{"id":37989,"date":"2018-04-19T06:00:52","date_gmt":"2018-04-19T13:00:52","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/?p=37989"},"modified":"2018-04-18T13:17:44","modified_gmt":"2018-04-18T20:17:44","slug":"how-does-that-make-you-feel-why-your-therapist-is-asking","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/how-does-that-make-you-feel-why-your-therapist-is-asking-0419184","title":{"rendered":"\u2018How Does That Make You Feel?\u2019 Why Your Therapist Is Asking"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"PersonIt\u2019s one of the most important questions in therapy<\/a>. It\u2019s stereotypical. Sometimes, it\u2019s disruptive. It can lead to anxiety and self-examination.<\/p>\n

And it\u2019s not going away.<\/p>\n

Your therapist asking you what you\u2019re feeling is a staple of most forms of counseling, and for good reason.<\/p>\n

What you do with the question can begin to free you.<\/p>\n

Yes, we all know therapy is about feelings. Before any of us stepped into a therapist\u2019s office, we probably saw a cartoon, TV show, or movie in which a therapist asked the person sitting across from them: \u201cHow does that make you feel?\u201d<\/p>\n

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Find a Therapist<\/a><\/h2>\n\t
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The thing is, people come to therapy for a million different reasons. It could be to deal with depressive or anxious symptoms<\/a>, trauma<\/a>, or unhealthy expressions of anger<\/a>. The list could go on and on.<\/p>\n

Few people come to therapy with the stated goal: \u201cI want to better understand and connect with my feelings.\u201d For everyone else, it may not seem productive to be asked each week about what they\u2019re feeling. All they know is they want to feel better!<\/p>\n

A common response to the feelings question is frustration and annoyance. Especially if it occurs during a the telling of an event or a story from the past. If you\u2019re focused on something from the weekend or from work, the feelings question may disrupt your flow.<\/p>\n

Well-timed, the question can lead to breakthroughs regarding unhelpful patterns, difficult feelings, and negative interpersonal relationships.<\/span><\/p>\n

Of course, it could be an ill-timed question by the therapist. Maybe it would be more helpful if they waited a bit longer to move you toward reflection. Maybe not, though. Perhaps the question is coming from the therapist\u2019s sense that there are feelings you may be unaware of.<\/p>\n

Well-timed, the question can lead to breakthroughs regarding unhelpful patterns, difficult feelings, and negative interpersonal relationships. It can reconnect you with any feelings you may be trying to avoid by overthinking the situation.<\/p>\n

So, yes, the question may be an attempt to interrupt and go deeper. But if it\u2019s making you angry, tell your counselor. That\u2019s important information too.<\/p>\n

This Is Not a Test<\/h2>\n

A common response to the feelings question is anxiety or, worse, a sense you\u2019re doing something wrong if you\u2019re not sure what the feeling is. Suddenly, it may feel like you\u2019re being \u201cquizzed\u201d or tested.<\/p>\n

This, too, is important information to bring up. The intention is (hopefully!) not to make you feel like a failure. You\u2019re in therapy to learn about yourself and how to better understand your feelings. You\u2019re not expected to know all the answers, let alone anticipate questions. Speak up if you sense pressure to perform or expectation from your counselor.<\/p>\n

Remember that \u201cI don\u2019t know\u201d is an acceptable answer. You may not be aware you\u2019re having a feeling because you don\u2019t tend to stop and check in with yourself. If the feelings question comes up, it\u2019s a chance to do that.<\/p>\n

And maybe you\u2019re having zero feelings in that moment. Again, good information.<\/p>\n

The Feelings Layer Isn\u2019t the Only Layer<\/h2>\n

Becoming more aware of how you\u2019re feeling at any given moment is not the only aspect of emotional well-being, but it\u2019s an important layer to explore. Knowing your feelings may help you understand your actions better. It can inform your future choices.<\/p>\n

Becoming aware of your feelings may help you feel less helpless. It may help you feel more in control.<\/p>\n

Perhaps best of all, knowing your feelings gives them less control over you.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The dreaded \u201cfeelings question\u201d can be uncomfortable and disruptive, but there\u2019s a good reason your therapist wants to know. Here\u2019s why how you feel matters.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2883,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_crdt_document":"","_uf_show_specific_survey":0,"_uf_disable_surveys":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[542,628],"tags":[1113,99,644,73],"class_list":["post-37989","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-featured-articles","category-general","tag-feelings","tag-psychotherapy","tag-therapeutic-relationship","tag-therapy"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/37989","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2883"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=37989"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/37989\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=37989"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=37989"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=37989"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}