{"id":37480,"date":"2018-03-08T06:00:37","date_gmt":"2018-03-08T14:00:37","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/?p=37480"},"modified":"2018-03-06T14:59:09","modified_gmt":"2018-03-06T22:59:09","slug":"to-find-yourself-follow-your-truth-authenticity-as-self-care","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/to-find-yourself-follow-your-truth-authenticity-as-self-care-0308184","title":{"rendered":"To Find Yourself, Follow Your Truth: Authenticity as Self-Care"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"RearI had a conversation with a friend the other day regarding authenticity\u2014a value that I place close to my heart. It seems, in these times of \u201cfake news\u201d and the questioning of the integrity of many of the systems around us, the idea of living an authentic life is sometimes met with a shrug.<\/p>\n

Our society is built around the fa\u00e7ade of masking our true selves to please others, to build our \u201cbrands,\u201d and to be the face of whatever role we are playing in that particular moment\u2014parent, partner\/spouse, worker, boss, coach, friend, neighbor, caregiver. No matter what is actually happening inside us or in the other pieces of our life, we are taught to compartmentalize each section in order to be successful.<\/p>\n

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As a clinician, I am able to see the effects on those who have to put on these masks, to the detriment of their inner happiness<\/a>. I see the toll it can take on those who feel pressured to act as if they are a certain way, feel a certain way, or believe a certain thing that isn\u2019t a reflection of their true self<\/a>.<\/p>\n

It can be heartbreaking.<\/p>\n

It hurts to see a spouse pretend she has been happy for years in a stagnant marriage because she couldn\u2019t stand the idea of judgment from being vulnerable<\/a> with peers or family members.<\/p>\n

It can be devastating to watch someone realize their shallow friendships<\/a> are the cause of a deep feeling of loneliness despite constantly being around people.<\/p>\n

It is horrible to see someone\u2019s creative energy<\/a> drained by a workplace that expects a happy face and a butt in a chair regardless of their ideas and desire to better serve.<\/p>\n

So how can we better connect with who we are\u2014even when there is a role to play?<\/p>\n

There is often a fear<\/a> of being authentic, especially within relationships<\/a>. From a young age, we are told to \u201cjust be ourselves\u201d without any additional prompting of who we are or should be. So often, we try to figure out who we are based on who everyone around us is, and how they respond to us within a situation. We spend our adolescent years \u201ctrying on\u201d different identities<\/a>, and then just going with the pieces that are accepted by those around us.<\/p>\n

So when we are \u201cbeing ourselves,\u201d we are actually often being the person that the world has molded us into, for better or for worse.<\/p>\n

When you can put responsibilities and roles aside to spend time doing things that fill your cup, you have more energy to spend on those responsibilities and roles over the long term\u2014and they are less likely to suck you dry.<\/span><\/p>\n

As adults, we get sucked into our routines with career and family life, often to the detriment of our creative minds and physical bodies. We begin to identify with those roles, often forgetting about our true value systems<\/a> and the ways our idealist younger selves wanted to impact the world.<\/p>\n

When processing with people in therapy about self-care<\/a>, it can be revealing to talk about that idealist younger self. What did they love to do? What kind of people did they enjoy being around? What did they want for their future self? How are they different from who they are now?<\/p>\n

While we often think of self-care as sitting in front of Netflix or getting a manicure, the most impactful self-care is finding ways to get back to our true identity and being authentic about what that looks like.<\/p>\n

In other words, our responsible adult selves are good at taking the fun out of things.<\/p>\n

If we go back and revisit that younger self, we often can find pieces of our identity that we can bring back into the picture to give ourselves more joy.<\/p>\n

For example:<\/p>\n