{"id":43626,"date":"2024-12-14T15:38:14","date_gmt":"2024-12-14T20:38:14","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/?p=43626"},"modified":"2024-12-12T15:39:16","modified_gmt":"2024-12-12T20:39:16","slug":"holiday-guide-for-late-men","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/holiday-guide-for-late-men\/","title":{"rendered":"Holiday Guide for LATE Men"},"content":{"rendered":"<h2><span class=\"TextRun SCXW263758123 BCX0\" lang=\"EN-US\" xml:lang=\"EN-US\" data-contrast=\"auto\"><span class=\"NormalTextRun SCXW263758123 BCX0\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"wp-image-43627 size-medium alignleft\" src=\"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/12\/The-Late-men-blog--300x300.png\" alt=\"Girlfriend read greeting card thank you note from his boyfriend\" width=\"300\" height=\"300\" title=\"\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/12\/The-Late-men-blog--300x300.png 300w, https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/12\/The-Late-men-blog--800x800.png 800w, https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/12\/The-Late-men-blog--200x200.png 200w, https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/12\/The-Late-men-blog-.png 1080w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\" \/>Gift Ideas for Your Wife or Girlfriend<\/span><\/span><span class=\"EOP SCXW263758123 BCX0\" data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335551550&quot;:2,&quot;335551620&quot;:2}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/h2>\n<p><i><span data-contrast=\"none\">This is a holiday guide for LATE Men \u2013 adult men who sometimes function like Lost, Angry Teenagers &#8211; late to mature and late to show up as fully functioning adults. They become stuck in an adolescent level of development. The LATE Men don\u2019t understand women and what they need, and when their women express feelings and needs, they often react with anger.\u00a0<\/span><\/i><span data-ccp-props=\"{}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Lost Men and the Holidays<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"auto\">The holidays are tricky and stressful for LATE Men. These men typically grew up in dysfunctional homes and were culturally influenced by a toxic code of masculinity. This code taught them how to be controlling and angry, and how to stuff their more sensitive feelings (sadness, shame, and fear). The holidays present LATE Men with challenges they are unprepared for.\u00a0<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"auto\">The LATE Men were never taught how to properly love and care for the women in their lives. So, they don\u2019t know what to do during the holidays. Or they\u2019re so angry they sabotage this special time of family connection and celebration. For example:<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li data-leveltext=\"\uf0b7\" data-font=\"Symbol\" data-listid=\"1\" data-list-defn-props=\"{&quot;335552541&quot;:1,&quot;335559685&quot;:780,&quot;335559991&quot;:360,&quot;469769226&quot;:&quot;Symbol&quot;,&quot;469769242&quot;:[8226],&quot;469777803&quot;:&quot;left&quot;,&quot;469777804&quot;:&quot;\uf0b7&quot;,&quot;469777815&quot;:&quot;hybridMultilevel&quot;}\" aria-setsize=\"-1\" data-aria-posinset=\"1\" data-aria-level=\"1\"><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Due to shame and internal struggles, they numb themselves with alcohol, drugs, social media, and other activities \u2013 and they don\u2019t show up for the holidays.<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li data-leveltext=\"\uf0b7\" data-font=\"Symbol\" data-listid=\"1\" data-list-defn-props=\"{&quot;335552541&quot;:1,&quot;335559685&quot;:780,&quot;335559991&quot;:360,&quot;469769226&quot;:&quot;Symbol&quot;,&quot;469769242&quot;:[8226],&quot;469777803&quot;:&quot;left&quot;,&quot;469777804&quot;:&quot;\uf0b7&quot;,&quot;469777815&quot;:&quot;hybridMultilevel&quot;}\" aria-setsize=\"-1\" data-aria-posinset=\"2\" data-aria-level=\"1\"><span data-contrast=\"auto\">They\u2019re angry because they feel burdened, unappreciated, or they\u2019re running from their feelings \u2013 and they isolate, pick fights, or become excessively controlling.<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li data-leveltext=\"\uf0b7\" data-font=\"Symbol\" data-listid=\"1\" data-list-defn-props=\"{&quot;335552541&quot;:1,&quot;335559685&quot;:780,&quot;335559991&quot;:360,&quot;469769226&quot;:&quot;Symbol&quot;,&quot;469769242&quot;:[8226],&quot;469777803&quot;:&quot;left&quot;,&quot;469777804&quot;:&quot;\uf0b7&quot;,&quot;469777815&quot;:&quot;hybridMultilevel&quot;}\" aria-setsize=\"-1\" data-aria-posinset=\"3\" data-aria-level=\"1\"><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Many LATE Men do their best to be helpful \u2013 even generous \u2013 but they miss the mark. They don\u2019t really understand her needs or desires and they buy inappropriate gifts. Or they buy expensive gifts but don\u2019t show up as loving partners.\u00a0<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h2><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Five Gift Ideas for LATE Men\u00a0<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Many women appreciate nice jewelry, perfume, and clothing \u2013 even electronic devices. These are perfectly nice, lovely gifts. They can also be impersonal, with little relational meaning or depth. LATE Men can do something different this year, and surprise her with a heartfelt gift of love and positive attention.\u00a0<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"auto\">These are five gifts for a LATE Man to surprise his wife or girlfriend \u2013 gifts that express heartfelt sentiments of appreciation, gratitude, and love.<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Give Her a Break<\/span><\/h3>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Let her know you will take care of things at home so she can go out with her friends. Cook and serve dinner for her (and don\u2019t let her do the dishes). Make a commitment to do that once every week. Buy her a package of spa services for a few hours, a full day with friends, or an entire weekend. Organize and plan a romantic weekend trip for the two of you. These gifts are more special and loving when they are presented in a romantic greeting card (in your own handwriting!).<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><span data-contrast=\"auto\">The Gift of Emotional Connection<\/span><\/h3>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"auto\">One of the biggest complaints made by women in <a href=\"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/learn-about-therapy\/issues\/relationships\">couples therapy<\/a> is the lack of emotional support and connection by their men. I suggest writing a letter to her that expresses your commitment to be attentive, responsive, and emotionally engaged on an ongoing basis. But no empty promises! Add a note in your personal calendar (one that shows up every week of the year) that reminds you of this commitment. Let her know that you intend to stay emotionally connected by truly listening to her with understanding and empathy. <\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Practice being emotionally open and honest yourself. Most LATE Men have a mature, emotionally healthy part of them &#8211; a loving, responsible Adult self.<\/span> <span data-contrast=\"auto\">Focus on putting your Adult self in charge and on maintaining a confident (not arrogant) loving connection with your wife or girlfriend.\u00a0<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335559685&quot;:720}\">\u00a0<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{&quot;335559685&quot;:720}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><span data-contrast=\"auto\">The Gift of Service<\/span><\/h3>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Women feel appreciated and loved when partners are helpful and actively contribute to the upkeep of home and hearth. A special holiday gift of service (which may arrive as a written promise in a card or letter) may include timely completion of your \u201cHoney-do\u201d list, organizing and cleaning the garage, painting the house, or planting flowers. Other gifts of service may be ongoing, with a written commitment to wash her car every week, vacuum the house weekly, or do the laundry on weekends. <\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<h3>Romantic Gestures<\/h3>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Write her a romantic poem (AI can help but do your best to personalize it). Leave a love note for her once a week (surprise her by placing the notes in different locations \u2013 such as her car, on her pillow, in her closet). Buy her some flowers \u2013 or a single rose. Send her loving texts during the day. Shampoo her hair \u2013 or brush her hair. Give her a massage (without the expectation of sex). If you want other romantic ideas, try asking her! <\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><span data-contrast=\"auto\">The Gift of Appreciation &amp; Respect<\/span><span data-contrast=\"auto\">\u00a0<\/span><\/h3>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"auto\"> The sincere expression of gratitude, appreciation, and respect is one of the four cornerstones of a healthy, loving relationship (along with trust, emotional support, and positive attention). I suggest writing her a letter that details everything you are grateful for. Let her know that you recognize and appreciate all that she does, and all the love that she gives. What do you respect, admire, and honor her for? How is she your equal in life, and what has she taught you? Make a commitment to show her appreciation and respect every day.<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"auto\">And one final gift a LATE Man can give his wife or girlfriend \u2013 and himself. The gift of therapy. LATE Men respond well to therapy with a focus on male psychology. Men can give themselves the gift of <a href=\"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/learn-about-therapy\/issues\/self-compassion\">self-compassion<\/a> and self-growth that comes with individual therapy. And they can give their relationship the gift of a secure, loving partnership with couple therapy.\u00a0<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Gift Ideas for Your Wife or Girlfriend? This is a holiday guide for LATE Men ? adult men who sometimes function like Lost, Angry Teenagers &#8211; late to mature and late to show up as fully functioning adults. They become stuck in an adolescent level of development. The LATE Men don?t understand women and what [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3201,"featured_media":43628,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_crdt_document":"","_uf_show_specific_survey":0,"_uf_disable_surveys":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[2263,542,2095,628,2129,1762,1],"tags":[2264,2112,2113],"class_list":["post-43626","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-holiday-topics","category-featured-articles","category-find-therapist","category-general","category-love","category-relationships","category-uncategorized","tag-holiday","tag-holiday-stress","tag-stressfull-holiday-season"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/43626","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3201"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=43626"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/43626\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/43628"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=43626"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=43626"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=43626"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}