My Approach to Helping
I approach my clients with the framework that they are not the problem in their lives. Often times problems like depression, anxiety, anger, shame, infidelity, and trauma try to convince us there is something wrong with who we are; that if we could just "get over it" or "move on" that we would be fine. I learn from my clients about what their experience living with these problems has been and work to identify the real issue. From there we work to create strategies to use in the future when the problem tries to tear you down.
Many of my clients have told me this approach is helpful and immediately reduces feelings of shame and inadequacy. My couple clients have shared that this approach helps them not target each other, but instead work together to stand up to the problem that is affecting their relationship. Blame, guilt, and shame are not invited into sessions, rather your own values (love, confidence, integrity, trust) are used to help you create the life you want for you and your family.
I refuse to see you as anything other than a person trying to make the best decisions for you and I am not an expert in what you "should" be doing. Instead, I work to create measurable goals that YOU want to work on and help you take the steps necessary to be successful.
I look forward to meeting you and witness your success!
Lindsey Boes, MS, MFTC
More Info About My Practice
Boes Therapy Services provides safe, affirmative, confidential therapy for all people, regardless of previous diagnoses and identity. I work to be an advocate for my clients regardless of age, ability, criminal background, gender, gender expression, income, national origin, sex, sexual orientation, race, or religion. As a social justice therapist, I maintain an awareness of these and other identities as they influence my clients.
Standard sessions are $125 each. I have very flexible reduced fee options available and have never turned anyone away for inability to pay for services. Please contact me with any questions.
My office is located in Littleton with easy access from C470 and Santa Fe.
Specific Issue(s) I'm Skilled at Helping With
I was trained in providing LGBTQ affirmative and feminist therapy. Unfortunately these two ideas are largely misunderstood which leads to an aversion to these therapies; however when you learn what they actually mean these ideas are actually very freeing.
Feminist therapy is about exploring power, privilege, and resources in the client's life or relationship and working towards balance and equality. For example, I ask my clients about pressures they face at work, home, with friends, and with family. Women often feel they are responsible for making the relationship "work" while men often feel that they can't show weakness or ask for help with providing for the family. I ask about each client's experiences and address these pressures in session.
LGBTQ affirmative therapy is about supporting each person for who they are without pathologizing them. I do not require my clients to educate me on their identities and I do my best to eliminate the need to "check a box" identifying yourself. This is helpful with all my clients, regardless of their sexual orientation, gender identity, or gender expression because it reduces the presence of judgment and shame. I can ask about how you experience the world and not feel the need to categorize you or feel like the expert. You are the expert on you, and I am here to walk with you on your journey to meet your goals.
My Guiding Ethical Principles
First of all, I believe every client has the right to know their therapist's guiding ethical principles and I appreciate the opportunity to share my own.
Above all I value being genuine, hopeful, and kind. Whenever I sense a feeling of hopelessness in my clients, which is not uncommon at the beginning of our work, I remind myself to stay genuine, hopeful, and kind. This mantra helps me to look for the positives in any situation and look at what my clients have gone through rather than what is wrong with them.
Secondly I value transparency. Just as you as the client have the right to know your therapist's ethics, you have the right to know why they are asking a certain question, what biases they have that may influence your sessions, and what they are hoping to be the outcome of a particular therapeutic technique. Occasionally I will tell my clients that I will share my hopeful outcome after we do the technique so I don't bias their responses; however I always answer any questions my clients have about my therapy or provide the answer before they even ask.
Similarly I want to check-in with my clients and make sure sessions are working for them. Every few sessions I will ask how things have been going and if the client wants to make any changes to the session structure or goals. I believe the therapist works for the client and if sessions can be more effective I want to know your thoughts on making that a reality.
Why Going to Therapy Does Not Mean You are Weak or Flawed
This is one of the cruel myths about therapy and mental health in general because it deters people from seeking healthcare and shames people who are getting healthcare. No other form of healthcare receives such a bad reputation. Hopefully I can clear some of this up for you here, and feel free to give me a call for more information.
1) Everyone is dealing with something. Just because you are not going to therapy doesn't mean you are not living with some kind of problem; you are just dealing with it on your own. Everyone experiences some amount of anxiety, bad days, pressure to perform, miscommunication with our loved ones, conflicting roles, mood swings, and triggers to bad memories. Some of us experience more of these problems than others, but we all do at some point in our lives. Why not get help figuring out how to make it better?
2) Therapy is not easy, I'm not going to sugar-coat that. It takes strength to do just about anything in therapy: research therapists, contact a therapist, go to your first session, sharing your story, and learning about the problems in your life. Not only does our society shame people who go, but problems don't like to be talked about and try to make us feel worse for having hope. This is why your relationship with your therapist is so important: they walk with you on your journey so you are not alone. And once you begin taking control back from the problem it becomes easier and easier to get up and go each day.
What Makes up a Problem?
Problems that commonly bring people to therapy have a few things in common:
1) Most people experience this problem in varying degrees. Most of us experience anxiety, grief & loss, insecurity, shame, or depression at some point in our lives. Sometimes the problem is distant enough that it doesn't cause serious struggles but then comes back seemingly out of nowhere leaving the person blind sighted.
2) Problems don't want us to know they are around. I like to use the Wizard of Oz "man behind the curtain" metaphor. Problems have been learning about us for years before we figure out they are even there and use our buttons to take control over our thoughts and actions. The plus side to this is that once we pull back the curtain and identify the problem, we can review all the times it took control and start to learn about its buttons. We can learn about when it tries to get us, who it uses, what its goals are.
3) Problems often blame us for them being around in the first place. We all have thoughts in our heads that sometimes tear us down. "Why did you freak out? What is wrong with you? Just get over it! Stupid!" The voices that say these things are from the problem. Ironically, if the problem wasn't around it wouldn't be able to tear us down all the time. As mentioned previously, we all have problems, we all have these voices. My job is to help you figure out what kind of problem is behind these thoughts and figure out ways to make the problem leave you alone.