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Confronting difficult emotions like anger, sadness, and disappointment can be painful. It\u2019s even harder to address those emotions in our relationships with others.<\/p>\nConfronting difficult emotions like anger, sadness, and disappointment can be painful. It\u2019s even harder to address those emotions in our relationships with others.<\/p>\n
Passive aggression allows people to subtly vocalize their negative emotions without directly addressing the source of the discomfort. While passive-aggressive behavior can feel good and even righteous, it slowly erodes relationships, eliminating any chance of fixing the underlying problem.<\/p>\n
Passive aggression<\/a> allows people to give voice to uncomfortable emotions without directly tackling the source of the problem. People may behave passive-aggressively for many reasons, including:<\/p>\n “Passive aggression is an obstacle standing in the way of emotional intimacy.”<\/span><\/p>\n “Passive aggression is a tactic people use to show their angry feelings in a seemingly non-combative, consequence-free way,\u201d says Andrea Brandt, PhD, MFT<\/a>, a therapist in Santa Monica, California<\/a>. \u201cWhen you have a deep fear of conflict, passive aggression is a way to cope with your anger while avoiding a fight. Instead of telling your partner they\u2019ve upset you or aren\u2019t meeting your needs, you give them the cold shoulder. But, when you don\u2019t ask for what you need, the odds of getting your needs met are greatly reduced. Passive aggression is an obstacle standing in the way of emotional intimacy.”<\/p>\n You may be at risk of engaging in passive-aggressive behavior if you feel unable to share your emotions. Some risk factors for passive aggression include:<\/p>\n Some examples of passive-aggressive behavior include:<\/p>\n Some hallmarks of direct, effective, non passive-aggressive behavior include:<\/p>\n Sometimes practicing direct communication in a nonthreatening setting is helpful for eliminating passive-aggressive behavior.<\/span><\/p>\n Passive-aggressive behavior is inherently self-defeating. It fuels conflict and resentment<\/a>. Over time, this decreases the likelihood that direct communication will be successful. It also erodes trust and communication and can make a person seem unreasonable and hostile when the real problem is communication style, not emotions.<\/p>\n The first step toward eliminating passive aggression is to understand its source. Is the passive aggression limited to a specific relationship, or a widespread form of coping? Do certain situations trigger<\/a> passive-aggressive behavior? Are you aware of when you are being passive-aggressive? What happens when you communicate more directly? Sometimes practicing direct communication in a nonthreatening setting is helpful for eliminating passive-aggressive behavior.<\/p>\n For some people, passive aggression can become so integrated into their personality that it undermines most relationships. Passive-aggressive personality disorder, sometimes called negativistic personality disorder, is characterized by a widespread avoidance of direct communication. People with this personality diagnosis may have a long pattern of troubled relationships and may feel resentful about reasonable demands to directly communicate without hostility. This personality diagnosis is neither well-researched nor well-understood, and it is not listed in the DSM-5<\/em>.<\/p>\n Therapy can help people identify harmful communication styles and establish better communication. Couples counseling<\/a> may help when a relationship is so destructive or filled with conflict that partners don\u2019t feel safe talking directly to one another. Individual counseling can help people identify the reasons for passive-aggressive communication and rehearse more effective strategies.<\/p>\n\n
Passive-Aggressive Test: Signs of Passive-Aggressive Behavior<\/h2>\n
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How to Stop Being Passive-Aggressive in a Relationship<\/h2>\n