Psychotherapy is swiftly changing, as are the people we serve. One new element is what we are learning in areas of trauma resolution, particularly methods similar to Somatic Experiencing®, focalizing, eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR), and sensorimotor psychotherapy. A new world of healing is surely upon us—and it is a breath of fresh air.

There’s a shift from the archeological digs of psychoanalysis and cognitive techniques where, in my experience, depression and anxiety often linger and remain unresolved. Although these techniques have been and continue to be helpful, they may not be as effective as newer methods of going within the body. These newer approaches transcend talk therapy, inducing new felt-body experiences that help resolve habitual stress and anxiety.

These graceful naturopathic processes can help us become aware of the separation of the mind (as a tool of execution) and the body and heart as an access to aliveness and well-being. Our minds are a creative tool of execution, yet they are also a reservoir of past conditioned thinking (often wrong, harsh, punishing, and outdated). They tend to regurgitate and ruminate old news from in our heads, “head noises,” if you will, that can make us believe they are who we are. We’ve been conditioned to listen to these noises as they build (or collapse) the worlds we live in today, but still, I find this ludicrous. These regurgitated thinking patterns can often lead us to feel like we are imprisoned and can be major contributing factors in the development of depression and anxiety. [fat_widget_right]

Considering New Possibilities

New possibilities, especially those inspired by the life force that comes from the innate intelligence in our heart, bodies and nature may be helpful at diminishing or silencing these head noises. I lovingly refer to this as a Greek chorus (voices of judgment, voices of cynicism, and voices of fear). Until we learn to befriend them as natural parts of our being and understand how they have been programmed by earlier life events, they may hinder our growth, development, and even typical function. If the chorus never stops, indeed if it runs our lives, it will continue to block assess to our innate wisdom. Our minds know nothing of the future and lack the comprehension of love, multidimensionality, or the nuances of our present realities–this is the domain of the heart and soul.

The body has innate intelligence and grounding in nature, and once we become skilled at accessing our inner wisdom, we may be able to awaken an impressively wiser aptitude, which can allow our hearts and nature to provide an organic inner compass for our next best step(s) forward. As we experience this felt sense of grounding and ability for self-regulation, we may be able to become better custodians of our minds and more equipped to manage the head-noise of conditioned thinking that often produces so much stress and anxiety.

As I’ve heard in yoga practice, you are not your mind. You are not the Greek chorus.

The body has innate intelligence and grounding in nature, and once we become skilled at accessing our inner wisdom, we may be able to awaken an impressively wiser aptitude, which can allow our hearts and nature to provide an organic inner compass for our next best step(s) forward.

Many find these techniques easy to learn, even if it is less easy to adequately put them into the mind’s language of words. Exposure to these techniques may help free us from the entanglements that are wrapped around our potential to receive and experience more from life, such as contentment and joyful moments. This new learning simply teaches us the experience, practice and provides a takeaway proficiency of how befriending our head-noise can manage and reduce stress and anxiety. These somatic, whole-body approaches are often studied through workshops or one-on-one experiences with a trained facilitator.

Here’s a short exercise that can help you start the process of befriending head noise and becoming what I call a “curious observer.” Since it involves closing your eyes, you may wish to read through each of the steps before beginning.

• Set a timer for three minutes. Sit in a comfortable position, feet on the floor.
• Close your eyes or find a comfortable place to rest your gaze, a few feet in front of you on the floor.
• Bring the focus of your attention down into your body. Sometimes I envision the focus of my attention as a magnifying glass or a spotlight. Bring this spotlight down to the soles of your feet. Sit with your attention on your feet. Notice as many sensations as you can and note them.
  • What does the floor feel like? The fabric of your socks? The temperature? And so on.
• Once you’ve sat with those felt sensations for a minute, bring your attention up to your breathing. Notice the rise and fall of your chest. See how long you can pay attention to the physical feeling of your breathing without trying to control it. No matter how you breathe, let it be the perfect breath at that moment. The key here is non-judgment.
• Throughout this exercise, notice if voices of judgment, voices of fear, or voices of cynicism come in. For example, you may notice a thought asking “Am I doing this right?”
  • When you notice these voices, gently thank them for their presence and then visualize them going to a different corner of the room you’re in. Or, if you prefer, send them to an island where they can stay while you continue focusing on the felt sensations of your breath.
  • Each time the voices come back, gently visualize the voice going back to a corner or an island. It’s best that we avoid becoming antagonistic with the thoughts. Just thank them and then visualize them moving on.
• When the three minutes are up, open your eyes. Take a moment to notice your surroundings. Do you notice a sense of clarity with your vision? Did you get an experience of timelessness at any point when you were doing the exercise? Some may notice their thoughts seem quieter than before.

This is the beginning of what focalizing techniques can bring to people seeking help. Focalizing can serve as a starting point that snowballs into meaningful and lasting healing after only a few sessions. As we become a curious observer to our head noise, we connect with a part of ourselves that is beyond conditioned thinking. With this new connection, we may no longer rely on replicating the solutions of the past. Instead, we are likely to find ourselves newly equipped to innovate and find graceful solutions that better address the present circumstances.

As children we have boundless curiosity, energy, and a feeling of connectedness with all that is. Our natural instinct is often to let ourselves be molded by the land and the sky, for we are animals imbued with spirit first and humans with thinking minds second. Spared the influence of our civilization’s dualistic thinking, we likely would have maintained the connection between body, mind, and spirit, as well as our heart-connection with the universe. How can we rediscover this kind of connectivity in this time of high-speed, high-tech upheaval? It’s a journey that each person must take for themselves.

Ever felt energized by an inspiring movie, transformed by a great symphony, or held spellbound by a life-affirming book? Did you walk away with a deep sense of satisfaction, only to say to a friend, “That made everything in life seem to make sense. It’s too bad life isn’t really like that!” But perhaps it’s possible life can be more like that, simply with a greater sense of clarity. If life seems a puzzle, you may simply be missing some of the pieces!

Perhaps you have glimpsed the potential for connectivity that surrounds us all the time. The quest for this holism can take a lifetime, but it is worth the trip. And if you are seeking recovery—whether from trauma, incest, other sexual abuse, cultural oppression, addiction, or something else—you are in fact seeking to rediscover the holistic state. They are one and the same.

My work is based on these principles: we have all suffered emotional or physical trauma to our natural emergent energies at some stage in development; we all have moments of dissociation and separation from ourselves; and we are all consciously or unconsciously seeking a more holistic connection with the universe. I truly believe we can help each other succeed, just by speaking our truth as we discover it. This journey toward complete recovery offers the opportunity to connect with not only other sentient beings, but with the planet as a whole. Thus, those on this path may find themselves in a position to trigger global transformation. [fat_widget_right]

Connecting with Source Energy

In recent years I have gone beyond fostering greater connectivity with the human race and the earth as a whole, as wonderful and as healing as that is. I have found a kind of broadband connectivity of the spirit, which can address any issue, to link up to what I have gradually come to know as “The Source.”

I use “The Source” to refer to a place where all healing and creative ideas and energies ultimately come from. It is not a physical place but a place in consciousness, one where we can tap into the essence of the life force itself. This life force, also called source energy, flows through and connects all things. Everything that exists is a manifestation of this life energy. By becoming more attuned to this gold mine of consciousness and working with it, we can make our lives miraculous beyond anything we can imagine.

There are many valuable pathways for discovering and working with source energy: meditation, trauma resolution, and creative pursuits are a few of these. I do what is called focalizing. Both a healing modality and a creative process, focalizing can foster the continuous flow of energy through us and help this energy express itself with clarity.

We can call this source energy a spirit, God, a higher power, or the universe, but it is definitely an enlivening current we can feel in our bones. Some may experience it as a vibration, some as stillness, others as a presence. Still others may simply feel totally awake and connected. However you describe it, the source energy is the universal force found in all living beings. Filled with universal intelligence, it explains how plants know how to align themselves towards the sun. By the same token, it is there inside us and can help us make our decisions, especially when we listen to what our bodies are telling us.

Three things may block us from experiencing the source energy:

1. Distracting thoughts (often based on past conditioning)
2. Unresolved trauma
3. Sexual barriers and frustrations

Conditioned thinking makes it difficult for us to shift to new ways of perceiving and healing our lives, which can limit us to past experiences and exposures. It regurgitates old data and story lines based on our personal history or what we have been told. Both a healing modality and a creative process, focalizing can foster the continuous flow of energy through us and help this energy express itself with clarity. The conditioned mind does not tolerate intricacy well and may experience difficulty with love, joy, and other textured nuances of life. Without a new set of tools and a fresh way of seeing, the mind can paralyze us and block our best path forward. On the other hand, the heart’s intelligence thrives on intricacy and nuance, on connectivity to deep ancestral roots. It speaks to us through felt sensations of our bodies and sensory perceptions that can guide the next steps in our personal evolution. Focalizing may be so effective because in the process the mind is respectfully set aside while the heart guides us through a natural and fulfilling process of connectivity.

As we host source energy we may become conscious of the role the body plays in shaping the mind and our moment-to-moment experience. It can allow a subtle shift from feeling with the senses to feeling with awareness. When we direct our minds to be aware, we may be able to feel subtle options: a wider range of choices than what we can access via mere thinking alone.

Hosting this energy can be as simple as taking a deep breath. We can also practice what’s called a “body drop.” In a body drop, awareness focuses on deeply relaxing the body while staying connected to it. We might think of this as “striving only to be.” When we give ourselves a quiet pause, we can gain flexibility, in the shift between the outwardly focused mind and the subtler inner mind that uses felt awareness. When this skill is developed, we may be better able to use both levels of awareness fluidly and develop a fresh sense of inner knowing.

This practice can unify the imaginary separation of body, mind, and nature and enliven source energy to offer guidance. In this embodied state our experience of time collapses, allowing us to connect with imagery and perceptions that are often deeply informative. This focalizing is a way of rediscovering the lost connectivity we can glimpse in the eyes of wild animals and children all over the world.

Contentment and happiness do not come from waving a magic wand or snapping our fingers. They are choices that include a deep level of acceptance for things being exactly as they are and respect for present realities, as reality is always changing. Don’t disconnect with reality. Accept things as they are and then allow source energy to transform them.

It is important to keep sustaining, hosting, and relying on the established connection to source energy in order to keep this loving relationship with spirit vibrant and alive. We can often do this with gratitude. If we ever reach the point where we feel we are lacking gratitude for being alive, we simply need to un-separate ourselves from the source energy. I believe we can’t help but feel happy, playful, and grateful when connected with the wellspring of spiritual creativity. Releasing our preconditioned concepts of who we are can help us become one with the source energy. Through this, we can become the change we wish to see in the world, and more.

After 5 years of sobriety, in 1985, I began to notice a pattern in my sexual relationships: Even if I really liked someone, I couldn’t go more than 3 months before my attraction to them fizzled. I would then find some reason to end the relationship, although I never really understood why, and it made me feel bad. Thankfully, while I was leading a weekend retreat on Spirituality in Recovery, one participant pressed for bringing the subject of sex into the process.

Although I was unprepared, it gave me the opportunity to address the issue, and I shared my struggles with the group. When I asked if anyone else identified with the issue, all hands went up. I immediately felt a sense of relief, having previously thought I was uniquely flawed. And then I felt angry that no one had told me about this before, which launched my enthusiasm to shift the primary focus of my work. I began to create healing techniques for underlying trauma and sexual challenges.

The sexual-spiritual split, a deep psychic schism within almost everyone, prohibits loving relationships from forming and enduring. The chasm between sex and love, caused by generational, cultural, religious, and early programming, planted seeds in our unconscious that makes merging with another virtually impossible without the specific healing that new perspectives and experiences can offer.

In the previous article (Part One), I describe the subtle powers of Source Energy, our innate intelligence, to direct us forward. I have chosen sexual healing as the next pathway for expanding our access to Source Energy, although there is no particular linear course. Sexual energy, primal and fundamental to our nature, fully awakens our sensorial nature that always knows our best next step in life. A shift in perspective in our relationship toward the life force in sex can expand our Source Energy.

Like most of us who grew up in the Western world, I internalized sex and all references to it as shunned experiences to keep secret. Many of us received discordant messages in our formative years: love, family, and good deeds provide a happy, acceptable life. Conversely, anything having to do with sex, or even our bodies, was cloaked in a wall of shame and secrecy. While experiences vary, our collective consciousness suffers from this split, locking us out of our own rich, informative, multidimensional sensuality.

There are five key elements to dissolving the sexual/spiritual split:

Shifting Concepts: S.E.X.

Our erotic energy pathways have suffered trauma and distortion. To heal those wounds by utilizing expansive Source Energy, we must gently put our old concepts about sex aside. Most of us never developed a healthy, conscious context for having erotic pleasure. We clumsily fall into sex, gradually shaping ideas about it from what we have observed, and from our own, perhaps awkward, experiences.

When barriers dissolve, we are more likely to have more of what could be called “sacred” or “transcendent sex” and an openness to meaning and purpose for all types of lovemaking, including with ourselves. In paying attention to old sexual identities, we can rediscover, or in some cases reinvent, a new meaning of sex. Our willingness to detach from outdated conditioned thinking is the foundation for transforming sexuality to the sacred.

To help us step out of the cultural box, my partner and I created the abbreviation, S.E.X., for Soul Energy eXchange. It suggests we can choose to enlighten our sexual experiences by focusing on energy that comes from our souls, not just our bodies, and thereby designing a new outlook on pleasure. For those who are willing, it does take a bit of work. It’s rare that I’ve met anyone with an ongoing rich and fulfilling sexual life who did not have to go back in their history to create new contexts for their erotic experiences. But the payoff is huge.

S.E.X. Primary Energies

There are four primary forces in Erotic Ritual’s Soul Energy eXchange (S.E.X.): love, pleasure, lingam, and yoni, which are Hindu Sanskrit terms for penis and vagina. Though lingam energy is typically male identified as drive, pursuance, initiation, and aggression, it’s an energy shared in both genders. Yoni energy, feminine, receptive, creative, and artistic, is also found in both sexes. Love is an energy transmitted from the heart. It can be felt through hands of a lover or from a father or mother to a child. It is gender-neutral. Love means losing ourselves in the beloved. Pleasure takes many forms, but erotic pleasure can be defined as stimulation of the pleasure centers of the brain through visual and tactile stimulation. While some have a low threshold for erotic pleasure, others may find everything erotically pleasurable.

The kind of love we are exploring is the love that moves us to listen and intuit what our lover wants, to care about the other person’s needs. It is best to have the constant energy of love as the foundation for everything in life. The energy of love can be triggered by the energy of pleasure, but it is at its greatest when love is present first.

We have all experienced limiting conditioning in the expression of our lingam and/or yoni energies. Most of us experienced some sort of trauma that blocks our love and pleasure energies as well. Unlocking trauma and toxicity of shame and melting frozen erotic energies are pathways to the sacred. Judgment- free experimentation, using all four of these soulful forces, leads us on a path to the divine, to earth energy, and to a greater connection with the universe.

Perhaps more than in other rituals, through Erotic Ritual we learn that we are all expressions of a much larger source of communal energy. It melts barriers and we feel less isolated. Notice when you are having an erotic experience there is always giving and receiving of energy. Sometimes it’s reciprocated or sometimes one is consistently giving or receiving, and either is fine. Allow yourself to be really present in any prolonged erotic exchange and you will find yourself in a circle of energy. (The yoni expression fully experiences the lingam expression, and vice versa.)

Sexual Concerns

The very private issues that people have shared with me about sex have ranged from not feeling that they are desirable, to experiencing a sexual apathy, erectile and/or orgasmic dysfunction, or feeling detached from a loving partner. Sometimes it’s an obsession with body parts that they just don’t like or think something is wrong with.

Many people carry much the same type of burden, sometimes silently. The principles of Source Energy can have a very beneficial impact in renegotiating and resolving these hardships. With the right resources, including therapy in some cases, the barriers to erotic fulfillment will dissolve, creating possibilities for a blissful engagement with one’s self and with another.

When the sex in a monogamous relationship is unsatisfying, a substantial foundation is at risk. If the condition lingers, with sex becoming almost nonexistent, then the relationship is compromised. Often couples aren’t equipped with the tools to communicate sensitive issues. Their avoidance, sometimes lasting years, continues the downward spiral. Addressing these problems with the assistance of Source Energy can enhance those very skills.

Happily, mine is a loving, growing, and sexually fulfilling relationship, lasting many years. All of our efforts have paid off. Creating sacred time and using it for shame-free sex while opening our hearts, along with taking responsibility and respecting ourselves, have all been key. Sexual loving intensifies consciousness and pure love. In that vast, nurturing ocean there is no ego, nothing to defend, only a sense of just being and connection.

Communication in these sensitive areas can at first feel like hard work. With practice, it eventually becomes quite natural. When my partner and I explored having a committed relationship those many years ago, my primary request was that our sexual relations be the first priority in our union. Even in a number of long-term relationships I’d been in there was the sex-spirit split, along with undeveloped communication skills, causing sex and sensuality to wither. They were left with a sense of deadness in a potentially thriving relationship.

Instead, having made the commitment, we began a life of focalized conscious S.E.X. Expansiveness and sexual gratification became a planned, sacrosanct part of our time together. While it might seem to defy spontaneity, let me suggest that there is a significant payoff. Respecting existing realities—being tired, stressed, too busy, or distracted—doesn’t mean spontaneity is stifled. Rather, without earnest communication of our needs and desires, or without planning, we cannot build rich, enduring erotic lives.

Sexuality, Higher Consciousness, and Fantasy

Although it could feel clumsy, it is crucial to learn to express what we need and desire, as well as what we fantasize about. I like to call it reclaiming adolescent awkwardness, to allow people to go where it might be difficult, in order to heal the sexual-spiritual split, a requirement in forming intimate relationships that are authentic.

In sexual counseling, many are curious about where their fantasies come from, often feeling shame for having them. I tell my clients good fantasies are like rainbows, mysterious and beautiful, sometimes fleeting, and they are to be respected. Their origins may vary from abuses early in life to Freudian, or they may relate to recollections of pleasure from our past. Sometimes they mysteriously come from no conscious recollection whatsoever. Focalizing Source Energy filters the shame out of our fantasies and allow us to fall more deeply in love with ourselves. Self-love is essential to grow in sacred sexuality. Having fantasies doesn’t mean we’re bad or that something is wrong with us, as we don’t have to act on them. Only shame is Godless. Removing the shame from our fantasies transforms them, and that contributes to keeping a long-term relationship sexually alive.

Natural Resistance to S.E.X.

With all our knowledge we still encounter resistance to a loving fusion of our sexual and spiritual energies. The delicate nature of exploring repressed sexual history is likely to trigger that very resistance. When we appreciate the essence of our resistance to removing shame, our fantasies can be an entryway to joyous energetic harmony, where we can experience full-body orgasm along with deeply felt spirituality. Full-body orgasm refers to a burst of the four energies in S.E.X. that can take over every dimension of our physical and subtle energy being. When this happens, we can experience expansiveness and sometimes formlessness that is sublime. It is a full-body encounter that is uniquely restorative when we feel depleted and deeply relaxing when we are tense.

If we can consent to the reality that energy and its many vibrations and frequencies make up our physical reality, we can learn new skills to heal, with an efficient pathway to our inner wisdom. When we energetically experience resolution in our bodies from sexual barriers, we land in the divine center of Source Energy. As we tap into it, the more it begins to lovingly lead our lives.

Related articles:
Part I: Source Energy Optimizes Life – Finding Source Energy
What Do Your Sexual Fantasies Mean?
Fanning the Spark of Sexual Passion