{"id":42909,"date":"2024-03-21T10:54:11","date_gmt":"2024-03-21T14:54:11","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/?p=42909"},"modified":"2024-03-25T14:17:14","modified_gmt":"2024-03-25T18:17:14","slug":"below-the-surface-why-women-helpers-struggle","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/below-the-surface-why-women-helpers-struggle\/","title":{"rendered":"Below the Surface: Why Women Helpers Struggle"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><span data-contrast=\"auto\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignright wp-image-42911\" src=\"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/03\/AdobeStock_569895939-300x187.jpeg\" alt=\"Why Women Helpers Struggle\" width=\"440\" height=\"274\" title=\"\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/03\/AdobeStock_569895939-300x187.jpeg 300w, https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/03\/AdobeStock_569895939-800x498.jpeg 800w, https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/03\/AdobeStock_569895939-1536x956.jpeg 1536w, https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/03\/AdobeStock_569895939-2048x1274.jpeg 2048w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 440px) 100vw, 440px\" \/>Women who work in the helping field face unique challenges.\u00a0 You were probably drawn to this field because empathy comes naturally to you.\u00a0 Helping professionals want a job that is meaningful and helping people in need is very fulfilling.\u00a0 Unfortunately, women tend to give too much for a variety of reasons, putting their mental health at risk.\u00a0 Let&#8217;s explore some of the reasons this happens.<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{}\">\u00a0<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span data-contrast=\"auto\">What are some common problems women helpers face?<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/h2>\n<ul>\n<li><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Anxiety<\/span><\/li>\n<li>Unchecked personal stress<\/li>\n<li>Lack of self-care<\/li>\n<li>Putting everyone else first<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;Lone wolf&#8221;<span data-ccp-props=\"{}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h3><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Anxiety<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/h3>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"auto\">The demands of a helping career can <a href=\"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/learn-about-therapy\/issues\/anxiety\">create a lot of anxiety<\/a>.\u00a0 Helping work is often unpredictable because we&#8217;re dealing with human beings who are often in high-stress situations.\u00a0 Employers and co-workers can also be a source of stress, especially if we aren&#8217;t meeting their expectations or don&#8217;t fit in.\u00a0 This can lead to dreading the work day, trouble sleeping, trouble relaxing in your free time, and feeling very drained when the work day is over.\u00a0 <\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Unchecked Personal Stress<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/h3>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"auto\">It&#8217;s likely that if you are good at helping people in your job, you&#8217;re also good at helping people in your personal life.\u00a0 Friends, family members, spouses, children &#8211; they all come to you with their personal problems and demands.\u00a0 If you identify strongly with the helper identity, you may feel obligated to put your needs aside and be there for them. It&#8217;s admirable, but not sustainable.<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Lack of Self-Care<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/h3>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"auto\">I&#8217;m not talking about luxuries like vacations, spa days, or a shopping spree here.\u00a0 I&#8217;m talking about <a href=\"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/learn-about-therapy\/issues\/self-care\">basic self-care<\/a> like eating, drinking enough water, and making time for rest throughout the workday. It sounds simple, but when you&#8217;re stressed it&#8217;s easy to put these things off until after work.\u00a0 Unfortunately, this keeps your body in a state of panic and you will crash when you get home.\u00a0 If you find yourself <a href=\"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/psychpedia\/binge-eating\">binge eating<\/a> after a long day of work, taking naps, or needing caffeine to get through the evening, you might be lacking basic self-care during the work day.<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Putting Everyone Else First<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/h3>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Are you working on someone else&#8217;s time clock?\u00a0 Many helping professionals work in fast-paced environments where they are expected to see clients from morning to night, be available for crises, keep up with overwhelming paperwork demands, or be in meetings all day long and somehow make time for projects.\u00a0 It&#8217;s not fair, but you want to be perceived as strong and capable so you strive to meet those demands.\u00a0 This might be okay for a while, but you are going to get burned out and resentful at some point.<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{}\">\u00a0<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><span data-contrast=\"auto\">&#8220;Lone Wolf&#8221;<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/h3>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Lone Wolf employees want others to see them as strong and capable.\u00a0 They don&#8217;t ask for help, they don&#8217;t share their emotions, they don&#8217;t complain, and they don&#8217;t interact much with their co-workers. There is a wall up &#8211; likely as a survival mechanism however, it could hold you back from future career success. Making social connections is an important part of advancing your career.\u00a0 If you want to make a change, you will need connections like references, letters of recommendation, or maybe just peer support.\u00a0 <\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Do you see yourself in any of these areas?\u00a0 Maybe all of them?\u00a0 If you find yourself being judgmental or critical of yourself, pause for a moment, and let&#8217;s try to get curious about why you struggle in these areas by examining some underlying themes. <\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Underlying factors:<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/h2>\n<ul>\n<li><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Worthlessness<\/span><\/li>\n<li>Trauma<\/li>\n<li>Cultural Influences<\/li>\n<li>ADHD<span data-ccp-props=\"{}\">\u00a0<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h3><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Worthlessness\u00a0<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/h3>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"auto\">If you are struggling with feeling worthy in your personal life, but excel in your work life, you might start to use your job as a way to <a href=\"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/learn-about-therapy\/issues\/worthlessness\">cope with feelings of worthlessness<\/a>. This can set you up for perfectionistic thinking.\u00a0 You can&#8217;t make a mistake without being very ashamed of yourself.\u00a0 You struggle with unrealistic expectations and boundaries, which can make you vulnerable to exploitation by employers and even clients.\u00a0 You focus on being liked over being respected.<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{}\">\u00a0<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Trauma<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/h3>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Many <a href=\"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/psychpedia\/trauma\">people with trauma<\/a> histories are drawn to the helping field.\u00a0 It can be very healing for survivors to help others, but it can also set you up for over-empathizing with your clients.\u00a0 This could lead to overworking and poor boundaries.\u00a0 You start to rescue people instead of empowering them to discover their own path. You don&#8217;t trust that other people can do this work.<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Experiencing trauma directly or even indirectly also changes your beliefs about the world. Working with people who are suffering can create or reinforce beliefs about the world being a terrible place. You might start to feel powerless, helpless, and hopeless.<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Cultural Influences<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/h3>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"auto\">In today&#8217;s culture, women are barraged with rigid expectations and there is a very small window for error.\u00a0 Expectations like &#8211; being assertive, not aggressive; being friendly but not overly emotional; being knowledgeable but not arrogant; being flexible but not weak. All of this pressure can lead to perfectionism, which is when you strive to achieve impossible expectations and feel shame when you don&#8217;t achieve them. Being a woman of color increases the pressure because you have to work even harder against prejudice and discrimination.\u00a0 Many women of color have to hide aspects of themselves to be perceived positively in the workplace.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Could you have ADHD?<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"auto\">It&#8217;s pretty well known that women with ADHD are underdiagnosed.\u00a0 I&#8217;m not an expert in this area, but here are some observations I&#8217;ve made among clients and co-workers.\u00a0 <a href=\"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/learn-about-therapy\/issues\/adhd\">If you think you have ADHD<\/a>, I would encourage you to seek out neuro-psych testing or an evaluation by a provider that specializes in ADHD.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Symptoms of ADHD in the Workplace<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/h3>\n<ul>\n<li data-leveltext=\"\u25cf\" data-font=\"\" data-listid=\"1\" data-list-defn-props=\"{&quot;335552541&quot;:1,&quot;335559685&quot;:720,&quot;335559991&quot;:360,&quot;469769242&quot;:[8226],&quot;469777803&quot;:&quot;left&quot;,&quot;469777804&quot;:&quot;\u25cf&quot;,&quot;469777815&quot;:&quot;multilevel&quot;}\" aria-setsize=\"-1\" data-aria-posinset=\"1\" data-aria-level=\"1\"><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Being late to work very often<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n<li data-leveltext=\"\u25cf\" data-font=\"\" data-listid=\"1\" data-list-defn-props=\"{&quot;335552541&quot;:1,&quot;335559685&quot;:720,&quot;335559991&quot;:360,&quot;469769242&quot;:[8226],&quot;469777803&quot;:&quot;left&quot;,&quot;469777804&quot;:&quot;\u25cf&quot;,&quot;469777815&quot;:&quot;multilevel&quot;}\" aria-setsize=\"-1\" data-aria-posinset=\"1\" data-aria-level=\"1\"><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Procrastinating on tasks you find tedious and then rushing to catch up at the last minute<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n<li data-leveltext=\"\u25cf\" data-font=\"\" data-listid=\"1\" data-list-defn-props=\"{&quot;335552541&quot;:1,&quot;335559685&quot;:720,&quot;335559991&quot;:360,&quot;469769242&quot;:[8226],&quot;469777803&quot;:&quot;left&quot;,&quot;469777804&quot;:&quot;\u25cf&quot;,&quot;469777815&quot;:&quot;multilevel&quot;}\" aria-setsize=\"-1\" data-aria-posinset=\"1\" data-aria-level=\"1\"><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Easily distracted with socializing<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n<li data-leveltext=\"\u25cf\" data-font=\"\" data-listid=\"1\" data-list-defn-props=\"{&quot;335552541&quot;:1,&quot;335559685&quot;:720,&quot;335559991&quot;:360,&quot;469769242&quot;:[8226],&quot;469777803&quot;:&quot;left&quot;,&quot;469777804&quot;:&quot;\u25cf&quot;,&quot;469777815&quot;:&quot;multilevel&quot;}\" aria-setsize=\"-1\" data-aria-posinset=\"1\" data-aria-level=\"1\"><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Impatience and conflict with co-workers or supervisors<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n<li data-leveltext=\"\u25cf\" data-font=\"\" data-listid=\"1\" data-list-defn-props=\"{&quot;335552541&quot;:1,&quot;335559685&quot;:720,&quot;335559991&quot;:360,&quot;469769242&quot;:[8226],&quot;469777803&quot;:&quot;left&quot;,&quot;469777804&quot;:&quot;\u25cf&quot;,&quot;469777815&quot;:&quot;multilevel&quot;}\" aria-setsize=\"-1\" data-aria-posinset=\"1\" data-aria-level=\"1\"><span data-contrast=\"auto\">Work missing details or getting hyperfocused on unnecessary details<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><span data-contrast=\"auto\">So check in and see, how are you feeling now?\u00a0 My hope is that you understand yourself a little bit better and are feeling less judgmental.\u00a0 You might think you&#8217;re the only one who has these problems but I assure you that you&#8217;re not alone.\u00a0 These issues are very common among professional helping women and we don&#8217;t talk about them enough.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><span data-ccp-props=\"{}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span data-ccp-props=\"{}\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Women who work in the helping field face unique challenges.? You were probably drawn to this field because empathy comes naturally to you.? Helping professionals want a job that is meaningful and helping people in need is very fulfilling.? Unfortunately, women tend to give too much for a variety of reasons, putting their mental health [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3201,"featured_media":42910,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_uf_show_specific_survey":0,"_uf_disable_surveys":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1,1899,628,1893],"tags":[183,696,2127,244],"class_list":["post-42909","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized","category-for-therapists","category-general","category-womens-issues","tag-anxiety","tag-health-care","tag-women-in-therapy","tag-womens-issues"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/42909","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3201"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=42909"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/42909\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/42910"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=42909"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=42909"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=42909"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}