{"id":39109,"date":"2018-08-03T06:00:42","date_gmt":"2018-08-03T13:00:42","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/?p=39109"},"modified":"2018-08-03T09:32:38","modified_gmt":"2018-08-03T16:32:38","slug":"annoyed-by-your-therapist-why-you-should-speak-your-mind","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/annoyed-by-therapist-why-you-should-speak-your-mind-0803184","title":{"rendered":"Annoyed by Your Therapist? Why You Should Speak Your Mind"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"WomanIn day-to-day life, we often spend a lot of time holding in the feelings and thoughts we have about others. These thoughts may be about people we love, someone we\u2019re in relationship<\/a> with, those we work with, or even just people we dislike but need to interact with regularly.<\/p>\n

Life is about relationships; the quality of those relationships can contribute to how fully alive and happy we get to be. The authenticity and honesty<\/a> in our closest relationships are strong markers for a healthy life\u2014but we still hold back.<\/p>\n

Why Do We Hold Back?<\/h2>\n

Part of the reason for this is maturity. Many of us know what it\u2019s like to be with a child who doesn\u2019t have a filter. They might tell a stranger that they\u2019re ugly or let Great-Aunt Abigail know that her birthday gift was the same as last year\u2019s\u2014and it wasn\u2019t appreciated then! This child hasn\u2019t yet learned that little white lies can be okay and that there are times we aren\u2019t blatantly honest in order to protect the feelings of others.<\/p>\n

Another contributing factor is that we can get so used to holding in our thoughts and feelings that we lose awareness of them. And when they do make it awareness, we often say, \u201cBah! It\u2019s not that big of a deal. Forget it.\u201d<\/p>\n

There goes another repressed<\/a> feeling.<\/p>\n

When Repressed Thoughts and Feelings Surface<\/h2>\n

Maybe we unload into a journal or speak with a friend or partner (not about them, but about each other.) Perhaps those feelings get displaced onto others, or even somatized<\/a> into physical symptoms. Suddenly, all the little things we didn\u2019t think were important are coming out in unexpected, unhelpful, and unhealthy ways.<\/p>\n

We must learn to bring into consciousness the small cuts that build up in our lives and hold us back from more intimate relationships.<\/span><\/p>\n

We think, \u201cOkay. Let\u2019s head to therapy! That will help with my anger<\/a>, anxiety<\/a>, or depression<\/a>.\u201d<\/p>\n

In a counseling session, we may talk about Great-Aunt Abigail\u2019s cheapness and how it seems to show how little she\u2019s cared for us all along. Maybe we talk about a demeaning boss with whom we can never express our full frustration. Perhaps we get to share about all our friends who willingly take and take but never seem to return all we do for them.<\/p>\n

Realizing Your Therapist Is Human<\/h2>\n

We should talk about all of these issues with our counselor. But over time, something else often becomes apparent: we discover our therapist is also a human being. We begin holding back the same kinds of thoughts and feelings from them.<\/p>\n

A few examples of these thoughts include:<\/p>\n