This is a complex question with no single answer. One way to think about this is to look at the relationship between impact of divorce on adult children and development of ego strength. A 2012 doctoral dissertation collected data from 167 qualifying participants and found a significant relationship between two ego strengths and impact of divorce on adult children (Murphy). Using Erik Erikson’s theory of human development in eight life stages and corresponding ego strengths, data show an inverse relationship between two specific Eriksonian ego strengths: competence and love. What is ego strength and how are competence and love defined as ego strengths?
Erikson (1902-1994), a developmental theorist and ego psychologist, defined the ego as malleable rather than fixed. According to Erikson, in addition to working as a mediator between impulses (id) and moral beliefs (superego), the ego absorbs attitudes and skills as an individual develops. As individuals pass through life stages, conflicts arise. Resolution of conflicts, or crises, is again unique to every crisis and every individual, meaning that two people may experience the same event at the same time in their lives and experience very different resolutions. Unresolved crises at any stage of life potentially reactivate when a new crises emerges. A basic conflict is resolved along a continuum from positive to negative, which in turn influences outcome (Berk, 2010). Erikson’s life-stage model was built on optimism. Optimism because his theory suggests individuals can always go back to earlier crises and rework a better resolution and stronger ego strength.
Within Erikson’s framework, the ego is a mediator that absorbs individual culture, and it is malleable. For each of the eight life stages, there is a corresponding ego that develops. Stage four of psychosocial development is between approximately ages 6 and 11 years old, when a child begins to develop awareness of certain skills and knowledge. At school, a child will begin to develop capacity to cooperate and work with peers and adults. New skills are tried out. A sense of competence begins to emerge if the child feels success. Alternatively, a sense of inferiority may emerge if the child’s efforts are negatively experienced at school, home, or with peers. Again, there is a continuum from positive to negative outcome. Competence is Erikson’s ego strength that evolves at this stage. In the 2012 doctoral dissertation study of the relationship between impact of divorce on adult children and ego strength, there was a significant relationship between competence and impact of divorce. That is to say as scores on competence increased, impact of divorce decreased.
Erikson’s stage six of development is during young adulthood, ranging from about age 19 to 40 years old. This is the stage where young adults begin to establish intimate ties to others. While close relationships may have been present in adolescence, it is at this stage where selflessness develops along with mutuality and commitment. It is at this stage of young adulthood where Erikson’s ego strength love develops. This is when a mutually intimate relationship endures disappointment. Intimacy can be at risk if there are earlier disappointments in relationships. Again, in the 2012 doctoral dissertation study of impact of divorce and ego development, as scores on love increased, impact of divorce decreased. Inversely, as scores on impact of divorce increased, scores on both competence and love decreased.
So what does all of this mean? It is a first step in understanding variances in impact of divorce on adult children. No known previous studies on the relationship between impact and ego development means this is a fertile area for much more research. In the meantime, the 2012 study is a step toward understanding and validating the adult child’s experiences when his or her parents divorce. It opens the door to understanding how impact on adult children is a continuum from no meaningful impact to severe.
Demographic results from the 2012 study show that of the 167 participants, more than 83% reported their parents being married between 25 and 39 years. With a minimum age of 23 years at the time of their parents’ divorce as a requirement for study participation, 54.5% were between the ages of 35 and 59. As a testament to the significance of their parents’ divorce, 17 participants who completed the survey were between the ages of 50 and 59.
For psychotherapists, this study affords a perspective on the significance of parental divorce in adult years of the child. It can be a reminder to not fall into common assumptions about adult children and parental divorce. Looking through the prism of developmental theory, rich contextual information can be accessed and perhaps unlock a deeper understanding of how the past continues to influence the present.
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