{"id":43019,"date":"2024-04-04T09:40:56","date_gmt":"2024-04-04T13:40:56","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/?p=43019"},"modified":"2024-04-02T09:42:06","modified_gmt":"2024-04-02T13:42:06","slug":"how-emotion-focused-therapy-is-used-in-couple-counseling","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/how-emotion-focused-therapy-is-used-in-couple-counseling\/","title":{"rendered":"How Emotion-Focused Therapy is Used in Couple Counseling"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"GoodTherapyThere is no one-size-fits-all approach when it comes to couples counseling, as each relationship comprises different challenges and experiences. But some therapeutic strategies have proven to be particularly effective when untangling stressful, tense partner dynamics. <\/span>\u00c2\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Emotion-focused therapy<\/a>, in particular, is one of the most commonly used tactics that relationship counselors use to help couples establish more secure attachments with their partners. One <\/span>analysis<\/span><\/a> from the New York Center for Emotion-Focused Therapy showed that <\/span>90% of couples showed significant improvement after EFT sessions<\/span><\/i><\/b> compared to the control group who did not receive such therapy.\u00c2\u00a0<\/span>\u00c2\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Let\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s examine how it differs from other strategies and whether it can benefit your relationship as well.<\/span>\u00c2\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

What is Emotion-Focused Therapy<\/span><\/b>\u00c2\u00a0<\/span><\/h2>\n

Popularized throughout the 1980s, the therapeutic practice helps clients better identify, explore, accept, and even alter their own emotions. The <\/span>essence of EFT<\/span><\/a> is rooted in our awareness and relationship to our own emotions, both positive and negative, subsequently boosting emotional intelligence and improving our reactions to events and external behaviors.\u00c2\u00a0<\/span>\u00c2\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

According to an <\/span>American Psychological Report<\/span><\/a>:<\/span>\u00c2\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Emotions are seen as crucial in motivating behavior. People generally do what they feel like doing rather than what reason or logic dictates. It follows that to achieve behavioral change, people need to change the emotions motivating their behavior.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/span><\/i>\u00c2\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

EFT is used in a variety of therapeutic settings, such as individual counseling, and family or group therapy as well. <\/span>\u00c2\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

How is emotion-focused therapy used in couples therapy<\/span><\/b>\u00c2\u00a0<\/span><\/h2>\n

Benefits of EFT in relationship settings<\/span>\u00c2\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Every successful relationship relies on healthy emotional dynamics, wherein each partner is not only aware of their own emotions but has the tools to regulate them and is also comfortable being vulnerable with the other person.<\/span>\u00c2\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

In the words of Dr. Sue Johnson, one of the founders of <\/span>emotion-focused therapy<\/span><\/a>:<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00e2\u20ac\u0153To foster connection we need not just to spend time together as companions, but to also risk sharing softer, deeper emotions. We must learn to hold each other\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s feelings in a way that calms our nervous systems and gives us a deeply-felt sense of safe connection.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/span>\u00c2\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

That makes EFT a particularly useful approach in couples therapy. Let\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s take an example of an exchange where such an approach could be valuable:<\/span>\u00c2\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Person A:<\/span><\/b> Would you like to go out somewhere this Friday?<\/span>
\nPerson B:<\/span><\/b> I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t know, you probably don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t want to go anywhere anyway.\u00c2\u00a0 <\/span>
\nPerson A:<\/span><\/b> [Shrugs, rolls eyes, walks away]<\/span>\u00c2\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

In EFT, Person B\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s dismissive response to the question would warrant further exploration if re-enacted or described in an EFT session. Upon further examination, it may reveal that they are feeling frustrated that Person A doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t take the initiative to make plans to do enjoyable activities together, something that Person B may find important as part of a fulfilling relationship. Conversely, Person B\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s emotional response – as evidenced by rolling their eyes and ignoring their partner – may derive from feeling like, no matter how much effort they make, it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s never enough. <\/span>\u00c2\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Though brief, these emotional reactions can teach therapists and their clients a lot about not only the root of recurring arguments but what can be done to address them.<\/span>\u00c2\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Stages of EFT Couples Counseling<\/a>\u00c2\u00a0<\/span>\u00c2\u00a0<\/span><\/h3>\n

EFT is typically administered over a finite number of sessions \u00e2\u20ac\u201c often ranging from eight to twenty \u00e2\u20ac\u201c with a few key phases demarcating the level of progress achieved:<\/span>\u00c2\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Stage 1: De-escalation<\/span>\u00c2\u00a0<\/span><\/h3>\n

Oftentimes, when a couple first begins counseling, there is a common communication cycle, where one person may lob a criticism \u00e2\u20ac\u201c intentional or not \u00e2\u20ac\u201c at their partner, who subsequently responds defensively (intentional or not). These exchanges often escalate to the point where it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s hard to resolve the original discussion that surfaced, to begin with. <\/span>\u00c2\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

In the de-escalation phase, each couple should become aware of how they each play a role in perpetuating emotional distress in such exchanges.<\/span>\u00c2\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Stage 2: Restructuring<\/span>\u00c2\u00a0<\/span><\/h3>\n

Once couples have an understanding of how their actions impact the other person, therapists will start introducing guidance on alternative ways of responding, all with the intention that these prompts or questions will help each partner become more curious and empathetic to the other\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s feelings. <\/span><\/p>\n

The main goal of this stage is that each person in the relationship feels more comfortable being emotionally vulnerable and accepting their partner\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s emotional and attachment needs. <\/span><\/p>\n

Stage 3: Consolidation<\/span><\/h3>\n

Once deeper trust is established in the second stage, therapists will help couples navigate ways to more effectively communicate, which includes ways to better express their needs. Some level of conflict will always be a part of every relationship, but enhancing our ways of discussing old problems and disagreeing in the future is the key to reducing tension and building trust.\u00c2\u00a0<\/span>\u00c2\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Things to Consider<\/span><\/b>\u00c2\u00a0<\/span><\/h2>\n

While this applies to various therapeutic approaches, couples therapy can bring negative emotions to the forefront, particularly those that individuals have suppressed or been loath to confront for a long period of time.\u00c2\u00a0<\/span>\u00c2\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Emotion-focused therapy, especially during relationship counseling, requires us to address difficult feelings, behaviors, and thought patterns head on. While this may feel vulnerable and at times even painful, it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s also best to do so in the presence of a trained mental health professional who can help process raw, emotional wounds in a healthy way. <\/span>\u00c2\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

There is no one-size-fits-all approach when it comes to couples counseling, as each relationship comprises different challenges and experiences. But some therapeutic strategies have proven to be particularly effective when untangling stressful, tense partner dynamics. \u00c2\u00a0 Emotion-focused therapy, in particular, is one of the most commonly used tactics that relationship counselors use to help couples […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3201,"featured_media":43021,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_uf_show_specific_survey":0,"_uf_disable_surveys":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1,542,2095,628,1762],"tags":[561,858,2128,464,1446],"class_list":["post-43019","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized","category-featured-articles","category-find-therapist","category-general","category-relationships","tag-couples-marriage-counseling","tag-couples-counseling","tag-eft","tag-emotion-focused-therapy","tag-marriage-and-relationship-issues"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/43019","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3201"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=43019"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/43019\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/43021"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=43019"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=43019"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=43019"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}