{"id":43668,"date":"2024-12-20T15:39:36","date_gmt":"2024-12-20T20:39:36","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/?p=43668"},"modified":"2024-12-18T13:40:23","modified_gmt":"2024-12-18T18:40:23","slug":"tis-the-season-for-boundary-setting","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/tis-the-season-for-boundary-setting\/","title":{"rendered":"Tis the Season for Boundary Setting"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"PersonDuring the holiday season, it can be difficult to know how to care for yourself and family while also meeting the expectations<\/a> of others. It\u2019s a busy season of family gatherings, office parties, and kids\u2019 activities that can come with lots of high hopes and expectations.<\/div>\n

What are Boundaries<\/h2>\n
Boundaries. One author describes boundaries<\/a> as personal limits that help individuals define where they end, and others begin. These boundaries allow people to take responsibility for their own lives and well-being, and to let go of the responsibility for others’ actions and emotions. At those times remember: YOU are responsible for caring for your well-being. Taking care of yourself is not selfish; it\u2019s mature.\u00a0 When we take time to check in with ourselves and see how full our tank is, then we can determine what we\u2019re able to do or not.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
It is important to note that boundary setting isn\u2019t just about what\u2019s convenient or ideal for me. Meaningful, fulfilling relationships do require sacrifice and inconveniences on our part. We won\u2019t experience the deep connections if we\u2019re not willing to experience any \u201ccosts\u201d of investing in the relationship. At the same time, we cannot always show up when someone asks.<\/div>\n

Setting\u00a0 Healthy Boundaries<\/h2>\n
How do I determine if my boundary-setting is healthy or selfish<\/a>? One barometer check I\u2019ve found helpful is to ask myself \u201cIs this something I can give like a gift, or something I have to do (to avoid negative consequences)?\u201d For example, your mom wants you to come the weekend before the holiday meal to put up decorations. Your own decorations aren\u2019t up yet. You still need to shop and cook. You know it\u2019ll take valuable hours from your own prep work. Can you say \u201cyes\u201d to helping your mom, though it\u2019s a sacrifice with an attitude of \u201cI can do this for you.\u201d Or would you say \u201cyes\u201d with a sense of \u201cI have no choice.\u201d The first response is healthy boundaries.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
The tank of our emotional\/mental\/physical\/financial well-being may not be as full this holiday season as past ones. That\u2019s ok. If those around you don\u2019t accept that, it\u2019s important for you to recognize this and not expect more of yourself than your tank can take you. Some responses may look like this: \u201cThe kids\u2019 father had to work overtime last month so we\u2019re protecting family time by doing fewer gatherings this holiday.\u201d \u201cI won\u2019t be cooking my famous dish this year, but I\u2019m looking forward to serving it next year.\u201d \u201cMoving the start time three hours earlier doesn\u2019t work for us, but we can come an hour earlier than originally planned.\u201d<\/div>\n

It’s Okay to Say No<\/h2>\n
The author Megan LeBoutillier is known for saying \u201c\u2018No\u2019 is a complete sentence.\u201d We\u2019re not required to explain, defend, or convince others of our boundaries- especially when others push back. I would suggest that your first response to an invitation isn\u2019t just \u201cNo\u201d as an initial negative response can weaken the relationship, yet eventually \u201cNo\u201d may be all you say.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
Healthy boundaries can be a gift you give to yourself and others– enabling healthier interactions and mutual respect can help you avoid being drained by others\u2019 demands.<\/strong><\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

During the holiday season, it can be difficult to know how to care for yourself and family while also meeting the expectations of others. It?s a busy season of family gatherings, office parties, and kids? activities that can come with lots of high hopes and expectations. What are Boundaries Boundaries. One author describes boundaries as […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3201,"featured_media":43670,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_crdt_document":"","_uf_show_specific_survey":0,"_uf_disable_surveys":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[2263,542,2095,628,1],"tags":[861,2266,2112],"class_list":["post-43668","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-holiday-topics","category-featured-articles","category-find-therapist","category-general","category-uncategorized","tag-boundaries","tag-boundaries-during-the-holidays","tag-holiday-stress"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/43668","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3201"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=43668"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/43668\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/43670"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=43668"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=43668"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=43668"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}