{"id":37999,"date":"2018-04-24T07:00:39","date_gmt":"2018-04-24T14:00:39","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/?p=37999"},"modified":"2018-04-24T07:11:19","modified_gmt":"2018-04-24T14:11:19","slug":"how-to-use-emotional-intelligence-to-fight-loneliness","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/how-to-use-emotional-intelligence-to-fight-loneliness-0424185","title":{"rendered":"How to Use Emotional Intelligence to Fight Loneliness"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"AdultHave you ever felt lonely and wondered why? We don\u2019t have to be alone or isolated to feel alone. Loneliness<\/a> can happen when we are with family, when we get along well with other members of our community, and even when we have many friends on social media. So what, exactly, is loneliness? We feel lonely when we perceive that our social needs are not being met. Loneliness is an internal, subjective matter, explains Judith Shulevitz, science editor of The New Republic<\/em>, in her 2013 essay on loneliness. It\u2019s not about what\u2019s happening to us on the outside, but rather what\u2019s happening on the inside\u2014how we think and feel about a situation.<\/p>\n

Loneliness is an experience, a feeling of social disconnection. It can be induced by loss<\/a> or a major life transition<\/a>. Changing schools, a miscarriage, or a breakup can result in feeling lonely. All of these experiences share in common a broken connection. But more importantly, they share the perception one lacks an emotional bond, a bond we\u2019re meant to have with others. How we perceive it may depend on our past.<\/p>\n

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John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth describe this bond in infants and their parents (or primary caregivers) in their well-known attachment<\/a> theory (Mercer, 2006). Their research suggests that, like infants, adults rely on an attachment figures to feel safe and supported. In fact, we unknowingly learn about relationships from attachment experiences in our early years. The attachment behaviors that develop when we are young tend to predict the way we behave when we are older. Thus, it can be insightful to think about our relationships with our parents as we grew up.<\/p>\n

Another perspective on loneliness is that of evolutionary science. In this view, human survival depended on our ability to collaborate and share resources, explains Lynch (2017). We\u2019re meant to connect and share our lives because our survival depended on it. We\u2019ve become hard-wired to be social.<\/p>\n

We know the distress loneliness causes human beings in extreme cases of social disconnection. Think, for instance, of the consequences of solitary confinement, which may include emotional distress, perceptual distortions, and self-harm. Think of the movie Cast Away<\/em>, where Tom Hanks, depicting a man stranded on an island, created an imaginary friend out of a volleyball. It\u2019s far from inconceivable. Our need to connect is strong.<\/p>\n

Our understanding of and positive response to emotions is important in protecting us from the undesirable feeling of loneliness.<\/span><\/p>\n

There is still much to learn about loneliness. Scholars continue to explore this topic, and contributing factors are still under study. However, research to date suggests emotional intelligence (EI)<\/a>, defined as the ability to identify and manage emotions<\/a>, can be a strong predictor of loneliness (Zysberg, 2011). In other words, our understanding of and positive response to emotions is important in protecting us from the undesirable feeling of loneliness.<\/p>\n

How can we use EI to overcome feelings of loneliness?<\/p>\n