{"id":38131,"date":"2018-04-30T06:00:52","date_gmt":"2018-04-30T13:00:52","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/?p=38131"},"modified":"2018-04-30T11:07:27","modified_gmt":"2018-04-30T18:07:27","slug":"quieting-inner-critics-recognize-them-reject-them-affirm-yourself","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/quieting-inner-critics-recognize-them-reject-them-affirm-yourself-0430184","title":{"rendered":"Quieting Inner Critics: Recognize Them, Reject Them, Affirm Yourself"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"RearThose of us who experienced abuse<\/a> or neglect<\/a> in childhood often struggle with inner voices that are self-critical and self-rejecting. These inner critics, voices of guilt, shame, self-abuse and self-rejection, can be toxic to our emotional and spiritual well-being. Their purpose in childhood was to protect us. They may have prevented further harm from caretakers who were abusive, rejecting, critical, or non-nurturing in one way or another. Sometimes we may even create them in order to push ourselves to overcome a lack of self-confidence<\/a> or the inability to perform.<\/p>\n

When we carry these hurtful inner voices into adulthood, they can continue the harmful role of the abusive or non-nurturing parent. In order to guard against these voices and send them away from our present lives before they bring us down, we first must recognize them when they show up in our consciousness. If we can recognize them and name them before they affect us, we can\u00a0send them packing!<\/p>\n

Eight Toxic Voices<\/h2>\n

This list describes eight of the more toxic inner critics<\/a> that may show up in our consciousness from time to time:<\/p>\n

1. The Judge<\/strong>
\nThe Judge’s rigid and harsh view of morality has little nuance or compassion<\/a> for us. All about right and wrong behavior and seeing that we behave\u00a0“properly,” this inner voice\u00a0is often develops when we absorb the words of a moralistic and authoritarian parent into our consciousness.

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2.\u00a0The Accuser
\n<\/strong>Judge, jury, and executioner all rolled up into one, the Accuser does not wait and hover over us, looking out for our erring ways. This inner critic has\u00a0already made up its mind that we are guilty<\/a>, that we need to be punished.<\/p>\n

3. The Guilt Tripper
\n<\/strong>This inner voice\u00a0nags us about wrongs we have done and tells us we should feel bad about them. It is social conscience amped up about two magnitudes above where it should be. Instead of giving us social cues that could help us repair wrongs and mend relationships<\/a>, it keeps us in an anxious<\/a> state. In this state, we worry about having wronged someone and being in trouble for it instead of taking steps to fix our mistakes.<\/p>\n

4. The Projector
\n<\/strong>As its name implies, this voice projects our own inner disapproval of ourselves onto others. We think others are thinking negative things about us. But the thoughts we imagine they are thinking are typically grounded in our own criticism of ourselves.<\/p>\n

When dealing with critical (sometimes even bullying) internal voices, it is very useful to remember the following three action steps: recognize, reject, and affirm.<\/span><\/p>\n

5. The Shamer
\n<\/strong>This voice\u00a0tells us there is something fundamentally wrong, defective, bad, or shameful about us. These messages can give us a sense of hopelessness<\/a> about our condition. This inner voice may shame<\/a> us about parts of our nature that are part of who we are. If it is something we are not able to change, we may experience depression<\/a> and despair.<\/p>\n

6. The Rejecter
\n<\/strong>This inner voice tells us we are unworthy of being accepted by others, even ourselves. It tells us we don\u2019t have a right to even take up space in the world.<\/p>\n

7. The Demeaner
\n<\/strong>This inner critic tells us we are critically deficient in something very important that would allow us to be valued in human society. Our meritocratic culture emphasizes intelligence, attractiveness, social status, and financial position. In other words, if we feel we aren’t smart or good-looking or lack money and status, this inner voice may challenge us.<\/p>\n

8. The Doubter
\n<\/strong>The voice of the Doubter can undermine our self-confidence. By calling into question our intelligence and ability to accomplish goals, the voice second-guesses our judgment, causing us to hold back.<\/p>\n

Confronting Our Inner Critics<\/h2>\n

Learning to effectively deal with these inner critics can be vital to our well-being.<\/p>\n

When dealing with critical (sometimes even bullying) internal voices, it is very useful to remember the following three action steps: recognize<\/strong>, reject<\/strong>, and affirm<\/strong>.<\/p>\n