{"id":36483,"date":"2017-11-30T08:00:13","date_gmt":"2017-11-30T16:00:13","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/?p=36483"},"modified":"2019-07-15T09:14:50","modified_gmt":"2019-07-15T16:14:50","slug":"just-say-no-to-saying-no-better-ways-to-improve-a-childs-behavior","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/just-say-no-to-saying-no-better-ways-to-improve-childs-behavior-1130175","title":{"rendered":"Just Say No to Saying ‘No’: Better Ways to Improve a Child\u2019s Behavior"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"A\u201c[W]hen you’re little, your life is up. The future is up. Everything you want is up. \u2018Wait up! Hold up! Shut up! Mom, I’ll clean up! Let me stay up!\u2019 Parents, of course, are just the opposite. Everything is down. \u2018Just calm down. Slow down. Come down here. Sit down. Put that down.\u2019 \u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

Whenever I think about parenting<\/a>, I think of the above quote by Jerry Seinfeld from one of his HBO specials. Doesn\u2019t it just speak to the truth about parenting and the dynamic between kids and parents? As a parent, it can often feel like we spend the entire day trying to wrangle our youthful and energetic counterparts. To do that, it is not uncommon to use words such as \u201cno,\u201d \u201cdon\u2019t,\u201d and \u201cstop.\u201d But do you notice a common thread? The words and phrases we tend to fall back on are, at their core, negative. What parent wants to spend the whole day saying \u201cno\u201d to their child? What child wants to spend all day hearing \u201cno\u201d?<\/p>\n

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As parents, many of us want to encourage our children<\/a> to explore, grow, and learn, all while staying safe. In service of those goals, it is important to set boundaries and help guide our children to make healthy choices. While a quick \u201cno,\u201d \u201cdon\u2019t,\u201d or \u201cstop\u201d is often the fastest way to draw those boundaries and address unwanted behavior, it also may limit growth and can build resentment<\/a>, rebellion, and frustration (on both sides).<\/p>\n

So, if not \u201cno,\u201d then what<\/em>?<\/p>\n

1. Reframe the Boundary as a Positive Directive<\/strong><\/p>\n

Saying \u201cno\u201d tells your child what not to do, but does it teach them what you want them to do instead? The answer is\u2014you guessed it\u2014no. You want to both set the boundary and teach the behavior you want to see. Not only will it be a more positive interaction, but your child will know what you want from them in the future. Some examples:<\/p>\n