{"id":8366,"date":"2011-04-18T12:11:57","date_gmt":"2011-04-18T19:11:57","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/?p=8366"},"modified":"2014-11-13T15:13:10","modified_gmt":"2014-11-13T23:13:10","slug":"self-esteem-feedback","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/self-esteem-feedback\/","title":{"rendered":"Self-Esteem and Being Wrong"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignleft size-medium wp-image-17297\" src=\"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/04\/business-woman-on-scooter-225x300.jpg\" alt=\"Business woman riding scooter\" width=\"225\" height=\"300\" title=\"\">Which of the following statements are true?<\/p>\n<p>People with high self-esteem:<br \/>\nA. Are convinced they can never be wrong<br \/>\nB. Don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t usually appreciate negative feedback<br \/>\nC. Think whatever they do is great<br \/>\nD. Couldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t care less what others think of them<br \/>\nE. All of the above<\/p>\n<p>Answer: None of these are true of people with genuine self-esteem! The truth is, the higher your self-esteem, the better you tolerate criticism and disappointment.<\/p>\n<p>Let\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s go over these again and get the real scoop on <strong>people with high self-esteem:<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>False<\/strong>: They\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re convinced they can never be wrong<br \/>\n<strong>True<\/strong>: People with healthy self-esteem aren\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t delusional; they know and accept that sometimes they mess up.<!--more--><\/p>\n<p><strong>False<\/strong>: They don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t usually appreciate negative feedback<br \/>\n<strong>True<\/strong>: They appreciate <em>all<\/em> feedback, because they want to know the truth. They can take it. They don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t need to be \u00e2\u20ac\u0153propped up\u00e2\u20ac\u009d by positive feedback, because they\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re already standing comfortably on their own two feet.<\/p>\n<p><strong>False<\/strong>: They think everything they do is great<br \/>\n<strong>True<\/strong>: Again, they\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re not delusional. Sometimes they disappoint themselves. But unlike people with injured (i.e., low) self-esteem, these feelings are situational and temporary, rather than deep and chronic.<\/p>\n<p><strong>False<\/strong>: They couldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t care less what others think of them<br \/>\n<strong>True<\/strong>: They do care, just like the rest of us. But they don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t <em>begin<\/em> with an assumption that others will find them stupid, unattractive or annoying.<\/p>\n<p>We can all take a page from the high self-esteemers when it comes to being wrong. Here are a few things to remember&#8230;<\/p>\n<p><strong>You may be wrong about something, but you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re not wrong as a person.<\/strong><br \/>\nLow self-esteem makes us believe we\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re inherently worthless, bad or wrong as people. So when we\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re wrong about something, it feels like reinforcement; it feels like we really are wrong in ourselves. So we guard against admitting we\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re wrong, even to ourselves.<\/p>\n<p>But if you think about it, every single one of us on this planet \u00e2\u20ac\u201c including the greatest heroes, heartthrobs and role models \u00e2\u20ac\u201c is sometimes wrong. So being wrong can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t be a measure of worth as a person, because if it is, we\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re all unworthy. In which case, you can relax and enjoy the good company you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re in.<\/p>\n<p>Take the risk today of admitting you made a mistake. Admit it to someone with a kind heart, and pay attention to how they respond. The more you can admit that you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re wrong without experiencing rejection, the more you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll realize that perfection isn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t required.<\/p>\n<p><strong>When you receive negative feedback:<\/strong><br \/>\n1)\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0 <strong>Think about who it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s coming from.<\/strong> Your feedback-giver is a person with his or her own motivation for saying what they said to you. Even if they say, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I only want to help you,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d how much do you believe them? Depending on the person, that might be true, partially true, or completely false. Do they have a legitimate reason for wanting to help? Do you experience them as caring and helpful most of the time? In other words, be discerning when it comes to people whose feedback you take to heart.<\/p>\n<p>2)\u00c2\u00a0<strong>Ask yourself, Is the feedback accurate?<\/strong> It may be 100% wrong. It may in fact be the opposite of what\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s true. Or it may be right on the money. What do YOU think in your heart of hearts? If negative feedback seems accurate, it doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t mean you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re bad. It means you have something you can work on, if you choose to do so. Ask the feedback-giver for help. For example, if you write a story and someone doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t like it, ask them what they think would make it better. As long as you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve got someone offering you feedback, you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re never alone.<\/p>\n<p>3) <strong>Remember it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s about what you did, not who you are.<\/strong> Even if someone complains that, for example, they were hurt by something you did or said&#8230; they\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re complaining about your behavior, not you. The feedback gives you information about how something you did affected someone else. And then you have many options as to how to respond.<\/p>\n<p><strong>If you receive negative feedback about something you can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t change<\/strong>, like your facial features or your family\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s origins, you are being bullied. People who criticize things that can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t be changed are not offering constructive feedback. They are simply displaying ignorance or being cruel. Realize that you don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t deserve to be treated with cruelty, no matter how often it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s happened in the past. You can choose to seek other companions who will value those very things about you that were criticized.<\/p>\n<p>Being wrong sometimes and receiving negative feedback are facts of life for everyone. We all care what others think, because we\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re social beings. But when receiving negative feedback, be a discriminating consumer of that information. Never let negative feedback make you feel smaller than you are.<\/p>\n<p>People with high self-esteem are lucky enough to know that, even when their mistakes bring them criticism, they can never be wrong <em>as people<\/em>. And that\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s a comforting bit of truth for all of us to remember.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Which of the following statements are true? People with high self-esteem: A. Are convinced they can never be wrong B. Don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t usually appreciate negative feedback C. Think whatever they do is great D. Couldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t care less what others think of them E. All of the above Answer: None of these are true of people with [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":532,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_crdt_document":"","_uf_show_specific_survey":0,"_uf_disable_surveys":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[],"tags":[387,434,25,392,235,411],"class_list":["post-8366","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","tag-communication-problems","tag-identity-issues","tag-psychotherapy-issues","tag-self-criticism","tag-self-esteem-psychotherapy-issues","tag-sensitivity-to-critiscism"],"acf":{"author_show":false,"author_name":"","author_role":"","author_avatar":null,"author_profile_url":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8366","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/532"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=8366"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8366\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=8366"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=8366"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=8366"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}