuse of meds by Michael Jackson. I'd be more inclined to understand that as the reason for his skeletal frame than anorexia. The man had the world at his moonwalking feet and that wasn't enough. He was a tragic 50 year old crazy mixed up kid.
my God i have such mixed feelings about MJ. Loved his spirit, his dancing, his music, all the positive things he did for the world. But the guy was a troubled soul and clearly a survivor of childhood abuse who never, form what i can tell, had a chance to heal in this lifetime. And then there are the allegations that in addition to being a victim of childhood abuse, was a perpetrator and pedophile... so hard to separate the part of me that find him despicable.. i sihs i could transcend it.
I think MJ was a victim of success. Sometimes when you have everything in life its difficult to value the basic things like your body, your job, your family etc. I dont know whether he was a victim of anorexia or a victim of a weak mind. Whatever he was he definitely died a sad death.
I certainly would not be surprised to learn that he had anorexia. Aside from the physical appearance which was appalling to so many of us, you know that he had many inner demons that he probably battled for much of his life, and we all know that one of the ultimate ways to deal with some of those issues is to take control of our bodies to an unhealthy extreme. maybe that is what happened in his case- we will probably never know. But how sad to have lost another legend in this manner and mystery. The good ones just never seem to make it to a ripe old age do they? I am not saying that I agree with everything that he did in his life, but I try not to judge. But you have to admit that for a time there was a talent there and that may never again be matched.
Indeed, Michael went through a lot of hell with the media and people, grew up in an abusive household and was ridiculed by some. No wonder all this took a toll on his body. Anorexia? Who knows, but the symptoms described in this article does make sense and explains some of his problems.
seems obvious to me
It's never about the food. My pantry has comfort foods stuck in dark corners which I eat when I'm bored or upset. Afterwards I feel bad that I did and am getting fat so I eat more. Comfort eating never gives you much comfort for long. An addiction? Not to the food in my opinion. To filling a void or to the distraction of eating.
Thanks for posting about this, I would love to read more about this topic.
I am in therapy for tv addiction. I can totally relate to this and this was the first side effect of my addiction. I piled on the pounds with all the junk food I used to eat. I lived every moment in front of the tv with no life or relationship other than that. I am learning to get over my destructive behaviour with a forced time table. It's working and I just think its sad. Addiction to anything causes bad dietary habits.
Aren't there now 12 step meetings that are geared toward helping people with these kinds of food addictions? I think they are modeled after AA and programs like that. It is hard for me to think of food as an addiction but I guess for many people it is. But I am like the other poster here- I don't really think it is about the food. I think it is about trying to bring fulfillment into your life but by using unhealthy means. I would also like to learn more about the subject.
I think food can be a serious issue. Peopl who lack confidence and have low self esteem prefer closetting themselves than interacting with the world. They would be the ones to be susceptible to the comfort that food gives. However that comfort zone has to be revisited often to stay in euphoria.
This is very understandable. I have always read that before you put a piece of food in your mouth, stop and think.. "am i really hungry" if not, put it down. It may taste good temporarily, but after 5 mintues, what do u have to show for it, but the taste.
There have been so many times that I know I have turned to food for comfort, not because I am hungry but there is just something about certain types of food that gives me pleasure that cannot be explained. I love the way it tastes and feels in my mouth, but I also love the way it makes me feel emotionally. It makes me feel full and satisfied, and sometimes there is nothing else that will do. I have had my struggles with my weight throughout my adult life and even just typing this I know that this is where so many of my problems stem from. It is simply one of those things that I have no idea how to control.
Great headline. I think two things happen. Their self-confidence goes up (which feels good) and their trust in you increases.
Hi Joanna, Thanks so much for taking the time to share your notes on the conference and to good therapy for publishing this. It's almost as if I attended the conference, for free nonetheless... I love how the wisdom of psychotherapy and the research of brain science is merging to reveal the hope for change...
Joanna I want to add my thank you too. So generous of you and good therapy to share your notes with us like this! I've always believed that showing love and kindness consistently can overcome almost anything. It's wonderful to see scientific evidence.
I am so happy to see that there is now more attention being paid to this issue, but for very personal reasons I only wish that more had been known sooner. I lost my sister Julie to anorexia and related complications from the disease more than 20 years ago. Then no one even knew about the disease much less did anything to prevent relapse. I am glad to know that there are people now who care and see this as a serious enough issue to address and hopefully prevent for other families.
Sad to see anyone relapse with anything they struggle with. Good news in the making when there is ever any forward progress in this area
thanks for a great article!
i have heard that food additives are a major cause of food allergies and even unnecessary wight gain. i'll have to read this article.
have any of you seen Fast Food Nation? This shows just how much over processed yet easy to come by food has contributed to the growing size of us all. Not a blanket excuse but one that does seem to hold a little water.
Improving the self esteem of those who have weight problems can go a long way toward helping to solve the problem. I have long battled with my own weight issues and have been everything from the ideal weight to moderately overweight and yes chronically obese. Throughout it all I have never felt good about myself and what I looked like no matter what size I happened to be wearing. I am currently looking into therapy for that because I am tired of not liking who I am and having how I feel about myself depend on my size. It is just not worth it anymore.
Hey Sharon I'm the perfect weight. I just need to be six inches taller and I'm there. ;) Who has the time to cook proper meals and eat healthy every day? I eat because I have to to live. I don't want to have to spend time cooking for hours too. I'd rather gain a few pounds with convenience foods to gain a few hours.
Sounds good to boost self esteem to make people comfortable about what they look like,as I have never found a person happy with their weight - including myself and I have been running a muscle toning/weight business for years. Not only fat people, but thin people want to be thinner. Ask around - do you ever meet anyone who says, yes, I am the perfect weight?
lol Cassie what a great comment- I am right there with you about just needing to add a few vertical inches and I too would be the perfect woman! What I think would really help to resolve some of these issues though has nothing to do with nutrition information, It is all a matter of teaching our younger generations to be healthy and that healthy does not always mean rail skinny. And that fat people are pretty too!
here's my problem. I know WHAT I am supposed to eat, know all of the nutritional guidelines, but just have a hard time sticking with that and putting all of that into action. Losing weight takes time and I am an instant gratification kind of girl if you know what I mean. I want to commit to losing weight and look in the mirror three days later and have reached my goal. That is when I kind of lose heart and the willpower to continue on with the healthy eating. It just seems so slow and although I think it is great to be getting the message out about healthy eating habits I am not sure it is gonna work when it comes to teaching this old dog new tricks.
Sandra I know how you feel. The best way I heard it was that I didn't put the weight on overnight so won't drop it overnight either. I want it gone yesterday as well, believe me. Forget the word diet and fit in a couple of dietary changes because this has to last a lifetime to work. Good luck.
I think I have this! Sometimes i will not even go out with friends over fears about where they are eating and how the resataurant prepares the food. My friends have all kind of laughed it off, but I do not want to lose them over this. How could I find someone in my area to talk to about this because it does freak me out a little too.
You know when I read things like this it sometimes makes me feel like diagnoses like these are only serving the purpose of making people feel like there is something wrong with them. What is wrong with being concerned about the things that we consume and put into our bodies, in addition to caring about the foods that our families eat? There is nothing wrong with being health conscious and passing that along to your kids. It is important to know where the foods that you are eating come from and the processes that they have gone through before reaching your table. That only makes sense to me. I don't call that a disorder- I call that a reality and concern over your own well being.
There's nothing wrong with being health conscious Steph. I agree. It's when you take it to extremes and cut out entire food groups that you do damage to yourself and your family. A balanced diet doesn't do that and malnutrition is not the result of a balanced diet.
Petra Ness: In response to your question, the signs and symptoms of orthorexia nervosa may include - * Planning their daily menu more than 24 hours in advance * Getting more pleasure from the perceived virtue of food than from actually eating it * Decreased quality of life as the focus on “better” quality food increases * Being increasingly rigid and self-critical about their eating * Defining self-esteem and self worth by the quality of food they eat * Having a lower opinion of people who do not eat what they deem healthy * Describing healthy food as “pure,” “proper,” or “correct” * Eating only at home where they have total control of the food, therefore withdrawing socially * Feeling guilt or self-loathing when they eat “incorrect” food Information sourced from The International Eating Disorders Institute. I hope you find that helpful.
The MyPyramid.gov site is based on the food pyramid dietary guidelines jointly agreed upon by the HHS and USDA which are updated every 5 years. Those are next due for revision in 2010. You can create personalized eating plans for your whole family from 2 years old and up. You can compare your eating habits to what's recommended there and see how healthy your diet really is.
learned about this after talking to a therapist about my daughter, who doesn't have an eating disorder but is preoccupied about eating healthy. i think it also includes other symptoms like basic fears about health and different obsessions and behaviors that go with it. how can I find a list of all the sympots, anyone know?
Well said Amy. I know I never thought about my weight at seven. Your daughter's lucky to have a mom with the right attitude to set her mind straight on that. Hey Marty! You're always such a ray of sunshine, you know that? LOL.
My son is 4.5 and calls his friend a pot. The kid is just chubby not fat. I think kids are more conscious than 10 years ago. That's a good and bad thing. Schools freak them out about fats so they dont eat anything which is not high fibre blah blah blah. Its good to be fit but not make it the obsession in life.
My parents and my entire family is big made. I am not fat but I am pear shaped. I face so much in school and am teased no ends. Its sad but thin is always in. Noone looks beyond skin deep when you are a teenager.
My daughter is seven and already she will make little comments here and there about her belly being big and things like that. She is seven! I never thought about things like that at her age yet I was not exposed to all of the anorexic movie stars that our kids are today! These celebs are who our kids look up to and they are making it harder and harder for parents to tell their kids that they are ok no matter what they look like. I think that there is a time and a place for being concerned about your child's weight but there is a right way to handle it and a wrong way. I do not want my daughter to be so weight obsessed that it ends up controlling her life in the way that I see it happening all around me to so many other females. Let's just get back to giving our kids a good old healthy dose of self esteem and let them live happy lives without always having to be so concerned with how they and others look.
How about we just call fat people fat and avoid the euphemisms. What's warped and unrealistic is giving flab a cutesy name. Political correctness makes me sick. If you're fat, you're fat. Deal with it and if you don't like being fat, do something about it.
Anorexia is all about having control over something. I guess that there are many men out there who feel like they have no control over their financial situations right now, so eating and their physical situations are something that they can control. I think that many men feel like they have experienced the brunt of this economic downturn and maybe that is why something so surprising like anorexia has begun to show up more and more among them.
If a man were to come forward and say that he had an eating disorder I bet many people would discount that just because he is a man and we do not hear about those cases very often. This in and of itself could be a huge reason why so many fewer men than women will find the ability to seek treatment for this illness.
The recession really seems to have taken its toll... Any sudden change of financial capability will put people under a lot of pressure, more so the bread-winners of the family. Anorexia affecting people is very alarming and that too in a developed nation... People must try and focus more on their health and not concentrate too much on the finances. Yes,finances are important, but not more than one's health... As the global recession seems to be coming to an end, we can only hope the its ill-effects will now be reversed and restored to its previous states.
Eating disorders can affect both males and females Olivia. My theory is that anorexia in women gets more attention because women tend to be open to discussing health more and reading articles and so on than men. They are also more body conscious on average and the condition is more prevalent in females. Hence the extra attention towards them.
I do not think the times are so bad that people have no money to buy nutritious food for themselves. I think the reason for this development is only mental stress... Losing a job is very unfortunate for any person, and this will surely have a negative effect on any given person, and this development is a testimony to that.
I must admit, when I saw the title of this post, I did not expect it to be about adult men. This dose seem a bit alarming that populations like this that who are not typically seen as being targets for this type of illness are now more than ever struggling. Maybe it is just because anorexia in men has been a more taboo thing that I've never heard much about this before.
Whoever thought up that manorexia title needs shot. There's no reason for a distinction and flippant labels like that make it even harder for men to come forward that need help. On the positive side, it's good to see they are.
I have never really thought about eating disorders affecting men. Guess this just goes to show that here is yet another equal opportunity illness just looking to strike down its next victim.
Although I can see how this might offend I think that in all honesty the donut shop was just trying to be humorous and unintentionally has stepped on some toes. Personally I think that there are greater insults out there to be worried about these days, but hey. I am just one voice.
This is the perfect way to mock at people who are not perfect and I totally back the protest by the Community Alliance United to Seek Equality. The donut shop has no right to do something like this. It is hard to imagine a menu that consists of words associated with various health problems... if its not mocking at people with such conditions, then what is it...? This must be stopped at the earliest by the concerned authorities. After all, a" person's right ends where another person's begins."
I, for one, cannot be taking sides in this argument... Seems to me that there is no right or wrong side in this case and that both are just about right in their own ways... Maybe the naming in the donut is helping people know more about the problems through their naming techniques, but then again it may be creating problems, as advocated by the group. If there is a case file regarding this issue, it is going to be very tough to decide for the judiciary as to whether the donut shop is just using its freedom or is actually causing damage...
How weird is that... I kinda like it though, very different! I can see how people could be offended though. Hopefully the shop owners are in it for the right reasons.
Losing weight has given me a lot of confidence and am now able to do a lot of things that I was previously unable to. This really has boosted by confidence levels and am now a totally new person.
Interesting!!! Abstinence is a good thing after all. For someone like me who lost 30 pounds in a year, I would say the once in a while indulgence is as therapeutic as abstinence!!
ugghh. Losing weight and keeping it off has always been so hard for me! I wish that there was a way for the brain to change in its way of thinking about food once the weight is gone, but it is like I can lose the weight and do so well for a while and then the compulsion to eat will take back over and I end up going through the same dieting motions over and over again. Nothing ever feels permanent. But maybe once I do achieve that permanence I will get those control issues in my brain too and will learn how to keep the weight off for good!
Sorry but when I am trying to change my life for the better by losing weight then I see no way that being optimistic could let me down. What am I supposed to be- mopey all of the time because the weight is not coming off as quickly as I may have expected? If I buy into that notion then I am just going to keep spinning my wheels and get no where in the end. Being optimistic about my chances for success are what is going to keep me going and I know that there are many other people out there like me and in my same shoes who feel the same way. We are tired of being depressed about our weight and are ready to make good changes for ourselves. There is nothing wrong with that.
Optimism and expectation is good, but when done in excess,it all proves to be a bane. Over-expectation,which stems from over-optimism always leads to disappointment and heartbreak and can even nervous breakdown in extreme cases.
^^ I completely agree with the fact that companies promise the world to the customers but of course, the end result fall well short of it, thereby causing a complex in the person's mind that he/she is not good enough at all... this needs to be checked by regulating authorities...
"Hope for the best but be prepared for the worst"... these words fit this situation right. Although a person undergoing a weight-loss program can hope for the best possible result, he/she may be disappointed with the final result. This should be taken in stride by being prepared for such a result right from the initial stage or may bring in negative thoughts after the program...
Well, well well... this might be true because of the very-optimistic adverts being put up by companies organizing such weight-loss programs... They promise the world and this spurs an increase in the expectations of the people joining the program and then when the results are not close to the out-of-the-world transition, people are disappointed. Being moderate regarding the expectations is what is required by people joining such programs.
Too often in the quest for the perfect body I think that women especially set themselves up for failure. We are told time and again that all we have to do is think positive and the results will come. But that is very often not the case. Achieving the ideal takes time and commitment, and that sunny optimism can only get you so far day in and day out when the scales are not moving. There does need to be a degree of optimism but there also has to be a healthy dose of reality to go along with that, and the reality is that losing weight is not a one month challenge. This is something that many of us have to continually struggle with and work on for a lifetime, and when the journey takes that long, it is very easy to lose that optimism along the way.
Unrealistic weight loss goals are sure to set even the hardest worker up to fail. That's just the way it is.
This is an excellent, concise description of the onset and dynamics of eating disorders. Something useful to share with patients.
Hi Peg, Thanks very much for your lovely comment. I'm glad you found this useful. Take care, Lynn
Cutting Ties With Parents (1 Letter) NY Times p. 40 October 27 To the Editor: Re “When Parents Are Too Toxic to Tolerate” (Mind, Oct. 20): Parentectomy — that’s the word we used when I worked for child welfare services in New York City. Some parents mean to harm their kids, and in those rare instances, the children would be made healthier by lopping off the relationship as though it were a diseased body part, like an infected appendix. Children are powerless, but when grown up they are able to get rid of the parents who continue doing harm by ending the relationship. Sometimes bad parents are worse than no parents. Lynn Somerstein
I implore every dieter to throw away the scales and concentrate on becoming happy within. What's the point in making being super slim your priority if you're dispirited every day? Find your joy first. Take care of your spirit and the pounds will take care of themselves.
There are beautiful, beautiful women out there that don't have tiny waistlines. Queen Latifah, Oprah and Kirstie Alley are all stunning. When Oprah lost all that weight before, I thought she looked like death warmed up. Not everyone looks good when they are thin and a high percentage yo-yo diet only to pile it all on again. If you eat healthy, you'll be healthy.
That is a step in the right direction. When I comfort eat and put on weight I become obsessed with the scales. Looking at it as eating healthy rather than dieting is a much more positive message.
I despise myself when I gain weight. I don't only look ugly. I feel ugly inside. Talk about self-loathing. Being able to accept myself for being who I am, thin or fat, and to be happy about that...now that would be a blessing.
There is an ideal weight for every height, likewise it wouldn't be wrong to say that people, no matter of what size, should try and achieve a fit state rather than trying to 'shrink' themselves...
I am such an emotional eater so I am looking for a rpogram like this to help me.
Some people are genetically bigger than others, but that does not necessarily mean they are not healthy or anything... to each one his own, and whatever size they are, being healthy is possible and this is a positive step...
When I eat gross things I end up feeling worse. I think they are going to make me feel better but they never do.
Eating right does keep your spirits high and also your health. It is very important that we eat right as not doing so will leave an impending mark in our minds for the rest of the day... I have felt this. it also happens when we crave for something in particular but do not get to eat it,... we feel low all throughout the day...
More reason to stick with my new all-health diet that I adopted at the behest of my trainer.Cheers
Awesome perspective and great ideas for coping with a sometimes joyful yet stressful holiday. It is always a challenge when so many personalities come together - each with their own expectations of what the day should offer.
Thanks for reading and commenting- holidays can be a challenge; toys and secret weapons can help.;)
My girlfriend does this thing with food "eating good" and "eating bad". If we go out to eat that is her bad night and she will mostly eat what she wants but then she will mope around and talk about how bad she has been. What is that all about? Seems kinda warped to me but I can't say anything to her about how crazy that sounds because she will bit my freakin head off!
It is really upsetting to see some individuals saying that they will skip a meal because they want to reduce but then have a heavy meal later in the day anyway because they were 'so hungry' ! Balanced diet is to be followed...it is not bad to have a good amount of food, but enough physical activity needs to be undertaken to fully utilize the food and not let it accumulate as fat in the body.
Thank you for your helpful article. The following is what has helped me maintain recovery from anorexia. What Helps? - Menu plan My menu plan, consisting of 3 meals and 3 snacks, was constructed whilst I was an in-patient in Marchwood Priory Eating disorder Unit. This is a vital part of my recovery and my main weapon against anorexia. I have since adapted the menu plan with the help of a dietician. My menu plan enables me (also health professionals) to keep track of my intake so if I drop in weight then it can be easily adapted for weight restoration. Experience has taught me that messing around with my menu plan always leads to a relapse. The best thing about having a plan is that it keeps things simple – even if I’m having a wobbly day I know that as long as I stick to it I will be alright. - Exercise contract By my second admission to the EDU I found my exercise was completely out of control. Before being discharged my therapist helped me to work out a sensible, ‘recovery-focused’ exercise contract. As with the menu plan I found the contract a helpful tool to keep me on an even keel. Again, going off contract and giving in to my exercise addiction is an alarm bell for relapse. - CBT tools CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) has been a fantastic tool. My CBT therapist (Paul Murray) has helped me no end to recognise the link between my thought patterns and how they impact upon my anorexia and depression. Through using thought records, setting up behaviour experiments and most significantly being reminded that I cannot predict the future or read other people’s minds I am now much less afraid of my thoughts and more able to challenge them. Paul helped me to understand that having anorexia and depression does not make me unintelligent or hopeless at all. In fact the friends I have made whilst in hospital are some of the most caring, bright, selfless, likeable people I have ever met! - Medication In the early days of my illness at about age 17, I was completely opposed to all medication. Over the years I have been prescribed sertraline, dothiepin, prozac, mirtazipine, diazepam, temazepam, impramine and none of it helped very much at all. It was only very recently when I was hospitalised in 2008 that after trying literally everything else that I agreed to give medication one more go. My consultant (Dr Millin) put me on Venlafaxine and Quetiepine and apart from a setback later that year when I was on Olanzapine to regain weight, I have found this combination has hand on heart transformed my life. Though I still struggle with anorexia ‘blips’ and continue to find weight restoration a real battle it is nowhere near as hard as it was without medication. My advice is to keep trying until you find the right one for you – if something is not helping then don’t stick with it longer than a few months see your GP/consultant to try something else. - Cognitive analytical therapy Since 2008 I have worked with a CAT therapist who has helped me make a states of mind map which shows me where my behaviour/thinking traps are and provides me with different exit strategies. I would strongly recommend finding a CAT therapist to work with as it is another useful tool. - Memorising Scripture/recovery quotes Especially in the early days of recovery I found I had an awful lot of time that I’d preciously dedicated to anorexia free so memorising both Bible verses and recovery quotes proved to be a great help.
For years I struggled to get control of my weight and it just never has happened for me. I have finally come to terms that I was tired of feeling like a bad person just because I enjoyed an extra slice of pie. Now I am not saying that it was easy to come to terms with this but I do have to say that I have been a whole lot happier since I have been able to let go of all of those negative feelings about food that I carried around with me for years.
My mom is in her late 40s and has been overweight for the past decade at least... she keep worrying about it but never listens when I ask her not to have her meals in front of the TV... I have observed that she eats too much and that she does not chew her food enough. In addition to the health hazard that it is causing, we also miss her when all the others are having a 'family meal'
I'm quite surprized to know that there are people out there who actually have feelings of being flawed, depending on the food that they eat...But it may be something very normal to a lot of people. Nevertheless, my theory is-eat what you want,when you want and how you want, just workout enough to stay in shape :)
Thank you all for your comments! Pauline, good for you! Self-acceptance is crucial to well-being, as are peaceful relationships with food and body. Alec, if your mom is eating in front of the TV when the rest of the family is sitting at the table enjoying a family meal, she could be suffering from something other than just poor eating habits, such as depression or anxiety. Off-kilter eating habits are often signs of an underlying problem. She may benefit from counseling. Jemma, separating a sense of worth and value as a person from one's eating behaviors, weight, shape or size is surprisingly difficult for some people. The key is learning to recognize one's innate worth and value, and to eat and exercise for the purpose of taking good care of that worthwhile, valuable person!
Ondina, I liked that! Ever see City of Angels where Meg Ryan (Maggie) is asked to describe a pear by Nicolas Cage (Seth)? Seth: What's that like? What's it taste like? Describe it like Hemingway. Maggie: Well, it tastes like a pear. You don't know what a pear tastes like? Seth: I don't know what a pear tastes like to you. Maggie: Sweet, juicy, soft on your tongue, grainy like a sugary sand that dissolves in your mouth. How's that? Seth: It's perfect. That's what I'd call mindful eating. :)
As a child I sat at a table for every single meal. My dad didn't allow us to bring anything to the table apart from ourselves. Nor could we leave it until everyone was finished eating and then sharing their day. I was amazed when I went to other kids' houses and saw them reading or watching TV and getting up and down when they felt like it. Back then I thought I was deprived. Now I see that was his way of connecting with us and making sure we appreciated both what was on the table and my mother's efforts. He'd ask each of us what we'd liked best about our meal that night. If we hadn't paid attention to our food, we couldn't have answered. That was a good article!
I love that movie, Lacey. I can't stand having to balance a meal on my lap and eat hurriedly. Fast food in your car is the most defective idea ever thought of. It can't be good for your digestive system either, not to mention the calorific value. Thank you for sharing that, Ondina.
It's also insulting to the cook when you rush through food to get back to watching the football game or soap opera and don't savor it. You should be mindful of the food itself and appreciate of the work and love that went into the preparation of a home cooked meal.
I'm ashamed to say I have often been at my desk, opened a big bag of cookies, intending to have a couple and ate every last cookie without even noticing until I was down to the crumbs! That's mindless eating I imagine, the opposite of mindful eating.
And that is exactly how I added twenty pounds within six months, Martha. With my figure they could have painted me white, added a scarf and a top hat and I'd have made a great snowman decoration for our yard LOL. Now I pay attention to my food, mealtimes and the size of the serving too. Ondina is definitely right. When you slow down and really taste what you're eating while chewing every mouthful, you'll notice how much better it tastes and how much more you leave behind on your plate.
I have always believed that if we eat slowly, we eat less and also enjoy the food better and have always followed this habit too. I love Mars, but then I never eat more than one bar, and while I am eating it, I go slow and enjoy every bite.
The concept of mindful eating has brought me a much sweeter relationship with food over the past year and I feel like my ultimate test is here with the holidays to see if what I have learned over the past year with the help of my nutritionis6t I can make stick when platters abound with unhealthy choices. But now rather than stuffing my face with who knows what I try to make a conscious decision about what I eat and have enough only to appreciate the taste, not to feel gorged with it.
I love all the feedback! Now I must add 'City of Angels' to my holiday-must-see list + practice mindful eating myself...: ) Here's to pleasure- filled mindful moments for you all! Ondina
I've always been a very slow eater and am regularly the last person to finish at the table. I'm mindful when eating but must admit that chocolate is a gobble food and my ultimate weakness! However, even with chocolate, I can make a packet last ages without feeling deprived in any way. I wonder if there is a connection between this and the psychological habits that the slow eating must have formed between the act of eating and the feeling of being full.
I do not eat slowly, but I always make sure I'm in control of how much I eat and I also make sure I chew my food well. Do you think there is any reason to slow down if I follow the above procedure? Thanks.
Hi Michael If you enjoy eating faster then follow that.... Remember it's about what you enjoy the most. You might want to try the slower eating and see if you don't enjoy that more... Also if you are eating slower you might find you have less need to control how much you eat because you will feel when you've had enough. Just some food for thought (pun intended!) Best Ondina
Cooking isn't an art form anymore and it should be. Eating is reduced now to what we do to live. How else can we explain the junk food we consume? It's sure not for the good of our health. Ondina, you'll love City of Angels. Nic Cage plays an angel in it and that's why he's asking her. He's never tasted food, only read about what it's like. :)
I find cooking and enjoying a good meal relaxing. It's also a wonderfully social activity. We've forgotten that side of it as well. Breaking bread together cements relationships.
Mealtimes are to be gotten out of the way ASAP. They interrupt my TV! LOL.
Ondina, you made me hungry. ;) Happy New Year.
7 course New year's Dinner... Talk about mindful eating! Every course was a rich + small portion but very artfully served with loooong breaks in between... There was even a champagne sorbet to cleanse the palet before the main course, which we ended up taking home. Desert we opted for there- Yum! There is a whole level of nurturing that happened with the artful presentation of the food and the socializing in between courses... So here's another pointer: Nurturing can take many different forms if you practice mindful eating...; ) Happy 2010!
Peope under depression tend to have bad eating habits and this needs to be taken care of as a part of the health plans at schools.
Pre-tten and teenage kids need all the advice and guidance they can get and it is no surprise that those who got ample of it with a scientific approach benefitted to a greater degree.
It is never just about the food- these girls are trying to mask their real feelings and they are doing this by gorging themselves on unhealthy food options. I am not sure that I understand where this need to cover comes from but then I look at it rationally and realize that my own need for a smoke every now and then is the same thing. It is just that the damage that I am doing is on in the inside and these girls wear those on the outside for all to see.
well, it is true that guiding someone through a path is far better than just directing them, and it is the same here. Just giving a plan is not enough, especially for young adults. It is important to guide them through it, helping them and keeping their focus on the plan.
Until girls see for real that the images on screen and in the magazines are not what life is all baout then we are going to continue to have these problems with overeating, obesity, and other food disorders. Therapy is not enough when society itself is not willing to recognize that these images are causing our young girls a world of problems- there needs to be a major change in how we all think about body image in order to make the most difference.
Pre-teens and teens are exposed to a lot of media now and they think that perfection is the way ahead and see all the great looking models and other people on TV and the internet and are not content with anything less than that. While maintaining your physical appearance is a good thing, kids tend to go overboard in this regard.
When grown women get comfortable in their own skin that is when we will see the difference in how young girls feel too.
Yes, it is true that the situation becomes very problematic when there is a mental and physical combinational disorder. Most often, people tend to head for one of the solutions,not knowing that the problem cannot be solved if the other part is not solved too... this results in no full solution being yielded even after treatment... guidance should be given to such cases at all kinds of health facilities,one of which they will surely go to.
Most people tend to eat unnecessarily when they are involved in some other activity like watching tv or using the computer. Also, I have observed that most often it is the people who do not exercise that get into binge eating.These are the people who are not actuall;y very conscious of their health and this may very well have to do with their mental setup and it would need psychotherapy more than a weight loss program to really help such people.
As a recovering binge eater I know that there were times where I would have literally eaten myself into the grave if not for the sanity and assurance that I could succeed and triumph over this that I got from my counselor. She has been a real blessing to me, and believe me I have been through several different programs, and while they started me on the right path, she has been the one who has been able to keep me there. She gave me the insight and the will to see what was really going on with me, what I was trying to cover with my eating and how to get out from behind the ma sk and the facade of that life that I had been living.
Most binge eaters are people who want to stop the habit but are just not able to.a little bit of guidance and understanding from someone,preferably a professional,will do them a world of good.
The key though is finding someone you trust and can relate to who can best help you.
Stuffing down your feelings with food is not a great way to live but I see it happening everyday in my line of work. Many programs are fabulous, but until you find that one person whom you can trust and who can help you break through many of those issues that plague you and cause you to exhibit this kind of behavior there will be no real lasting and sustainable changes. I see so many make progress in the programs but then when they come out they are right back off hte proverbial wagon again. Sometimes I see what looks like harder habits to break when it comes to eating disorders than any alcoholic or drug addict has faced. When so much of this deals with hidden self esteem and worth issues those seem like they are so much harder to overcome because it is hard to make those feelings go away, and to change the way that you may have always looked at yourself.
It's always the right mixture of program and talk that will usually show those with eating disorders the greatest path to success. One thing might not work alone but when used together they can really do the trick.
You are exactly on target! People come to me all the time for anxiety. I ask them how much coffee or colas do you drink? How much chocolate or candy? In treating anxiety one must look at the whole picture which includes diet, relaxation techniques and breathing exercises. I like as you walk..the first 4 steps inhale...the next 4 steps hold your breath..the next 8 steps exhale. Breathing and diet are bery important components to anxiety reduction.
As an armchair nutritionist I am so glad to see all of this in print! These are things I have been telling my friends and family for years! You have to be so mindful of the things that you feed your body. Not only can they play the devil with your overall physical health but they also determine your mindset and how stable your are mentally and spiritually. For years people have thought I was nuts spouting all of this out but I know from my own experiences just how true this really is. Thank you so much for sharing this wonderful information with all of us, and I am definitely going to make sure that everyone I have been talking to has the chance to read it too.
wow...i never imagined that diet patterns can influence anxiety levels in an individual. i thought it was the other way around...if a person is anxious,he or she tends to dat fast and a much larger quantity.
most of us use the above-mentioned food items with little thought of anything other than the calories. I did not know that certain foods could actually promote stress and panic attacks. I will now spread the word to my friends and try to be careful about my diet in the future.
even more reason for schools to do better with what they feed our kids everyday! just think of how much school performance could improve if they would ever get around to giving our kids healthy nutritious lunches all of the time.
I do agree that your weight is not who you are, as some of us have been led to believe. But I do think that it is important to continue to stress the importance of a healthy lifestyle. After all we all know that carrying too much weight around is not good for most of us, and that a significant way to improve our overall health is to drop a few pounds when necessary. So while it is not good to always focus on the scale and certainly not ideal for you to base your self worth an what that scales says that you weigh, it is a good idea to be in tune with your body and to strive for healthier living practices.
People should stop stressing themselves about these things and just see to it that their life is full of joy and they are happy with people around them and that they are being a good human being in their life!
Amen! Although for some of us, this is easier said than done. Support from others, personal and professional, is essential in order to heal from disordered eating.
Eileen, our bodies want to be healthy and this includes being the optimal size and shape and ratio of lean body mass to fat stores for each of us. If we give our bodies the kinds and amounts of food and exercise they need, they will maintain or arrive at those optimal levels. No focus on scales is necessary. It's about living in harmony-- mind, body emotions, spirit-with ourselves.
Thanks so much for this insight. I have struggled for years with my weight, always resolving that this was going to be the year to make changes for the better and that never really worked out too well for me. I have decided to let it go but it is so hard! I look at myself in the mirror and do not like the image that I see and always have this feeling that if I could just lose those 20 pounds then all of that would be different but you just never know. So this year I am trying to come to terms with being happy with who I am and where I am right now and hopefully when I get to that point then I can make the choice to lose the weight and to become a healthier person overall. I know it is about so much mre than a number on the scale or the size of my jeans but quite honestly it is just not that easy to let those kinds of things go when those are the numbers thta you have allowed to rule your life for so many years now.
You're welcome, Michelle. It is hard to let go of a lifetime's worth of thinking a certain way. I encourage you to focus on listening to and nourishing your body because you value it (and yourself), without investment in any result in terms of shape and size, and trusting that as you do, it will shift to whatever its natural shape and size is.
It is more important to be a good person, a good individual than be aesthetically appealing. Okay, if you look good,then that's great but if you are not too fortunate, make up for that with your behavior and everybody will love you!
I agree, Emrett! I'll add that I believe looks aren't something to be made up for by behavior; rather, they are just different aspects of who we are.
Thanks to everyone who has posted simce my previous comment. This has always been a struggle for me and letting go of those preconceived notions of what you think you should look like are difficult to say the least. But I am working on it and I know that with support like you can get here I can be a success, maybe not a size 6 but a success anyway! :-)
Michele, you are already a success! I'm glad you're finding so much support here. We're not designed to operate alone; we need connection to and assistance from others, and you're tending to yourself by reaching out and connecting and getting that assistance.
This is so interesting- I was just doing some other reading this morning and read that kids who eat dinner with their families, get enough sleep, and watch fewer than 2 hours of tv per day are less likely to be overweight than kids who do not have this type of routine. And now it looks like adding reading to that list could be another benefit. It is great to be getting all of these tips, but I am also a firm believer that our kids have got to get moving! Too many of them sit around being couch potatoes and nobody is making them get up off their fannies and get some exercise. I swear that sometimes my parents would lock the door when they sent us out to play and would not let us in until they are ready. Today that would get you in big trouble, but then we just got on our bikes and had a good old time outdoors. Kids today do not get to experience childhood in the same way that I did and in some very profound ways that is sad.