David Helfand, Licensed Psychologist

By the time couples contact me, one or both partners feel close to giving up. Conversations turn into arguments or silence. Trust may have been damaged by an affair, intimacy may have disappeared, or years of disappointment may leave you unsure the marriage can recover. I begin by making room for both partners' experiences without turning either person into the problem. My work is active and practical. During a private, two- to four-day retreat, I work with one couple at a time. Rather than only talking about your relationship, I coach you as you speak directly to each other. We slow difficult moments down, identify the cycle keeping you stuck, and practice responses that create safety and connection. Our work centers on four areas that tend to shape marital health: communication, emotional regulation, prioritization, and intimacy. My style is direct, compassionate, and non religious. I draw on neuroscience, attachment, discernment counseling, and about a decade of intensive couples work, but I translate those ideas into clear steps you can use at home. I begin with the possibility that your relationship can improve, while remaining honest about situations in which separation may be healthiest. The goal is not simply to stay married. It is to learn what a healthy marriage would require, give yourselves a meaningful opportunity to create it, and reach a decision with clarity and integrity. If you are ready to understand what has happened and try a different way of relating, I invite you to contact me.

My practice is devoted to private intensive couples retreats rather than ongoing weekly appointments. Retreats usually take place over three or four consecutive days and are designed for one couple only, never a group. Most couples travel to my office in St. Johnsbury, Vermont. Virtual retreats may also be available, depending on where each partner is located and applicable licensing requirements. Retreats are private-pay services and are not covered by insurance. They can be especially helpful for couples who need uninterrupted time to address infidelity, chronic conflict, emotional or sexual disconnection, accumulated resentment, or uncertainty about divorce. Based on my recent data, about 88% of Marriage Quest couples chose to remain together after their retreat. You do not need to arrive equally hopeful or certain that the marriage can be saved. Both partners do need to participate honestly and be willing to practice new ways of communicating. A free 20-minute consultation is available to discuss your situation, determine whether an intensive retreat is appropriate, and answer questions about scheduling, travel, and fees.