{"id":36266,"date":"2017-11-07T08:00:11","date_gmt":"2017-11-07T16:00:11","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/?p=36266"},"modified":"2017-11-06T16:38:14","modified_gmt":"2017-11-07T00:38:14","slug":"12-secrets-to-teaching-your-child-how-to-manage-their-emotions","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/12-secrets-to-teaching-your-child-how-to-manage-their-emotions-1107175","title":{"rendered":"12 Secrets to Teaching Your Child How to Manage Their Emotions"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"CalmGiving children<\/a> coping skills for their emotions<\/a> is one of the most important tasks of parenting<\/a>. Children lacking these tools may blame others for how they feel or demonstrate how they\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re feeling in inappropriate ways. If a child has no words to verbalize their intense emotions, they\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re at risk for being emotionally stunted for the rest of their lives. Emotionally arrested adults lack the ability to self-soothe when they\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re upset, or to delay lashing out on an impulse.<\/p>\n

The following are 12 tips to give your child tools for handling their uncomfortable feelings.<\/p>\n

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    \n
  1. Use feeling words when speaking to your child. <\/strong>\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Sad\u00e2\u20ac\u009d and \u00e2\u20ac\u0153disappointed\u00e2\u20ac\u009d are feeling words. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153What were you thinking?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d and \u00e2\u20ac\u0153You never listen!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d are not.<\/li>\n
  2. Be more curious and less educating.<\/strong> Ask your child to elaborate about their uncomfortable feelings. An example of this is to say, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153You seem sad, tell me about it,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d not \u00e2\u20ac\u0153That\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s not a good reason to feel that way.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t shame or scold your child about their feelings, even if your goal is to make them feel better.<\/li>\n
  3. Don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t keep score.<\/strong> \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Well, now you know how that feels,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Well, if you hadn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t \u00e2\u20ac\u00a6\u00e2\u20ac\u009d and \u00e2\u20ac\u0153That happened to me and I didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t feel that way!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d are statements that teach kids their feelings are wrong. This may lead to them feeling bad about themselves and becoming defensive.<\/li>\n
  4. Talk about negative emotions being transitory, like the weather, the tides, seasons, or the phases of the moon.<\/strong> Feelings will change; they have to. It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s okay to feel bad. Respect the uncomfortable feeling and remember it will change.<\/li>\n
  5. Get a poster of emojis with the feelings written below each face.<\/strong> Refer to it often.<\/li>\n
  6. Every evening, take turns talking about the pleasant and unpleasant feelings you each experienced that day.<\/strong> Focus on the emotions such as \u00e2\u20ac\u0153proud,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d \u00e2\u20ac\u0153frustrated,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d etc., and put less focus on the story or circumstance preceding each feeling.<\/li>\n
  7. Talk about how you handle your own uncomfortable feelings. <\/strong>Perhaps you go to the gym, journal, run, talk to a friend, read, garden, or meditate<\/a>.<\/li>\n
  8. Help your child write a list of things they can do when they feel uncomfortable emotions.<\/strong> The list may include listening to music, drawing outside with chalk, singing, doing a puzzle, playing a game, writing a letter\/email, writing a gratitude<\/a> list, taking pictures, dancing, talking about it, shooting baskets, hitting a punching bag, skating, coloring, baking something, or making a card for someone. Keep the list where they can use it when they\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re upset.
    \nIf you handled a situation poorly, apologize and then model forgiving yourself. How you handle your emotions will be your child\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s most influential guide.<\/span><\/li>\n
  9. Create an art corner with supplies so your child can draw, paint, color, collage, or sculpt clay to illustrate how they\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re feeling.<\/strong> \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Show me how you feel\u00e2\u20ac\u009d exercises can encourage your child to use a creative outlet.<\/li>\n
  10. Help your child start an \u00e2\u20ac\u0153altered book.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/strong> Buy a secondhand hard-bound book, then glue 10 to 20 pages together at a time so the book has thick pages. Show your child how to cut out magazine pictures and collage over the book cover. Then your child can open their personalized altered book and create a collage, painting, or drawing of a feeling on each page. They can add to this work of art whenever they\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re feeling a strong emotion. Be sure to stay curious and interested if your child is young, while giving older children and teens privacy to express themselves.<\/li>\n
  11. Do outdoor physical activities with your child. <\/strong>Such activities may include skateboarding, surfing, soccer, catch, tennis, shooting baskets, swimming, yoga at the park, kayaking, hiking, bicycling, rock climbing, etc. Have your child rate an uncomfortable feeling on a scale of 1 to 10 before the activity, then again after they\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve exercised. Even if they only go from a 9 to an 8, praise them for lowering the negative emotion on their own.<\/li>\n
  12. Volunteer together.<\/strong> Model for your child the inner peace that comes from giving back and helping others who are less fortunate. Activities may include helping at a soup kitchen, taking supplies to a homeless shelter, helping out at an animal shelter, making gift bags to give those asking for help at the freeway off-ramp, going on a house-building mission, adopting an elderly person in an assisted-living home, etc. Make giving to others a regular activity. Participating in generosity and feeling appreciated is one of the best antidotes when feeling bad.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    Be kind to yourself if you don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t make the most of every opportunity to teach your child about emotions. You will have many chances before they grow up and leave the home. If you handled a situation poorly, apologize and then model forgiving yourself<\/a>. How you handle your emotions will be your child\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s most influential guide.<\/p>\n

    For more ideas for helping your child manage their emotions, contact a licensed therapist<\/a>\u00c2\u00a0in your area who works with children and parents.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    As parents, one of the most important things we can do is model for our children how to manage difficult emotions. Try these simple but effective techniques.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":168,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_crdt_document":"","_uf_show_specific_survey":0,"_uf_disable_surveys":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[542,623],"tags":[21,391,808,51],"class_list":["post-36266","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-featured-articles","category-issues-treated","tag-child-and-adolescent-issues","tag-emotional-intelligence","tag-emotional-regulation","tag-healthy-parenting"],"acf":{"author_show":false,"author_name":"","author_role":"","author_avatar":null,"author_profile_url":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/36266","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/168"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=36266"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/36266\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=36266"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=36266"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=36266"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}