{"id":37684,"date":"2018-04-04T06:00:37","date_gmt":"2018-04-04T13:00:37","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/?p=37684"},"modified":"2018-03-16T09:10:50","modified_gmt":"2018-03-16T16:10:50","slug":"the-i-am-message-what-to-do-when-kids-experience-rejection","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/i-am-message-what-to-do-when-kids-experience-rejection-0404184","title":{"rendered":"The \u2018I Am\u2019 Message: What to Do When Kids Experience Rejection"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"MotherApproximately 10-13% of school-aged children in the United States experience rejection<\/a> by their peers. Children who feel rejected may have a higher risk of decreased academic performance, experiencing\u00a0bullying<\/a>, or becoming bullies themselves. They can also have higher chances of developing mental health issues including depression<\/a>\u00a0and\u00a0anxiety<\/a>, behavior problems, and isolation (Nixon, 2010).<\/p>\n

The ‘I Am’ Message<\/h2>\n

Children perceive the world differently than adults. As children interact in social settings, they receive messages about themselves and who they are. For example, if a child gets a B on a test and their parents praise their hard work and good grade, the child might receive the message, \u201cI am smart,\u201d \u201cI am capable,\u201d or \u201cI am loved.\u201d If the parents respond by asking why they didn\u2019t get an A and expressing disappointment, the child might receive the message, \u201cI am stupid,\u201d \u201cI am unworthy,\u201d or \u201cI am a bad person.\u201d<\/p>\n

The \u201cI am\u201d message a child receives might seem extreme for the situation, but in reality, children learn about who they are through interactions with parents, primarily, and peers, secondarily.

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When ‘I Am’ Messages Grow Up<\/h2>\n

Many \u201cI am\u201d messages are carried into teenage years and adulthood, where they affect how a person relates to others at work and in relationships<\/a>. \u201cI am\u201d messages can also influence behavior and are often reinforced by continued experiences and interactions with others. For example, a teen who received the message \u201cI am unworthy\u201d as a child might stay in an abusive<\/a> relationship longer than someone who received the message \u201cI am worthy,” because deep within them exists the belief that they are unworthy and do not deserve more respect or better treatment. Being mistreated by their partner reinforces the negative \u201cI am\u201d message that they are not worthy. This can easily become a cycle and develop into a pattern for adult relationships as well.<\/p>\n

There is good news for primary caregivers: The parent-child relationship is often the most influential in a child\u2019s life. This means you, as a parent<\/a>, have the power to help your child. When your child is rejected by peers, remember that your relationship and interactions with them likely have a greater impact than their relationships with peers, because you are their primary caregiver.<\/p>\n

When your child is rejected by peers, remember that your relationship and interactions with them likely have a greater impact than their relationships with peers, because you are their primary caregiver.<\/span><\/p>\n

Tips for Helping Kids Process Rejection<\/h2>\n

How do you help your child deal with peer rejection? Below are a few things you, as a parent or guardian, can do to help your child when they are rejected by their peers.<\/p>\n