![\"Woman](\"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/10\/sunrise-beach-with-birds-Copy-300x200.jpg\" "\\"\\"")
Emotional regulation is the foundation of who we are, how we think, and how we relate to the world around us. For some people, emotions can feel so strong that they overpower their ability to effectively deal with everyday life. For others, knowledge of what they are feeling can be elusive.<\/p>\n
The road to healthy emotional regulation requires us first to be able to identify what we are feeling at any moment in time. Often, the help of a therapist<\/a> will support you on your journey to healthy emotional regulation.<\/p>\n First, it may be worth examining how many, if not most, people think about emotional content. The messages received during our formative years give rise to many current beliefs. The essayist and novelist, George Santayana, said, \u201cThose who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.\u201d In light of this apparent truth, what can be said about messages absorbed in earlier years that fly in the face of the facts?<\/p>\n It often appears that perceptions of truth define reality in the sense that our learned beliefs about self and others become so ingrained that they often go unchallenged and take on a life of their own. Such may be the case with our emotions<\/a>\u2014they may be categorized as good or bad, negative or positive. By categorizing emotions in this way, we may consciously or subconsciously attach more value to some emotions while negating, minimizing, or avoiding others.<\/p>\n This selective approach to categorizing emotions has far-reaching effects on how we deal with a wide range of emotional content, including our ability or willingness to accept what feels uncomfortable. By seeking out so-called \u201cgood emotions,\u201d we may neglect uncomfortable or painful emotions including worry<\/a>, fear<\/a>, frustration, anger<\/a>, rage<\/a>, bitterness, resentment<\/a>, sadness<\/a>, hopelessness<\/a>, and helplessness<\/a>, to name a few. \u00a0It can be argued that establishing a dichotomy or differentiation of good vs. bad emotions inhibits emotional and mental health.<\/p>\n Much is known about the deleterious effects of stuffing one\u2019s emotions, and the same can be said about the harmful effects of burying uncomfortable or painful emotions. In order to establish good emotional health, all emotions must be given a voice. Keeping in mind this framework of viewing the entire range of emotions with equal value or validity, we can now explore three steps to emotional regulation.<\/p>\n In order to establish good emotional health, all emotions must be given a voice.<\/span><\/p>\n The task of identifying what you are feeling is not always simple. It requires the ability to be present in, versus running from, the moment. In today’s society, many people are \u201chuman doings\u201d rather than \u201chuman beings.\u201d The former refers to humans constantly in motion, doing this and doing that, while the latter involves sitting in the present and allowing oneself to feel what one feels, regardless of whether it\u2019s comfortable or uncomfortable.<\/p>\n There are many different ways of becoming mindful of one\u2019s emotions. One way is by referring to a feelings chart, which can be downloaded and printed online.\u00a0 Another way is through a feelings journal<\/a>, which is a written record of emotions experienced during the course of a day along with, perhaps, information on possible trigger<\/a> events or situations.<\/p>\n Once you’ve identified your emotions at a particular moment, you can give yourself permission to feel what you\u2019re feeling. Even for people who can identify how they feel at any given moment, this latter part can be perplexing.\u00a0 After all, if I allow myself to feel what I am feeling, isn\u2019t there the risk of getting stuck in that emotion? If I identify that I\u2019m feeling \u201cdepressed<\/a>,\u201d isn\u2019t it dangerous to allow myself to sit in that feeling? And if I get out of my head by doing something counter to my current thinking, isn\u2019t that better than allowing myself to be sucked into that emotion?<\/p>\n While getting out of your head through contrary action seems practical on the surface, many people take an immediate leap towards action without fully acknowledging what they are feeling. Identifying what you are feeling isn\u2019t the same as accepting or giving yourself permission to feel uncomfortable or painful feelings. Much of human behavior is directed towards avoiding pain and discomfort, and this can become our frame of reference when approaching challenges in our lives.<\/p>\n What would happen if we were fully present and open to the idea of not only identifying each and every felt emotion, but treating each emotional experience as \u201cinformation\u201d rather than something to be avoided? In taking this alternative approach, we can better understand our relationship with our emotions as they relate to ingrained messages from our past that have gone largely unchallenged in the present.<\/p>\n What would happen if we were fully present and open to the idea of not only identifying each and every felt emotion, but treating each emotional experience as \u201cinformation\u201d rather than something to be avoided?<\/span><\/p>\n Now that you\u2019ve identified what you’re feeling at any particular moment in time and have given yourself permission to feel what you\u2019re feeling rather than avoiding or running away from it because it’s painful or unpleasant, the second step asks, \u201cWhy do I think that I\u2019m feeling the way I feel?\u201d In other words, are there any situations or triggers you can think of that may cause your particular feelings to occur?<\/p>\n Triggers can include, but are not limited to, phone calls, letters, conversations or arguments, thoughts, images, things you may have observed, or something you were exposed to. These triggers may be guided by messages absorbed from your past. This information can help you better understand your relationship with your emotions because they offer insight into why particularly painful or uncomfortable emotions carry so much weight in your life.<\/p>\n Now that you have some tangible explanation as to why certain emotions may be so overpowering, you can practice the third step to emotional health.<\/p>\n This final step to healthy emotional regulation builds upon the first two steps. It assumes you have diligently identified what you are feeling at any given moment and given yourself permission to sit for a while in that emotion rather than running away from it. It also assumes you have given some serious thought to answering the question, \u201cWhy do I think that I\u2019m feeling the way I feel?<\/p>\n In step three, the dialogue goes like this: Once I\u2019ve identified what I\u2019m feeling at any given moment and given myself permission to feel that feeling, no matter how painful or uncomfortable it may feel, I can now engage in a behavior, or action, opposite to that emotion. As a practical example, say you identify with feeling depressed at any given moment. Using the three-step process to healthy emotional regulation, you will give yourself permission to sit in that emotion for a while. You can now examine your relationship with depression by understanding its connection to messages from your past\u2013many of which you may blindly accept without challenge\u2013as well as current triggers that keep you stuck in your depression.<\/p>\n The last step to this process is to engage in a behavior that will evoke a different, more supportive emotion. For example, when dealing with the feeling of depression, you may take a joy ride, go for a walk or swim, see a movie, connect with an old friend, or engage in some other activity that will evoke pleasant and potentially empowering emotions.<\/p>\n Healthy emotional regulation and positive change become possible by lifting the veils of secrecy, shame<\/a>, and fear that are attached to your emotions. With the assistance of a licensed and compassionate therapist or counselor<\/a>, you can take an introspective look into your history of (and relationship with) uncomfortable or painful emotions. This may allow you to engage in new behaviors that move you from feeling like a slave to emotions to a state of increased peace, joy, and purpose.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Experiencing and letting in difficult emotions is not always an easy feat, but doing so is often a first step to healthy emotional regulation. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3153,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_uf_show_specific_survey":0,"_uf_disable_surveys":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[628],"tags":[808],"class_list":["post-39436","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-general","tag-emotional-regulation"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/39436","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3153"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=39436"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/39436\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=39436"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=39436"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=39436"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}How We Perceive Our Emotions: A Background to Emotional Regulation<\/h2>\n
Step 1:\u00a0 What Am I Feeling in This Moment?<\/h2>\n
Step 2:\u00a0 Why Do I Feel Like This?<\/h2>\n
Step 3:\u00a0 Do Something Opposite To That Emotion<\/h2>\n