My Approach to Helping
Maybe over time life seem to have taught you that you don’t matter, that’s not ok for you to take space, to express yourself authentically, like you are worth less than others. Maybe you have heard an inner voice that says “I cannot do this, this is not for me, I don’t belong here, I am not worthy of this”. Maybe you just don’t seem to know how to relate to your feelings or simply feel so much that it feels overwhelming. Maybe you grew tired of feeling alone and sad, keeping distance from others to feel safer. Maybe you are tired of worrying about what others may say or think and that worrying freezes you from doing or saying what you’d like to. Maybe there’s something you always wanted to do, like a dream, but you don’t believe possible. There are ways that our bodies hold beliefs about ourselves and painful memories from earlier on in life that continue to impact us today and can hold us back in life. We learn ways of being in the world according to what was welcomed or not in our earliest environments growing up.
I am here with you. I have three years of specialisation above a master degree working with body and mind together to discover those strategies that were learned earlier in life andor during painful experiences to keep us safe. At times, we all feel overwhelmed, anxious, scared andor depressed. You do not need to go through all this alone, allow me to be in this journey with you, together we can navigate these choppy waters and find a safe new harbour.
Together we can explore them in a safe and welcoming environment to find what needs they have, experiment mindfully how we can move through them. Together we can find resources your body needs to expand what feels tolerable, moving past anxieties and fears. Together we can discover new ways of being in the world. Together we can explore how much more freedom is possible in your life, how to create space to try things out, and how to have a more fulfilling experience of life.
Important Factors for Choosing a Therapist
I have gone to therapy myself, so I also had to think how to choose a therapist, allow me to share what I have learnt from that experience now that I am a therapist myself. There is no formula on what makes a good fit for you. I would argue any formulaic approach has left the most important factor out: you. Each and everyone of us is different and that is why it is good to have such a wide choice of therapists available. Having said that, I think there are some guiding principles that are probably equally shared by everyone who faces this choice.
The consultation call is the most important one, in my opinion. I remember how my therapist took time to listen to me and also was able to communicate a sense of reassurance. I remember thinking, I can talk to this person, she will listen to me and also what she says feel helpful, reassuring and thoughtful. When you are on the phone, I would say check in with yourself if you feel heard by the person at the other side of the line. Does that person give you a feeling that you can open up to them? What feelings do evoke in you the image of you and them in the room in therapy? I did not feel alone with her. I did not feel ashamed to say anything though I took my time to open up to her. I did not feel judged instead I felt welcomed and accepted.
Something you should know about the way I practice therapy: I do not just talk with my clients, we do not do talk-therapy only. The type of therapy I practice is based on mindfulness and guided experiments I do with my clients in the moment. It is through these explorations that painful experiences are released from the body and mind, they stop holding you back, shaping the way you relate to yourself, to others, to the world.
I offer a free consultation call to everyone who reaches out seeking therapy so perhaps you can take a chance and check in for yourself what feelings come alive in you when you and I are on the phone talking.
How My Own Struggles Made Me a Better Therapist
I grew up in a family where I felt unseen and unheard so I am quite familiar with that feeling and how that experience 'teaches' us not to express ourselves authentically, I can be on a journey to discover what it is like to have a voice and use it to express what you like, want andor need.
As a survivor of sexual abuse I was taught not to have boundaries, not to say no, to please others in order to feel safe. That left little space for me to actually know what I wanted and I did not, when a line was crossed. Therapy has helped me to overcome all those limitations and find my own boundaries and the courage to express them without fear of rejection or worse. Allow me to work through past developmental trauma with you, safe in the knowledge that you are not alone and that a way out of that is possible.
As a self-identified gay man, I am also quite familiar first-hand with the process of 'coming out' in a predominantly heterosexual normative, patriarchal, society. I am also a first generation immigrant to this country, going myself through the process of settling in this country from scratch. I can be your ally dealing with issues of self-esteem, anxiety, depression, guilt, shame, how they affect relationships, be it romantic, sexual, purely platonic, or work-related, and any compulsive behavior you may experience in response to developmental trauma.
Needless to say but feels important to stress that I am equally at ease and experience working with individuals and couples across the entire gender and sexual identity spectrum.
I hope this act of self-disclosure helps you to get to know me more a little bit and guides you in your choice. That was the purpose of it. I offer a free consultation call so if you have read it this far perhaps you can reach out and check if this could be a good fit for you over the phone.