By Dr. Denise Renye, Licensed Psychologist (PsyD), Sex Therapist, Life Coach
When it comes to sexuality, most people think of, well, sex. This word is both loaded and very limited. However, there are so many other aspects of sexuality that don’t get nearly enough air time.
I’m a certified sexologist with the American College of Sexologists International and a licensed psychologist with a master’s degree in human sexuality. I’ve dedicated years to thinking about, researching, writing, and teaching this topic. I care about this deeply because, even today, there’s a lack of awareness and communication regarding sexual topics in the general public. I know there can be a lot of pressure around sexual activity, but to remove it from its broader context of sexuality does us no favors.
Having worked in domestic violence shelters and rape crisis centers as a counselor and court advocate, I know sex can be used as a weapon of violence. But I also know through educating individuals and couples on the techniques of erotic massage, eye gazing, and non-violent communication, that sexuality can be an expression of connection and deep love and admiration. Sex can be experienced and used in a myriad of ways across the continuum of pain and pleasure.
But sex is more than the physical act. When talking about sex, I like to widen the lens and talk about sexuality, which is as deep as it is multifaceted. A holistic model I teach often to couples, individuals, and students is the five circles of sexuality developed by Dr. Dennis Dailey in 1981, which is still relevant. Note: In his original model he listed “biological gender” in the sexual identity circle. We now have a more nuanced and better understanding that gender is a social construct and sex is biological anatomy. Dailey’s work expanded the definition and understanding of sex at the time. No one benefits from a narrow definition – in fact, many are harmed by it – but we can bring our better understanding to his contributions and still see the insight of his work.
In this model, values lie at the center of sexuality, but surrounding it are circles: power and sexualization, sensuality, intimacy, sexual identity, and sexual health and reproduction. All of these aspects of sexuality are important parts of the whole for each individual.
As you can see, sexuality is multi-faceted. Furthermore, these circles of sexuality influence one another. For instance, if you have a history of negative power exchanges, that may make it harder for you to build intimacy with others. Or if you are a transgender person, you may be less inclined to seek out sexual-related healthcare because you don’t feel safe disclosing that information to certain healthcare providers.
When someone comes to me with a sexual concern, there are usually several factors at play that require attention and care. I spent 2+ years earning a master’s degree in human sexuality (with various practical application internships) on this topic because sexuality is so complex and cannot be distilled down to a sound bite or a 3-step method to sexual healing. That said, certain exercises come up frequently in my practice; sensate focus is one of them, and I’ll be back to share more about that next week.
Dr. Denise Renye is a licensed clinical psychologist, certified sexologist, and yoga therapist as well as psychedelic integrationist. She has a friendly, down-to-earth and professional approach that will allow space for you to be at ease when talking about sensitive subjects. She has specialized training and works with people in the areas of complex trauma, sexuality, intimacy, states of consciousness, and fringe relationships. Her practice is in Northern California and globally via virtual therapy and coaching.
© Copyright 2007 - 2024 GoodTherapy.org. All rights reserved.To find a sex therapist in your area, begin your search here.
The preceding article was solely written by the author named above. Any views and opinions expressed are not necessarily shared by GoodTherapy.org.