Thanks for your thoughtful question. I’m going to do my best to answer it and to alleviate some of the concerns you have expressed.
The most important thing to address here is your statement that if your personal issues were to get out, it would be damaging to your reputation. I’m not sure how much you know about the ethics of counseling and therapy, but one of the most important guidelines is that anything that a person shares with his or her therapist is confidential (with the exception of imminent risk to self or others or in the case of child/elder/dependent abuse). There are other, less common situations where confidentiality is not protected, but those are very rare. Also, the laws may differ by state, but by and large those are the two most common cases where confidentiality isn’t guaranteed. With that said, I understand your concern about privacy and your desire to be sure that you are protected as best as you can be. I hope that this knowledge will help you to feel safer as you consider whether to seek a therapist.
As for the next aspect of your question, it is not uncommon for people to seek out therapists with similar belief systems, especially when it comes to religion or spirituality. After all, some people tend to feel more comfortable with someone who shares those beliefs. There are some therapists who have no problem sharing their beliefs with a person considering therapy, and even those who specify their spiritual or religious affiliations up front. The other aspects you’re looking for (political, social) in your therapist might be more challenging to find, as many therapists might not feel comfortable discussing those views so early in the therapeutic relationship, if at all. It is quite likely, in fact, that a therapist will not discuss those issues, as they are intensely personal and private matters. Ethically, the therapist is not prevented from discussing personal views so long as it is in service to a person’s progress, but I would venture that many would feel that answering those questions prior to an appointment might be out of bounds.
As you already mentioned, therapy is not about your therapist but rather about you and your process. While you might feel more comfortable with a therapist who has similar views, it is quite possible that you may not find someone who meets your expectations. I do wonder why you feel that you can work only with someone who shares your beliefs. Given the laws and ethics governing confidentiality in therapy, whatever you tell the therapist (outside of the rare exceptions I outlined above) will remain confidential. Unless what you are sharing with the therapist is putting you or others in imminent danger or involves abusing others, you are protected. Regardless of political, social, or spiritual beliefs, ALL therapists are bound by this code of conduct. Not only is violating the confidentiality of a person in therapy unethical, it is illegal. That protects you far more than a shared belief system.
Your letter also mentions that you live in a small community. That factor alone makes it more difficult to find a therapist in your area who will share your beliefs because there are likely to be fewer therapists to choose from. If that is the case, I would hate for you to not seek therapy as a result. I wonder if your desire for your therapist to share your beliefs isn’t a way to limit the possibility that you will seek help if you can’t find the “perfect” fit. I hear that you feel vulnerable, and I want to acknowledge that this process can be very scary and feel risky. Indeed, it is risky to trust someone with your deepest secrets, and I applaud you for considering taking this journey.
I would also like to invite you consider your other possibilities. There are therapists who may not share your beliefs but who can be great catalysts for change nonetheless because what facilitates change in a therapeutic relationship is not shared values or similar beliefs—it’s the relationship between the therapist and the person in therapy. That je ne sais quoi of the healing relationship is not something that can be predicted by anything other than a mutual willingness to engage in the process.
I encourage you to reconsider your position given the information I have shared and to at least explore some of your options. Call and make some consultation appointments. Go meet some therapists and see how you FEEL when you are with them. Talk about your concerns about confidentiality and how you feel vulnerable undertaking this process. Give them a chance to see you and be seen. You might be pleasantly surprised to find that even someone whose belief systems are unknown to you can be very welcoming, accepting, nurturing, and can be a great agent of change.
Best wishes,
Lisa
The preceding article was solely written by the author named above. Any views and opinions expressed are not necessarily shared by GoodTherapy.org.