My Approach to Helping
There was a 2-3 year time period (almost 15 years ago) where I seriously thought my husband was trying to hurt me, or at least didn't love me! We had already been married, raised 4 children and even been in ministry for over 3 decades! Yet we didn't understand ourselves or each other well. My husband was going through some horrendous things as a pastor, and even though I wanted to support him, I wasn't helping! I didn't understand why my reaction was so strong to him and he didn't understand why his reaction was so strong to me! Not a good situation for either of us. Truth be told, we both saw each other's reactivity a lot more clearly than we saw our own!
It scared me when my husband got so angry at his situation. I'd seen rage growing up and I was trying to convince him it wasn't all THAT bad! I didn't mean to, but I was invalidating his deep feelings of betrayal and anger. This was not a time to "Pump Sunshine!" He saw me turn from supportive wife to "aligning with his enemies". I didn't mean to, but that's what it felt like I did!
I saw him as intentionally shooting holes in the bottom of our sinking boat, and I was already bailing water as fast as I could. I was trying to keep myself safe.
Thank God I finally realized (it felt like I was giving up!) that I was NOT HELPING! I chose to be less "positive" and gave myself permission to just reflect back to him how terrible his situation was. I initially thought this would make things even worse!!!, but found that the more negative MY reflection was, the less negative HIS was. (It was a very tough situation!) This was what we needed!
We were polarized. Like on a teeter totter, the more I tried to be positive the more negative he got. When I could move closer to the middle, he could also be less extreme and we could both still feel heard. We were both less reactive!
What I know now is that my childhood need to feel safe, was being answered NO by his rage and I didn't know what to do with my fear! His highest emotional need, left over from his childhood, was triggered when I overlooked and minimized his dire situation. We were both unknowingly answering each other's highest emotional need with a HECK NO!
We react to others who regularly push our buttons and forget to find out WHY those buttons are even there! I want to help you understand why you react and help put you back in the driver's seat of your life.
Let's clarify your highest emotional need and help you take back your life! Let's identify the scramble you fall into to get your needs met, as well as your super-power, the relational gift you offer to the world. Our biggest PAIN can lead us to our life-giving PASSION!
I naturally develop potential in others and get jazzed over incremental steps toward hope and healing. I can help you get unstuck!
The world NEEDS who you were meant to be.
More Info About My Practice
Click here:
https:loripearringlmft.outgrow.usprimalgift
to take a free quiz and request a free 25 minute discovery call to find out what your highest emotional need is!
When we understand what is driving us we're more in control, become less reactive and get more traction in life.
This is GOLD!
Specific Issue(s) I'm Skilled at Helping With
COUPLES love working with me to strengthen and rebuild trust and rediscover sweet connection.
PARENTS love working with me to regain control of their homes, invite their teens to independence, and launch them well. We balance support and challenge to build confidence and liberation!
INDIVIDUALS work with me to be more in control of their lives and free up energy!
I love helping people find emotional freedom and live out their relational super power!
When we know ourselves, we can lead ourselves, and others better!
My Role as a Therapist
When you have a clearer identify of who you are, you see yourself more clearly.
With my Marriage and Family Therapy license in California, I tune into your desired outcome to collaborate with you! My job is to listen well, ask good questions and guide you to unlock whatever is keeping you stuck. My clients like the energy they free up with my practical style.
You are an expert on YOU! Let's maximize your full potential.
My Therapy Focus
Click here to take this free 7 Primal Question quiz to better understand your highest emotional needs! This tool alone continues to amaze me and my clients! Let's unlock some roadblocks keeping you stuck!
https:loripearringlmft.outgrow.usprimalgift
Important Factors for Choosing a Therapist
I keep hearing, "I can relate to you!"
I'm grateful that I still have my integrity intact. I'm not perfect, or even close! but I still have many options available to me!
My health is good, my marriage is solid (most of the time), my kids and their spouses like me, my grandkids still amaze me. And my decades long friendships bring many smiles. Yes! I still have options to inspire, serve, learn and grow!
I rate life experiences less and less on how much money I'm earning, and more on the energy I gain, or that leaks out of me!
I am called to make a difference, and what a sweet ride that is. I am grateful!
I'd love to walk a bit with you, hear some of your stories, learn from you, and encourage you on your journey!
How My Own Struggles Made Me a Better Therapist
My two highest emotional needs are to feel wanted and to feel like I'm good enough. As I child, and through trauma, these were imprinted on my life, even as my parents did their best! I wish it wasn't so, but honestly I can still get triggered in these two areas if I'm not in a healthy place. For me, this can look like me trying to please others (being codependent) so they'll like me. Or I can become very self-conscious and hyper-vigilant, trying to impress others.
It's so freeing to know I'm valued and good enough! These two areas have actually become my relational super powers! I naturally honor and value others!
As I remember God's truth about my life, I can focus on caring for you! That's a win-win!
I'd love to invite you into this place of freedom!
