Divorce occurs when a marriage does not succeed. The end of a marriage can feel like a relief. It can also be extremely stressful. Even the partner who chooses to leave may feel a range of emotions. They may experience grief, guilt, anger, confusion, fear, shame, and anxiety. If children are involved, the stress of divorce may be more intense.

Why Do People Get Divorced?

Between 40 and 50% of married couples in the United States get a divorce. Partners may choose divorce for many reasons. Couples often cite multiple reasons rather than one single problem. The following reasons are some of the most common for divorce:

Can Divorce Be Predicted?

It is impossible to predict with 100% accuracy if a marriage will end. But there are some signs that indicate it might. If present, these signs could mean divorce is more likely. Psychologist John Gottman has spent much time researching why partnerships fail. He theorizes it is not so much specific problems that lead to divorce. He found instead that divorce often stems from issues with how partners relate. Through his research, Gottman has identified some predictors for divorce. These are called the “four horsemen” of divorce:

If the one or more of the four horsemen is present in your relationship, it is not too late. Recognizing that a problem exists can be a first step toward solving it. But if a couple ignores these signs, they may be moving closer to a divorce.

The Effects of Divorce

Divorce is life-changing in many ways. It is helpful to monitor your reactions to the changes of divorce. This self-awareness can help you cope with the many adjustments that follow. 

Some common changes divorce brings include:

Emotions of Divorce

Divorce recovery is a process. Adjusting to changes that occur as a result of a divorce can take time. Part of the process is recognizing that changes will be certain. Newly divorced people will come to realized their lives will be affected. The lives of those around them may also change in profound ways.

Many feelings occur as a result of divorce. A few of them include:

These issues can often be worked through during the recovery process. Therapy is one way to begin recovering from a divorce.

Divorce and Children

Divorce may be complicated if you have children. Children are often impacted by a parent’s divorce. These effects may cause mental health issues. Divorce may increase chances of anxiety, depression, self-harm, and suicide in children and teens. You can help avoid these issues by watching your child’s reactions.

Some signs a child is struggling with a parent’s divorce include:

Once you notice this behavior, you can address it. Some ways to address your child’s reaction to your divorce include:

If your child is having trouble with your divorce, a child or family therapist could help. They can provide a safe setting for your child to share their thoughts, feelings, and worries.

References:

  1. Amato, P. R., & Previti, D. (2003). People's reasons for divorcing: Gender, social class, the life course, and adjustment. Journal of Family Issues, 24(5), 602-626. doi: 10.1177/0192513X03254507
  2. Gottman, J. M. & Silver, N. (1999). The seven principles for making marriage work. New York, NY: Crown.
  3. Helping children cope with divorce. (n.d.). Association for Behavioral and Cognitive Therapies. Retrieved from http://www.abct.org/Information/?m=mInformation&fa=fs_DIVORCE
  4. Warren, S. (2018, May 8). 10 most common reasons for divorce. Marriage.com. Retrieved from https://www.marriage.com/advice/divorce/10-most-common-reasons-for-divorce