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Unemployment is a downright monster. Most often, we see a lot of support for the unemployed person who is building his or her resume, interviewing, networking, staying busy, and being positive. I certainly hope and pray that our economy improves soon and each unemployed person finds work that is fulfilling in both meaning and income.<\/p>\n
But how about support for the partners of unemployed people?<\/p>\n
Ms. Y (not her real name) came in the other day and said, \u201cMy husband has been unemployed for over two years. Over two years<\/em>. Over—two—years! I say it, dumbfounded, because at some point every day, I realize that I can’t believe how long it’s been. First it was an industry crisis. Then came his depression<\/a>. Then there was his second wind, his revival. Then the revival turned into stagnation again. There were a number of short-term freelance gigs. There were rejections, interviews, and even jobs-in-hand that folded at the last minute\u00a0 thanks to the tanking economy.<\/p>\n “During every rise and fall of this god-forsaken unemployment phase, I have been there to support my partner every step of the way. I\u2019m exhausted. I\u2019m tired of being the sole breadwinner. I\u2019m especially tired of all those people who tell me what they think about my husband\u2019s lack-of-work situation. During these years, I can\u2019t tell you how many times I\u2019ve been at some function where after a few drinks someone said to me, ‘I feel so bad for your partner. Your partner really needs support. Be patient, be supportive.’<\/p>\n “I think to myself, ‘Me<\/em>, be patient? Me<\/em>, be supportive? When haven\u2019t I been?!’ I want to jump out of my skin and slap that person silly. Instead, I stuff my pride, and in my most polite tone, I tell the preacher-man to stick it. I want to hear what they have to say after they\u2019ve supported their unemployed partner for over two years. I doubt it\u2019ll be the same thing, I swear. Jerk.\u201d<\/p>\n My heart goes out to Ms. Y and people like her. It is tough to be unemployed, but it is equally tough to be the partner watching and supporting the unemployed person. It is a terribly helpless position. Some have become involuntary breadwinners, straining to care for everyone and everything with one lone paycheck. All are forced to be passengers on the emotional roller coaster<\/a> ride of a loved one\u2019s bout with unemployment.<\/p>\n Some are the only people their unemployed partners will talk to about their suffering. Often, their emotional needs involuntarily get thrown aside because of the attitude that \u201cunemployment isn\u2019t happening to you, it\u2019s happening to the unemployed.\u201d Both the unemployed and partners of unemployed vacillate on the spectrum between the hope for the day of the “Great News” (\u201cI start a new, real job on Monday and can help pay the bills now!\u201d) and fear that their savings will be sucked dry and they\u2019ll be forced to live in a shelter—or worse, their parents\u2019 house.<\/p>\n I say unto you, dear partners: It is time.<\/p>\n Partners, it is indeed time to take care of you. You deserve it. You have done an amazing job of standing by your unemployed person\u2019s side despite the mental, physical, and\u00a0spiritual turmoil<\/a>\u00a0that unemployment puts everyone through. So first of all, do yourself a favor and give yourself—your mind, body, and soul—a break.<\/p>\n How can you possibly give yourself a break at a time like this? Well,\u00a0if you don\u2019t, you\u2019re going to keel over, for one. The truth of the matter is that unemployment is not what defines you or your partner completely. In other words, each of you is a complex, multifaceted human being who remains healthy as long as your mental, physical, spiritual,\u00a0and relationship states are receiving attention. At this moment, unemployment is taking a toll on these four realms; however, the trick to lessening unemployment\u2019s severe control is self-care.<\/p>\n Self-care<\/a> means honoring the other facets of your personality and life, thereby diminishing the attention given to the unemployment monster. Take a look at the following short lists of self-care ideas that honor these other parts of who you are. You\u2019ll find that many ideas can cross multiple realms:<\/p>\n Mental:<\/strong> Attend individual and\/or group therapy. Meditate<\/a>, listen to music, take a vacation alone or with a friend or partner, spend time with loved ones, take a class, or escape through watching movies or reading.<\/p>\n Spiritual:<\/strong> Pray alone or with others. Choose to be silent, join a group on a spiritual practice that you enjoy, light a candle and reflect, journal your thoughts<\/a> and feelings, or attend spiritual events and retreats.<\/p>\n Physical:<\/strong> Get a massage, exercise, go for a walk, take a hot bath, get regular sleep, dance, play sports, do yoga, paint, draw, sing, arrange flowers, color mandalas, play music, use\u00a0relaxation techniques<\/a>, or cook.<\/p>\n