Adrian Scharfetter, PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Certified Sex Therapist

What's My Approach to Therapy?

My Practice & Services

You've read the books. You've tried the tools. But when it comes to sex, intimacy, and connection, you know there's something more.
More honesty. More aliveness. More of yourself showing up.

Less performing. Less second-guessing. Less pretending everything's fine.
I work with individuals and couples who are ready to stop going through the motions and start telling the truth—about what they want, how they love, and what actually lights them up.

You might be:
A couple who's polite, functional, and quietly disconnected
Someone who's sexually curious but carrying shame or confusion
In a relationship that works on paper but feels flat in the bedroom
Exploring desires or identities you've kept hidden
Craving erotic aliveness but not sure how to get there

Here's how we work:
This isn't prescriptive therapy where I hand you a worksheet and send you home. We go deeper—to where sex, psychology, identity, and authenticity intersect. We unravel the old stories. We de-shame your desires. We make space for what's been buried or misunderstood.

Whether you're turned on, turned off, or somewhere in between, if you're ready to grow, I'm here.
Let's make intimacy feel real again.

Specific Issue(s) I'm Skilled at Helping With

I specialize in helping with:

Sexual Health & Functioning:
Low sexual desire, mismatched libido, erectile dysfunction, premature or delayed ejaculation, orgasm difficulties, sexual performance anxiety, painful sex, loss of sexual confidence, sexual boredom or dissatisfaction

Intimacy & Relationship Concerns:
Communication breakdowns around sex and intimacy, emotional disconnection, infidelity and affair recovery, trust repair, difficulty expressing sexual needs, fear of intimacy, feeling like roommates, relationship transitions

Identity & Exploration:
LGBTQIA+ identity affirmation, gender identity exploration, coming out support, sexual orientation questions, internalized homophobia or transphobia, navigating family or community rejection

Alternative Relationship Structures:
Ethical non-monogamy, polyamory, open relationships, relationship agreements and boundaries, managing multiple partnerships, jealousy in non-monogamous relationships, mono-poly dynamics

Kink, BDSM & Sexual Diversity:
Kink identity exploration, BDSM dynamics and practice, power exchange relationships, navigating kink within relationships, coming out as kinky, consent and negotiation, shame around unconventional desires

Trauma & Healing:
Sexual trauma and abuse recovery, complex PTSD, shame and guilt around sexuality, body image issues affecting sexual expression, fear or anxiety around sexual activity, reclaiming sexuality after trauma

Life Transitions Affecting Sexuality:
New parenthood and sexual reconnection, menopause and sexual changes, aging and sexuality, chronic illness or disability, body changes and sexual confidence, career stress affecting intimacy

How Psychotherapy Can Help

Sex therapy is specialized psychotherapy focused on sexual health, intimacy, and relational concerns. As an AASECT-Certified Sex Therapist, I have advanced training in areas where most therapists lack expertise, desire, pleasure, sexual function, trauma, and identity.
Sex therapy helps by:

Getting to the root of the issue . Sexual concerns are rarely just physical. We explore the emotional, relational, and psychological factors affecting your sexuality.

Creating space for honest conversations . Many people have never had permission to talk openly about sex. This is a judgment-free space where nothing is off-limits.

Reducing shame and anxiety. Whether from past trauma, religious upbringing, or societal messages, shame keeps people stuck. We work to unpack it and build healthier relationships with sexuality.

Teaching practical skills. You'll learn evidence-based techniques to manage anxiety, enhance pleasure, communicate needs, and navigate desire differences.

Healing trauma . Trauma-informed sex therapy helps you reclaim your sexuality, rebuild trust in your body, and reconnect with intimacy on your terms.

Supporting exploration. Whether you're exploring identity, kink, non-monogamy, or simply what turns you on, sex therapy provides a safe space for discovery.

Strengthening relationships. For couples, we address both sexual concerns and the relational patterns affecting intimacy and connection.You don't need to be in crisis to benefit. You just need to want more depth, honesty, and aliveness in your sexual and relational life.

My Role as a Therapist

I don't see myself as the expert on your sexuality, you are. My role is to create the conditions for you to access your own wisdom, understand your own story, and make choices that align with your authentic self.

I'm here as:
A guide - helping you navigate the emotional, psychological, and relational terrain of sexuality with expertise and care
A translator - making sense of complex feelings, physical responses, relationship patterns, and psychological dynamics
A witness - holding space for parts of you that have been silenced, shamed, or misunderstood
A collaborator - working with you (not on you) to create the sexual and relational life you want
An educator - providing accurate information about sexual health, desire, pleasure, and function
A challenger - gently questioning patterns, beliefs, or dynamics that no longer serve you.

I don't pathologize. I don't prescribe normalcy. I don't judge your desires, your relationship structure, or your sexual identity. My role is to help you move from shame to understanding, from confusion to clarity, from disconnection to aliveness.

My Therapy Focus

I?m an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist who works with individuals and couples seeking greater clarity, connection, and healing in their intimate lives. Many of my clients are self-aware, successful, and insightful in many areas?but when it comes to sex, desire, or relational dynamics, they feel stuck, misaligned, or unsure how to move forward. I specialize in concerns such as low or mismatched desire, infidelity, performance anxiety, orgasm and arousal difficulties, sexual trauma, and anxiety or shame around sexuality. I also support LGBTQIA+ clients navigating identity, orientation, and sexual expression with curiosity and care.

In addition, I work with clients exploring alternative relationships?including ethical non-monogamy, polyamory, kink, co-parenting, and chosen family systems. I provide a safe, affirming, and nonjudgmental space to explore what intimacy, connection, and fulfillment look like for you.

My approach is warm, relational, and trauma-informed. I work collaboratively to help clients explore their patterns, deepen self-understanding, and foster more authentic and satisfying relationships?both with themselves and others. Whether you're healing from rupture, navigating identity, or longing to reconnect with your sexuality, I'm here to support your process with compassion, respect, and intention.

My Guiding Ethical Principles

I became a sex therapist because I believe that shame around sexuality causes profound suffering, and that suffering is largely unnecessary.

My ethical foundation is simple: people deserve to explore their sexuality without fear, shame, or judgment.
This means:

I don't pathologize desires, identities, or consensual relationship structures
I actively work to dismantle the shame and misinformation that keep people stuck
I prioritize your autonomy and self-determination above all else
I believe sexual health is a human right, especially for marginalized communities
I trust that you know yourself better than any clinical manual ever could

Every choice I make in our work together is guided by these commitments. Because sexuality isn't a problem to solve, it's a fundamental part of being human, and you deserve support in expressing it authentically.

On the Fence About Going to Therapy?

You don't have to be broken to want to grow. Most people think therapy is for crisis. But the best time to start therapy is actually before things fall apart?when you're curious, when you want more, when you sense there's something deeper to explore.
If you're on the fence, it probably means:

You're curious about what's possible
You sense something could shift
You want more aliveness, honesty, or connection
You're tired of surface-level conversations

That's not a problem, that's readiness.
Therapy isn't about fixing what's broken. It's about exploring what's possible.
If that sounds like you, let's talk.

What I Say to People Concerned about the Therapy Process

"What actually happens in a sex therapy session?"
We talk. That's it, just conversation in a safe, confidential space. There's no physical contact, no demonstrations, no awkward exercises during our sessions.In our first session, I'll ask about what brought you here, your relationship history, your sexual concerns, and what you're hoping to achieve. From there, we explore what's happening beneath the surface, emotionally, relationally, psychologically.Sometimes I'll suggest practices or exercises you can try on your own or with your partner between sessions. But everything happens at your pace, and you're never required to do anything that doesn't feel right.

"Will it be awkward talking about sex?"
It might feel vulnerable at first, and that's completely normal. Most people have never had permission to talk openly about sex, desire, fantasies, concerns, or what they actually want.
But here's what usually happens: within the first 10-15 minutes, people realize it's actually a relief to finally be honest. The "awkwardness" is usually anticipation, not the actual conversation.
I'm trained to talk about sexuality explicitly and comfortably. Nothing you say will shock me, embarrass me, or make me judge you. This is what I do, and I'm good at making these conversations feel natural.

"Will you tell me I'm doing sexrelationships 'wrong'?"
Never.
I don't believe in prescribing "normal" sexuality or relationship structures. My role is to help you discover what feels authentic, satisfying, and alive for you, not to impose some external standard.
As long as what you're doing is consensual, honest, and aligned with your values, there's no "wrong" way to be sexual or in relationship.