{"id":39307,"date":"2018-09-04T08:00:39","date_gmt":"2018-09-04T15:00:39","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/?p=39307"},"modified":"2018-10-10T12:47:28","modified_gmt":"2018-10-10T19:47:28","slug":"want-to-spice-up-your-sex-life-try-a-sexcation","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/want-to-spice-up-your-sex-life-try-a-sexcation-0904185","title":{"rendered":"Want to Spice Up Your Sex Life? Try a Sexcation!"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Middle-agedIn today\u2019s hectic world, the demands of life can end up dictating your relationship<\/a> rather than the other way around. Sexual intimacy<\/a> is often one of the casualties. Time, stress, and busy schedules make it difficult for couples to find time when both partners are interested and available for sex<\/a>.<\/p>\n

If you and your partner would like to have more or better sex, the first step is to prioritize it like you do other important things in your life. One way to kick start this new approach is to have a sexcation with your partner.<\/p>\n

A sexcation is a vacation that is solely dedicated to connecting intimately with your partner. Sexcations work well over a long weekend where you will have 3-4 days together away from the stress<\/a> of your normal life. Let\u2019s discuss how to plan your sexcation in order to maximize the chances that it will be a success.<\/p>\n

Step 1: Overcoming Obstacles<\/h2>\n

You may be thinking, \u201cI don\u2019t have the (time, money, childcare, energy, etc.) for a sexcation with my partner.\u201d It\u2019s entirely possible that now is not the right time for you to have a sexcation. But before jumping to that conclusion, I encourage you to consider your options with an open mind.<\/p>\n

Remember that a sexcation is not about extravagance. Rather, the main focus is creating a space for quality time together.<\/span>Let\u2019s start with time. How do you currently spend your time? Are you busy with kids, family visits, work, or projects? These are all important, but where does your relationship fit into that? Having a vibrant romantic relationship is something most people want, yet many of us do not give ourselves permission to truly prioritize it. If you are unable to coordinate consecutive days off together, start with one day and see how that goes.<\/p>\n

Let\u2019s consider the financial aspect. Remember that a sexcation is not about extravagance. Rather, the main focus is creating a space for quality time together. You could even plan a sexcation at your house if you are unable to travel.<\/p>\n

If childcare is an issue, I encourage you to think creatively about how to solve that problem. If you have a baby, you may be able to structure your time together around when the baby is sleeping. If you have toddlers or older children, perhaps they can stay with a friend or family member for the weekend.<\/p>\n

I know it won\u2019t be easy to navigate all these obstacles, but I have seen couples do it with persistence. The following instructions are designed to help you connect, or reconnect if you\u2019ve been distant from each other.<\/p>\n

Step 2: Creating Your Oasis<\/h2>\n

Once you have blocked out the time on your calendars and picked the location of your sex-cation, it\u2019s time to create your oasis. To do this, you may need to plan a buffer between the stress of normal life and your intimate time together. It may be best to plan for the first full day of your sexcation as a buffer day. If you only have one or two days total, you may need to shorten that period.<\/p>\n

During the buffer day, consider what you need to do to feel present with your partner. If you need to wrap up loose ends from the week, you can do so, but limit your work to no more than 1 hour, then set it aside for the rest of the time. You and your partner may also have unresolved conflicts from the week. *If* you feel you can discuss it in a calm and respectful manner, spend no more than 1 hour discussing the issue to come to a resolution or stopping point. If you cannot discuss it in a calm manner, make a contract with each other to set the issue aside while on your sexcation. This is not the time for bickering and fighting; it\u2019s time to reconnect and focus on the things you like about each other.<\/p>\n

Once you have wrapped up loose ends, each partner should engage in self-care<\/a> activities for the rest of the buffer day. One good recipe for self-care includes:<\/p>\n