My Approach to Helping
I help men and couples who are healing from sexual addiction, infidelity, intense conflict, poor communication, or feeling more like roommates than lovers.
We start with a thorough assessment process so that I can understand where you are and how you got there. This is like getting your bearings after being lost in the woods. After the assessment, we will create a treatment plan together. This is like plotting your path out of the woods. This is where you will see your first glimmers of hope - having the sense that you don't have to stay lost. Your marriage does not have to end because of these challenges. This is also the end of the easy part. It took some time and several wrong turns to get lost in the woods. It will also take time to get "unlost."
Effective therapy is an intense process that includes you completing self-help activities in between sessions. If your weekly hour of therapy is the only investment you make in trying to get out of the woods, you will continue to feel lost and hopeless. I am only a guide, I can lead you out of the woods, but I cannot carry you out of the woods.
More Info About My Practice
Consider working with me if you or your partner would answer "Yes" to two or more of the following questions: Is your marriage full of conflict? Are you struggling to communicate effectively? Do you feel more like roommates than lovers? Has there been a recent discovery or disclosure of an affair? Do you often find yourself preoccupied with sexual thoughts? Do you hide some of your sexual behavior from others? Have you ever sought therapy for a sexual behavior you did not like? Has anyone been hurt emotionally because of your sexual behavior? Do you feel controlled by your sexual desire? When you have sex, do you feel depressed afterward?
What I Usually Need to Know to Help
As I mentioned above, I do a thorough assessment in order to help understand where you are and how you got there. For individuals, this takes one to two sessions, with some formal assessments filled out in between (these take about an hour to complete). For couples, this takes two to four sessions, with formal assessments filled out in between (these can take up to three hours to complete). Formal assessments are intimidating for some people. They ask some uncomfortable questions. You may feel like you are being worked into a box. The goal here is not to put you into a box, but to gain understanding by asking wise questions. These assessments function for me like an x-ray or lab tests function for your medical doctor. They provide an objective picture of what is going on. If you went to your medical doctor with a broken leg, your doctor would be negligent to not get an x-ray. Even though that metaphor is imperfect, I believe I would be negligent if I did not work hard and use the appropriate tools to understand you as unique individuals in a unique relationship.