{"id":37154,"date":"2018-02-08T06:00:35","date_gmt":"2018-02-08T14:00:35","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/?p=37154"},"modified":"2023-11-10T16:29:32","modified_gmt":"2023-11-10T21:29:32","slug":"7-steps-to-rebuilding-trust-in-your-relationship","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/7-steps-to-rebuilding-trust-in-your-relationship-0208184","title":{"rendered":"7 Steps to Rebuilding Trust in Your Relationship"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Close-upRebuilding trust<\/a> in your relationship<\/a> can be difficult after it has been broken or compromised. Depending on the nature of the offense, convincing your partner that you can be trusted again may even feel impossible. The good news is it\u2019s not. Trust can, in fact, be rebuilt if both partners are willing to put in the time and work.<\/p>\n

Any healthy relationship is built on a foundation of mutual trust. Depending on the circumstances surrounding a breach of trust, the steps for reparation may vary. Certainly, there is a difference between a \u201clittle white lie\u201d and an emotional or physical affair. If your relationship has experienced the latter, you may benefit from couples counseling<\/a>.<\/p>\n

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Find a Therapist for Relationships<\/a><\/h2>\n\t
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Although there is no one-size-fits-all guide to restoring trust in a relationship, the steps below serve as a basic outline for reparation.<\/p>\n

1. Own Up to Your Role<\/h2>\n

If you have offended or hurt someone by breaking trust, it\u2019s critical to reflect on your actions and acknowledge and own your role. Dismissing, deflecting, minimizing, or casting blame will not help you in your efforts to come to grips with what happened and work toward repair. You must own your part to yourself before you can convince your partner you have taken ownership.<\/p>\n

2. Make an Apology Plan<\/h2>\n

For many people, apologizing doesn\u2019t come easily. It can make a person feel vulnerable<\/a>, bringing up feelings of anxiety<\/a> or fear<\/a>. Be intentional about moving forward with your apology despite your discomfort. Gather your thoughts in advance. Writing down your thoughts can be helpful. Rehearsing what you want to say by standing in front of a mirror and practicing may help put you at ease. If you do rehearse, though, it\u2019s important to mean what you intend to say. Don\u2019t plan to simply say what you think the other person wants to hear in the hopes you\u2019ll be forgiven<\/a> and the offense forgotten. It doesn\u2019t work that way.<\/p>\n

3. Ask for a Good Time to Talk<\/h2>\n

The adage \u201ctiming is everything\u201d can make a difference when apologizing. Ask your partner when a good time to talk would be. Let them know you have something important you would like to discuss. Let them dictate the timing of that discussion so they can give it, and you, their full attention.<\/p>\n

4. Accept Responsibility<\/h2>\n

You have already owned up to yourself. Now it\u2019s time to show your partner that you accept responsibility. Be sincere and use \u201cI\u201d messages: \u201cI am so sorry to have hurt you,\u201d \u201cI really care about you and feel terrible that I have let you down.\u201d Be specific, when possible, regarding what you are sorry about: \u201cI am so sorry I told you that I went to the store when I was actually somewhere else,\u201d \u201cI feel awful that I lied to you about how I spent that money.\u201d Communicate<\/a> that you want to make things right. Let your partner know you recognize that you broke their trust and you are willing to work hard to regain it.<\/p>\n

5. Actively Listen<\/h2>\n

After apologizing, hear your partner out. You\u2019ve spoken; now it\u2019s time to listen. Use active listening<\/a> techniques. This means being receptive not only verbally but with your body language as well. Lean in and look your partner in the eye rather than folding your arms in a defensive posture. Be aware emotions may be heightened, yours included. Stay calm and validate your partner\u2019s feelings; they have a right to them.<\/p>\n

6. Back Up Your Words with Actions<\/h2>\n

A genuine apology<\/a> is worth its weight in gold. However, in the absence of follow-through, your words become meaningless and future attempts at repair may be rejected. If your apology is accepted, it is up to you to demonstrate a pattern of dependable behavior over time. Go the distance and commit to being your best self: be humble, be kind, be affectionate, be appreciative, be loyal, be loving, and be trustworthy.<\/p>\n

7. Be Patient<\/h2>\n

It takes time to rebuild trust in a relationship. Be patient<\/a> with the process and with your partner. Also, recognize that being remorseful doesn\u2019t mean beating yourself up. No one is perfect, and everyone makes mistakes. Take responsibility but be kind to yourself. It is normal to experience some guilt<\/a>, shame<\/a>, or self-loathing<\/a>; just don\u2019t let it overwhelm you. Look at this as an opportunity to grow rebuild trust and make your relationship stronger with your significant other.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It can be hard to come back from a breach of trust in a relationship, but with time and work, it is possible. Here\u2019s a guide to repair after you\u2019ve messed up.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3087,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_uf_show_specific_survey":0,"_uf_disable_surveys":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[542,623],"tags":[773,432,384,41,388],"class_list":["post-37154","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-featured-articles","category-issues-treated","tag-apologizing","tag-forgiveness","tag-infidelity-affair-recovery","tag-marriage-counseling-relationships","tag-trust-issues"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/37154","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3087"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=37154"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/37154\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=37154"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=37154"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=37154"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}