Julie Levin, MA, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

So many of us are raised to think that we have to earn a sense of belonging or win love, approval or admiration to fit in. It's baked into our social structures. We are saturated with advertising that tells us we have to be attractive, successful, smart, thin, young... so that we will buy stuff to compensate for being plain old human beings. And if you went to middle school, well, you were very likely exposed to some harsh judgement. If you have parents who were immature or insecure, maybe they added an extra layer of self-doubt, not out of meanness, but likely wanting you to avoid the sense of shame or embarrassment they carried. I know what this is like. I spent the first 30 years of my life feeling not-good-enough. I was so lucky to find a therapist who understood this and knew how to help me feel truly secure within myself. As I went through graduate school, studying psychology, I realized that she taught the same practices secure, mature parents use to raise secure kids. And I've been teaching my own clients the same practices ever since.

What To Expect In Our Work: I meet with clients by phone or video every other week. In sessions, we talk about any areas where you are struggling, for example: - Setting effective boundaries - Overcoming shame. anxiety, or fear of failure - Putting your needs on par with others - Learning to respond when others are difficult or hurtful - Dealing with self-criticism These problems tell us where you weren't given the guidance you needed to navigate adult relationships successfully. They also show us where you've learned to shut yourself down or engage in people pleasing to win love, approval, or belonging. From there, we explore ways to manage relationships through healthy communication. At the same time, we work on developing a warm, loving relationship with an inner adultparent figure who, over time, replaces your inner critic. Where the critic tries to turn you into what others need, the inner adult focuses on providing warmth, nurturing, and care that doesn't have to be earned. When you experience the feeling of being loved and accepted without having to prove yourself worthy, something profound shifts. It takes time and practice to get there, but once you do, you will come to know that you've always been good enough.