{"id":8826,"date":"2011-06-27T13:08:11","date_gmt":"2011-06-27T20:08:11","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/?p=8826"},"modified":"2017-04-28T14:05:46","modified_gmt":"2017-04-28T21:05:46","slug":"creating-rituals-to-move-through-grief","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/creating-rituals-to-move-through-grief\/","title":{"rendered":"Creating Rituals to Move Through Grief"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"HandWe humans like things to stay the same. Even if we are open to change, change can be very difficult. There is nothing more disruptive than the death of someone you love, someone whose existence is part and parcel to your own. When those people die, we are left floundering. That person may be your child, your husband or wife, your companion, your friend, your sister, or your brother. The depth and breadth of your grief depends on the connectedness you feel to the person who has died—your spiritual, emotional, or physical connectedness, and often, your perception of your very existence<\/em>. The more intertwined your life with a person,\u00a0the more affected you are by your experience of grief<\/a> when that person dies.<\/p>\n

When someone you love dies, you experience deep, soul-wrenching pain. Your life changes. You change. Everything changes. Things are very different than you thought they would be. Yes, it hurts terribly. But there is nothing wrong with you. Grief is not pathological. Grief is normal. It totally sucks, but it is <\/em>normal. Grief is a part of life—a very painful, difficult part of life. And it flat out just sometimes sucks, but it is normal.\u00a0There are things you can do to help grief along its way; one thing I believe can be the most helpful is to engage in ritual.<\/p>\n

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What Is a Ritual?<\/strong><\/h2>\n

Rituals are actions done in purposeful ways that symbolize something much more than the acts themselves. Rituals are made up of actions that represent ideas, thoughts, myths, or beliefs about a particular thing. Rituals give purpose to action and always serve to connect us to something else, generally something greater than our own solitary selves. We may engage in ritual as we seek peace,\u00a0clarity of mind, or\u00a0to become more grounded. We may seek connectedness to family, a particular person, our culture, society, traditions, ancestors, or even to our own selves.<\/p>\n

We perform mini-rituals daily. Most of us have a specific routine associated with preparing for bed each night; we may wear a particular piece of jewelry or clothing for specific occasions; or we may make our beds each morning. We might repeat a particular phrase when we make a toast, or perhaps we close our texts or emails in a certain way. Whether small or elaborate, the rituals we engage in tell stories about who we are, who we want to be, and what is important to us in our lives. Your own rituals may be derived from your family<\/a>, culture, ethnicity, or\u00a0a particular religious or spiritual tradition<\/a>. No matter what stories they tell, rituals always provide structure, meaning, and connectedness.<\/p>\n

Perhaps the most significant thing that rituals provide is a certain order to an existence that otherwise might be full of confusion and chaos. Human life is full of confusion and uncertainty and, undoubtedly, the most chaotic times in our lives are the times when we are grieving. Grief is chaos. Times of grief are when we need ritual most. Unfortunately, in our society, there are few rituals that are specifically designed for grieving people, aside from the funeral or memorial service. These are necessary and helpful, but grieving people need more than a couple of rituals to help quell the deep chaos the death of a loved one can bring.<\/p>\n

Create Your Own Rituals<\/strong><\/h2>\n

Creating your own personal rituals to remember your loved ones allows you to access and work through your grief in a safe and constructive way. Some people plan rituals in honor of a loved one\u2019s birthday or an anniversary. Others choose to express their grief through small daily or weekly rituals. A ritual can be as elaborate as a public memorial service or as small as a quiet moment alone with your loved one\u2019s picture. Some examples of small rituals include:<\/p>\n