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by Nicole Urdang, Licensed Mental Health Counselor, MS, NCC, DHM,<\/a> in Buffalo, NY<\/span><\/p>\n I have an interpretation of the five remembrances I like to imagine. In it, the Buddha tells his monks about the five remembrances.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n He gathers them together early one morning and says, \u201cEvery day, before you get out of bed, I want you to remember these five things:<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cI am of the nature to get sick and there is nothing I can do about it.<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cI am of the nature to grow old and there is nothing I can do to change that.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cI am of the nature to die and everything living eventually dies.<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cEveryone I love everything I care about, including myself, is of the nature to change.<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cAll I have are the fruits of my labors.\u201d(1)<\/span><\/p>\n The monks look at him incredulously and say, \u201cAre you kidding? That\u2019s really depressing. Why would we want to start our day like that?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n And the Buddha replies, \u201cBecause all of these things will happen. By acknowledging them every day and reminding yourself they are inevitable, you\u2019re preparing yourself mentally and emotionally for life. You will not be surprised when difficulties appear. You still have to deal with them, but not with the additional pain of shock and anger that can come from denying reality.<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cBy understanding these are universal truths, you will not feel singled out for misery.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n We live in a culture of denial and distraction. We deny hunger, homelessness, and suffering; so, naturally, we deny our own <\/span>aging bodies<\/a>.<\/span><\/p>\n In the short run, this can feel beneficial, as it allows us to maintain the fiction that we are not moving towards an ultimate departure. But we are.<\/span><\/p>\n I think it\u2019s far easier to adjust in little daily increments than to just suddenly be walloped with the realization that you have grown old. After all, you only have two choices: <\/span>growing old<\/a> or being dead.<\/span><\/p>\n Denial<\/a> is hard to sustain forever. Eventually, the pigeons come home to roost. Then what? Then the shock is even greater.<\/span><\/p>\n It\u2019s not easy growing old in a culture that decries it. The highest compliment someone can pay an older person is that they look young.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n It\u2019s not easy being human. It\u2019s not easy growing older. The body does not get healthier as we age. There is a natural decline. This is life. Yes, it\u2019s challenging. But denying it doesn\u2019t make the challenges disappear. As a matter of fact, it\u2019s a Sisyphean task to stem the tide of time. Ultimately, decrepitude and death win. Why not embrace the change? Why not give yourself all the cosmic permission slips that come with growing older? And what might they be \u2014 The joy of slowing down? The joy of caring less about what other people think of you? The joy of choosing what you want to do with your day? The joy of being rather than doing?<\/span><\/p>\n I don\u2019t know about you, but I don\u2019t want my tombstone to read she looked young until the day she died. <\/span>What do you want to be remembered for?\u00a0<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n By allowing yourself to be fully present<\/a> in whatever moment you\u2019re experiencing, even if that\u2019s aging naturally, you fully inhabit something new. This gives you the opportunity to create, explore, and celebrate an evolving version of yourself.<\/span><\/p>\n Of course, aging with awareness creates a huge shift in your self-perception on all levels: physically, emotionally, relationally, vocationally, financially, even spiritually. Youth and middle age had their challenges and delights. Aging simply has different discoveries and joys. By allowing them to work their magic, you can open up space to become a different version of yourself. This is heavy lifting in a society that exalts youth and extroversion, but it can be done.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cBe You\u201d is the appropriate T-shirt design for any age. Trying to be the you you were years ago is frustrating, even depressing, and doesn\u2019t allow you to fully embrace the you you are becoming with each new experience, including aging.<\/span><\/p>\n Give yourself the biggest gift you can: Love yourself just as you are this minute. If that seems impossible, have <\/span>compassion for yourself<\/a> as you learn to not just accept, but embrace different life lessons and experiences.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\nAging Wisely: Insight from the Buddha<\/span><\/h1>\n
Aging in the 21st Century\u00a0<\/span><\/h2>\n
Denial Doesn\u2019t Work<\/span><\/h3>\n
3 Ways to Find Freedom Through Acceptance\u00a0<\/span><\/h2>\n
1. Be Present<\/span><\/h3>\n
2. Be Aware<\/span><\/h3>\n
3. Be Yourself<\/span><\/h3>\n
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Did you know there are psychotherapists with special expertise in helping you navigate your elder years? To find one near you, search for a therapist near you<\/a>\u00a0and filter your results by Age Group of Client(s) > Elders<\/strong> or Common Specialties > All other issues > Aging and Geriatric Issues.\u00a0<\/strong><\/h3>\n<\/blockquote>\n
Footnotes<\/span><\/h2>\n