{"id":6368,"date":"2010-03-30T12:00:48","date_gmt":"2010-03-30T19:00:48","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/?p=6368"},"modified":"2018-05-18T16:04:28","modified_gmt":"2018-05-18T23:04:28","slug":"pain-versus-suffering","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/pain-versus-suffering\/","title":{"rendered":"Pain Is Inevitable; Suffering Is Optional"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Person\u201cPain is inevitable; suffering is optional.\u201d<\/em> \u2014Buddhist proverb<\/p>\n

One morning when I was trying to leave a meditation<\/a> group, I became agitated because others were “making me late” for another meditation group. I moved swiftly from blaming others to feeling\u00a0shame<\/a> at my imagined late entrance and fearing that I wouldn\u2019t be able to find a place to sit. These worries, coupled with my anxiety about pain in my back and whether I could even sit, led to a meltdown.<\/p>\n

I rapidly convinced myself that everyone (yes, everyone) would stare at me and shun me forever (yes, forever). I disconnected from the facts. I forgot that these people were my sangha\u2014my community of Buddhist practitioners\u2014and are committed to compassion<\/a> for all beings (yes, even for me). They weren\u2019t there to judge me. Like me, they were there to hear our teachers. But who needs facts in the middle of a meltdown? I found myself weeping as I drove, conjuring all kinds of judgment about what a bad person I was for falling apart. \u201cAnd you call yourself a meditator! Tsk, tsk!\u201d said the voice in my mind.<\/p>\n

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As I drove along in misery, I somehow remembered I could drop all of these stories. Suddenly the thought arose, clear as a bell: \u201cI am just crying.\u201d That was the simple truth of the situation, the only thing that was actually happening. My relief was immediate and complete. By the time I arrived, I had settled. I blew my nose and entered the hall as the lamas were beginning their talk. I found a seat easily and was greeted warmly by friends sitting nearby.<\/p>\n

As usual, all my suffering was for nothing. If more pain had come my way in that moment, fretting about it wouldn\u2019t help. Fretting only leads to further disconnect from my heart and my strength. If no pain had come my way, then fretting would only waste precious time and energy. As Buddhists say, \u201cIf you can do something about it, no need to worry. If you can\u2019t do anything about it, no need to worry.\u201d<\/p>\n

Creating Suffering<\/h2>\n

We all experience pain in our lives. Unfortunately, our attempts to manage pain often turn it into suffering instead of providing relief.<\/p>\n

Some common ways we create suffering include:<\/p>\n