{"id":36543,"date":"2017-12-15T08:00:47","date_gmt":"2017-12-15T16:00:47","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/?p=36543"},"modified":"2017-12-08T07:47:06","modified_gmt":"2017-12-08T15:47:06","slug":"experts-guide-to-codependent-relationships","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/experts-guide-to-codependent-relationships-1215178","title":{"rendered":"Experts’ Guide to Codependent Relationships"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"ACodependency<\/a> is a difficult challenge for relationships. Popular definitions are often vague, so it can be difficult to know what a codependent relationship is, much less how to fix it. In this article, we will consider advice of four marriage and relationship experts: Deb Hirschhorn<\/a>, PhD; Lori Hollander<\/a>, LCSW-C, BCD; Deanna Richards<\/a>, LMHC; and Kathy Hardie-Williams<\/a>, MEd, MFT. They will reveal telltale signs of codependency and provide practical solutions for couples.<\/p>\n

What Are Codependent Relationships?<\/h2>\n
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Find a Therapist<\/a><\/h2>\n\t
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What does a codependent relationship look like? According to Lori Hollander:<\/p>\n

When a couple enters therapy and it\u2019s clear that one partner\u2019s needs are being subjugated to the other\u2019s needs, the relationship is codependent \u2026 One partner is on the “selfish<\/a>” side, while the other is on the \u201cselfless\u201d side.<\/p>\n

The selfish person \u2026 feels entitled to do what they want \u2026 They do not understand why their self-centered actions bother their partner. They manipulate their communication to blame their partner instead of owning their part of the problem.<\/p>\n

The selfless person has either withdrawn \u2026 [or tried and failed to] stand up for their needs \u2026 Though they may complain about how they are treated \u2026 they tolerate and enable their partner\u2019s selfish behavior at the expense of their own emotional and physical health.<\/p>\n

I worked with a man who felt he deserved to have extramarital affairs<\/a> because he had been faithful to his wife for the first 30 years. She tried to ignore his dalliances until she could no longer take it. In a session she asked him to stop seeing other women, and he said no. Yet she couldn\u2019t bring herself to leave him.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

On the surface, codependency seems like a straightforward issue. If someone is being selfish, they should stop and consider their partner\u2019s feelings. But how does someone figure out when they are being too selfless? Kathy Hardie-Williams recommends that we look out for these common signs of codependent relationships:<\/p>\n