{"id":7913,"date":"2011-02-03T18:51:28","date_gmt":"2011-02-04T01:51:28","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/?p=7913"},"modified":"2016-04-25T10:42:02","modified_gmt":"2016-04-25T17:42:02","slug":"children-say-i-dont-like-you-parenting","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/when-your-children-say-i-don%E2%80%99t-like-you","title":{"rendered":"When Children Say, &#8220;I Don&#8217;t Like You&#8221;\u2026"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignleft wp-image-24038 size-full\" src=\"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/02\/father-consoling-crying-boy.jpg\" alt=\"Father consoles crying boy\" width=\"250\" height=\"250\" data-id=\"24038\" title=\"\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/02\/father-consoling-crying-boy.jpg 250w, https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/02\/father-consoling-crying-boy-200x200.jpg 200w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 250px) 100vw, 250px\" \/>Hearing &#8220;I don&#8217;t like you!&#8221; from your child can hurt, but don\u2019t believe that they really don\u2019t like you. Kids, as young as 2, learn to say &#8220;No;&#8221; they have their feelings hurt and want to do things their own way. They do not have the cognizance to say, \u201cMom or Dad, I\u2019m mad because I can\u2019t get my own way at this time, but I understand why you said I can\u2019t do that particular thing.\u201d If only they could!<\/p>\n<p>On You Tube, I saw a video of a 3-year-old that told his mom that he only liked her when she gave him cookies. She listened and acknowledged what he said. She told him it was okay and that she loved him. He said he loved her too but doesn\u2019t always like her. It was cute. If he was a little older, he probably would have said, \u201cI don\u2019t like what you said.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>If your child shouts, \u201cI don\u2019t like you!\u201d in response to not getting his\/her way, acknowledge his\/ her feelings, remind him\/her that it\u2019s okay to not like the decision and remind your child that <a href=\"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/psychpedia\/unconditional-positive-regard\" target=\"_blank\">you love him\/her<\/a>. Though this\u00a0may not always go smoothly, the more calm and consistent you are, the better.<\/p>\n<p>When children say, &#8220;I don\u2019t like you,\u201d you have an opportunity to help them identify feelings and find more words so they can learn to express themselves verbally.<\/p>\n<p>You might say:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><strong>\u201cIt sounds like you are upset with Mommy or Daddy, and that\u2019s okay. Let\u2019s do something else together.\u201d<\/strong> Here, you identify and acknowledge your child&#8217;s feelings, allowing these feelings to be felt. You are also saying that there are other things that the two of you could do together. Redirection is a great tool after the acknowledgment of the feelings. It may not always go as smoothly in this scenario, but it does help.<\/li>\n<li><strong>\u201cI know you may not like what Mommy or Daddy said. What are you mad about?\u201d<\/strong> With this, you acknowledge the feelings and include a question that can help the child formulate thoughts and express how he\/she sees it. If your child says, \u201cI don\u2019t want to take a nap. I want to play with my toys,\u201d again, acknowledge his\/her feelings and thoughts. You can even say that you agree with him\/her that toys are more fun than a nap, but if it\u2019s nap time, explain that\u00a0the toys will be there when he\/she gets up. Proceed to preparation for nap.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Some kids will accept this as sufficient and others won\u2019t. When a child gets more upset or doesn\u2019t like the answer, remain calm and consistent. He\/she will be okay. If tantrums become more extreme, continue to remain calm and consistent. It&#8217;s difficult, but it is necessary to not give in.\u00a0You can still acknowledge the feelings briefly, without fully engaging in conversation with your child. Reasoning with a child when he\/she has a tantrum is not helpful in decreasing or eliminating the tantrums, in fact, it reinforces them.<\/p>\n<p>You can remind your child that when the nap is done, both of you can play with the toys, go to the park, or do something else.<\/p>\n<p>Remember, kids don&#8217;t mean it when they say, \u201cI don\u2019t like you.\u201d It can hurt, but your job as a <a href=\"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/learn-about-therapy\/issues\/parenting\" target=\"_blank\">parent<\/a> is to raise your child to be able to express the thoughts and feelings he\/she has in appropriate ways, be helpful and respectful, and have a strong sense of self-worth.<\/p>\n<p>When you remain calm and consistent as best you can, this will help you both to work through the particular situation and get to having a more fun time easier and faster.<\/p>\n<p>One book that is very helpful is <em>Making Children Mind Without Losing Yours <\/em>by Dr. Kevin Lehman. Check it out!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Children may respond to not getting their way with, &#8220;I don&#8217;t like you!&#8221; Of course, they don&#8217;t mean it. As a parent, you can help them express themselves more fully. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2379,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_crdt_document":"","_uf_show_specific_survey":0,"_uf_disable_surveys":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[],"tags":[21,51,25,27],"class_list":["post-7913","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","tag-child-and-adolescent-issues","tag-healthy-parenting","tag-psychotherapy-issues","tag-psychotherapy-models"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7913","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2379"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=7913"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7913\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=7913"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=7913"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=7913"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}