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We all know perfection is an illusion. If perfection is unattainable and unrealistic, why do so many people strive to achieve it, setting themselves up for a perpetuating cycle of disappointment and shame?<\/p>\nWe all know perfection is an illusion. If perfection is unattainable and unrealistic, why do so many people strive to achieve it, setting themselves up for a perpetuating cycle of disappointment and shame?<\/p>\n
For many perfectionists, there is an underlying fear that they are not \u201cgood enough,” \u201cwon\u2019t succeed,” or \u201cwon\u2019t be loved\u201d if they don\u2019t strive for perfection. At its core, perfectionism may essentially be an act of disowning our true selves. It\u2019s often a coping mechanism for shame and inadequacy. Perfectionism thrives in convincing us that striving for it will make us our “best self,” when in reality, it can cause us to play small and take us away from our true selves.<\/p>\n
Perfectionism can be like a coach who initially appears to want you to succeed, but then berates you, makes you practice to the point of exhaustion, and yells at you when you try to take a break. You may think that without this type of pressure, you won\u2019t be able to achieve your goals\u2060\u2014 but the opposite is actually true. If you allow yourself to rest, acknowledge your progress, and engage in positive self-talk, you\u2019re much less likely to burn out and more likely to achieve your goals without sacrificing your health and quality of life along the way.<\/p>\n
Perfectionism can be like a coach who initially appears to want you to succeed, but then berates you, makes you practice to the point of exhaustion, and yells at you when you try to take a break.<\/span><\/p>\n If you\u2019re struggling with perfectionism, it\u2019s important to keep in mind that it doesn\u2019t go away overnight and that it takes time to learn how to overcome perfectionism. Below are seven tips to help you learn how to start letting go of perfectionism and be kinder to yourself.<\/p>\n It can be helpful to identify the underlying beliefs and rules that drive your behavior. For example, many perfectionists<\/a> have an underlying belief that they are not \u201cgood enough.\u201d As a result of this belief, they may adhere to certain rules and all-or-nothing thinking such as \u201cI must be perfect or I will be rejected<\/a>,\u201d or \u201cI must be perfect or I will fail.\u201d Often these beliefs and rules were formed in childhood. Bringing awareness to these beliefs and rules as well as how they impact different areas of your life can be the first key in the process of deprogramming these beliefs.<\/p>\n Take some time to honestly evaluate your expectations. It\u2019s not realistic to expect that you will never fail or make mistakes because you are human, and you will inevitably make mistakes as we all do. Consider how you can create more realistic expectations for yourself. When you create realistic expectations, you are able to meet them. You’ll also build up your self-trust and self-confidence<\/a>, two tools that can help you combat perfectionism.<\/p>\n Perfectionism often leads to loss. These losses include: loss of quality time spent with others, loss of enjoying the present moment, and loss of connection with oneself. Many perfectionists struggle with modifying their standards due to fear<\/a> they will fail as a result. Reflecting about what perfectionism has cost you in different areas of your life can help you realize that the costs outweigh the benefits. This realization can help boost your motivation to tackle perfectionism and be a helpful reminder for those times you feel tempted to give in to your inner critic<\/a>.<\/p>\n If perfectionism were a physical illness, doctors would most certainly prescribe self-compassion as a way to treat it.<\/span><\/p>\n One of the most helpful ways to combat one\u2019s inner critic and address perfectionism head-on is to practice self-compassion<\/a> regularly. If perfectionism were a physical illness, doctors would most certainly prescribe self-compassion as a way to treat it.<\/p>\n Perfectionists are often their own worst critic. While they can be compassionate<\/a> towards others, they may have difficulty being supportive of themselves. When you\u2019re feeling critical towards yourself, some questions that can help you increase your self-compassion are:<\/p>\n Certain meditations can also help increase your self-compassion.<\/p>\n Individuals who struggle with perfectionism often over-prepare and actively avoid making mistakes or putting themselves in situations where they may be bad at something. This fear can hold them back from learning that mistakes do not define their self-worth<\/a> and most likely won’t cause others to reject them. It can be helpful to engage in activities you fear you will be bad at. Think of these activities as experiments that can help you practice letting go of unrealistic expectations and build resilience. This can be an anxiety<\/a>-provoking process that takes time, but it can ultimately be very freeing for many perfectionists.<\/p>\n Perfectionism thrives in silence and isolation<\/a>. Often perfectionists are surprised to find many others struggle with similar issues once they start opening up about it; this can reduce the feelings of shame<\/a> that typically accompany perfectionism. Start by identifying one person in your life that you trust, and share with them about some of your struggles. The more you practice being vulnerable with people whom you trust, the less isolated you will feel, and the freer you may become.<\/p>\n Social media contributes to frequent social comparison, which can exacerbate perfectionism. Try taking a break from technology for a half or full day and see how you feel. When you start using social media after the break, notice how you feel. Are you engaging in social comparison and feeling \u201cnot good enough?” If so, consider implementing a regular break from social media a few times per week.<\/p>\n Keep in mind that it\u2019s helpful to have realistic expectations for yourself as you\u2019re working on your perfectionism\u2014it\u2019s a process that takes time. If you find yourself getting stuck during the process, it can be helpful to find a therapist<\/a> who specializes in perfectionism and can help you combat your inner critic.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Perfectionism often comes hand in hand with isolation, shame, and loss. Here’s how to overcome perfectionism with the help of resilience and self-compassion.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3160,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_uf_show_specific_survey":0,"_uf_disable_surveys":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[542,623],"tags":[543,25,547],"class_list":["post-40328","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-featured-articles","category-issues-treated","tag-perfectionism","tag-psychotherapy-issues","tag-self-compassion"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/40328","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3160"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=40328"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/40328\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=40328"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=40328"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=40328"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}7 Tips to Overcome Perfectionism<\/h2>\n
1. Identify the beliefs and rules that drive your perfectionism.<\/h3>\n
2. Honestly evaluate your expectations.<\/h3>\n
3. Acknowledge the costs of perfectionism.<\/h3>\n
4. Practice self-compassion.<\/h3>\n
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5. Engage in activities that build resilience.<\/h3>\n
6. Reach out for support from others.<\/h3>\n
7. Reduce your social media use.<\/h3>\n