{"id":40707,"date":"2019-11-27T06:00:35","date_gmt":"2019-11-27T14:00:35","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/?p=40707"},"modified":"2024-01-22T15:48:42","modified_gmt":"2024-01-22T20:48:42","slug":"how-to-develop-healthy-relationships-with-dependent-personality","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/how-to-develop-healthy-relationships-with-dependent-personality-1127197","title":{"rendered":"How to Develop Healthy Relationships with Dependent Personality"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"GirlfriendsDependency on others is the hallmark characteristic of dependent personality disorder (DPD)<\/a>. This can create problems within relationships<\/a>, since nearly all adult relationships need a degree of interdependence to be considered healthy. Interdependence, simply put, means the people in the relationship maintain their sense of self while working together to meet each other\u2019s needs as well as their own.<\/p>\n

If you live with DPD, you may have an intense and overwhelming need for others to take care of you, so much so that you fear being abandoned or left alone. To avoid the possibility of abandonment<\/a>, you might find yourself going out of your way to make certain you have the continued support of your romantic partner, family members, or friends. This might cause you to go to great lengths to please them, often by doing things you\u2019d prefer not to do.<\/p>\n

This behavior may seem to help you get your needs met, but it often leads to unhealthy or imbalanced relationships. You might end up staying with a partner who isn\u2019t right for you, or even one who\u2019s toxic or takes advantage of you, simply because you don\u2019t want to be alone.<\/p>\n

But it is possible to build healthy relationships when you have DPD. Awareness of the condition, and how it affects your interactions with others, is a good first step.<\/p>\n

If you live with DPD, you may have an intense and overwhelming need for others to take care of you, so much so that you fear being abandoned or left alone.<\/span><\/p>\n

What Is Dependent Personality?<\/h2>\n

In basic terms, dependent personality means you rely on other people to take care of you. You might experience serious distress at the thought of having to do things on your own, because you don\u2019t think you can care for yourself. You might feel helpless or unable to make decisions for yourself\u2014both significant decisions, like the career you choose, and minor decisions, like what you\u2019ll make for dinner.<\/p>\n

You might lack well-developed self-esteem<\/a> and have little confidence<\/a> in your own abilities. This can contribute to beliefs like, \u201cI can\u2019t do anything myself,\u201d \u201cSomeone else can do a better job,\u201d or \u201cIf I upset them, they\u2019ll leave me.\u201d Because you need continued support from loved ones, you may withhold normal, healthy responses, like anger<\/a>, frustration, or disagreement, even if they do something problematic or upsetting.<\/p>\n

This condition is diagnosed in adulthood, and only in people who do have the ability to make decisions on their own without excessively depending on others. People sometimes experience dependency as a result of a health condition or other mental health condition, and this isn\u2019t quite the same as DPD. It\u2019s also important to note that people in abusive relationships may display traits that seem similar to those associated with DPD, such as extreme submissiveness or fear of disagreeing with the abuser. If these behaviors only happen in the abusive situation, DPD wouldn\u2019t be diagnosed.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s important to understand these characteristics aren\u2019t your fault. Personality disorders<\/a> are complicated issues that develop from a multitude of factors, and it\u2019s not always easy to recognize there\u2019s something problematic about your behavior. These traits are ingrained\u2014a part of your personality\u2014and they can be difficult to change. But change is possible.<\/p>\n

Romantic Relationships and DPD<\/h2>\n

There\u2019s nothing wrong with consulting your romantic partner about decisions you make, especially those affecting you both. In fact, this is pretty normal (and beneficial) in a healthy relationship. What sets this type of dependency apart from DPD? In a healthy relationship, you don\u2019t wholly depend on your partner. You ask their advice, consider it, then make a decision that works for both of you.<\/p>\n

If you have DPD, it may seem natural to turn to your partner for help with decisions, since you may feel incapable of doing anything alone. You might ask them to choose what stores you shop at, what kind of clothing you buy, what you do with your free time, and whether you should go for a promotion. You might harbor your own opinions about these choices, your partner\u2019s behavior, or other issues that pop up in daily life. But because you worry expressing your true feelings will lead to disapproval and withdrawn support from the people who take care of you, you don\u2019t say what you truly feel. This can eventually diminish your sense of self.<\/p>\n

If these behaviors resonate with you, it can help to practice making your own decisions in your relationship. A caring partner can support you by:<\/p>\n