I Was Sexually Abused by My Stepfather. Do I Have PTSD?

March 18, 2016

I was sexually abused by my stepfather when I was 7 or 8 years old. I was afraid and never said anything, and he was never punished for it. (My mom left him two years after the abuse ended, and I never told her about it before she died in 2012.) I am approaching 30 now. Although I don't actively think about the abuse, I sometimes wonder if its effects are part of the unconscious fabric of my daily experience. I have a hard time trusting people, especially romantic partners. I get angry for seemingly no reason. I feel depressed at times. I don't want kids, despite liking kids. I have nightmares (but then again, so does everybody). There are other things, but they are too personal to feel comfortable sharing here. I brought this all up to a doctor once, and he told me it might be worth talking to a psychotherapist about the possibility of PTSD. So, basically, my question is this: Does what I describe fit with a PTSD diagnosis? What warning signs should I be alert to? And if I have PTSD, is there anything I can do about it? Thank you for your time. —Haunted

I imagine it took a lot of courage to share this deeply painful experience with a doctor and to write in and share it here, too. It seems like you are ready to begin to address the past trauma and take a look at how it might be impacting your life in the present.

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While I cannot make a diagnosis with the information you provided here, it does sound possible that you are dealing with posttraumatic stress (PTSD) related to the sexual abuse you experienced as a child. Whether or not you actually meet the diagnostic criteria for PTSD, there is probably a connection between your past abuse and the problems you are dealing with today. These problems—difficulty trusting, unexplained anger, periods of depression, conflicted feelings about children, and nightmares—are warning signs that an underlying issue needs to be addressed.

Whether or not you actually meet the diagnostic criteria for PTSD, there is probably a connection between your past abuse and the problems you are dealing with today.

We are very adaptive beings. We figure out what we need to do to survive a situation. As a child, you probably developed coping mechanisms that allowed you to get through the trauma of sexual abuse and survive. Unfortunately, the coping mechanisms that facilitate survival in a traumatic environment can create problems when they are applied in a healthier environment. For example, you say you have difficulty trusting people; as a child who was sexually abused by your stepfather, learning not to trust people was an adaptive way to prevent abuse at the hand of others. Using mistrust as a way to prevent further abuse probably also allowed you to feel a sense of control over your life. As an adult, however, this mistrust may prevent you making yourself vulnerable to others, which is a key ingredient to happy, healthy relationships.

The good news: there absolutely is hope for healing from this. I have worked, successfully, with many people over the years who have similar stories. We have worked together to help them heal from the pain of the past traumas and to gain insight into how the traumas impact their lives in the present. This insight creates the opportunity to find new ways of being in the present—ways that don’t create obstacles for living full, healthy lives.

I encourage you to find a therapist near you who can partner with you on this journey. You deserve to live a full and healthy life, too!

Best wishes,

Sarah

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