{"id":36266,"date":"2017-11-07T08:00:11","date_gmt":"2017-11-07T16:00:11","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/?p=36266"},"modified":"2017-11-06T16:38:14","modified_gmt":"2017-11-07T00:38:14","slug":"12-secrets-to-teaching-your-child-how-to-manage-their-emotions","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/12-secrets-to-teaching-your-child-how-to-manage-their-emotions-1107175","title":{"rendered":"12 Secrets to Teaching Your Child How to Manage Their Emotions"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"CalmGiving children<\/a> coping skills for their emotions<\/a> is one of the most important tasks of parenting<\/a>. Children lacking these tools may blame others for how they feel or demonstrate how they\u2019re feeling in inappropriate ways. If a child has no words to verbalize their intense emotions, they\u2019re at risk for being emotionally stunted for the rest of their lives. Emotionally arrested adults lack the ability to self-soothe when they\u2019re upset, or to delay lashing out on an impulse.<\/p>\n

The following are 12 tips to give your child tools for handling their uncomfortable feelings.<\/p>\n

\n\t

Find a Therapist<\/a><\/h2>\n\t
\n\n\t\t\t\n\n\n\t\t\t\n\t\tAdvanced Search<\/a>\n\t<\/form>\n<\/div>\n
    \n
  1. Use feeling words when speaking to your child. <\/strong>\u201cSad\u201d and \u201cdisappointed\u201d are feeling words. \u201cWhat were you thinking?\u201d and \u201cYou never listen!\u201d are not.<\/li>\n
  2. Be more curious and less educating.<\/strong> Ask your child to elaborate about their uncomfortable feelings. An example of this is to say, \u201cYou seem sad, tell me about it,\u201d not \u201cThat\u2019s not a good reason to feel that way.\u201d Don\u2019t shame or scold your child about their feelings, even if your goal is to make them feel better.<\/li>\n
  3. Don\u2019t keep score.<\/strong> \u201cWell, now you know how that feels,\u201d \u201cWell, if you hadn\u2019t \u2026\u201d and \u201cThat happened to me and I didn\u2019t feel that way!\u201d are statements that teach kids their feelings are wrong. This may lead to them feeling bad about themselves and becoming defensive.<\/li>\n
  4. Talk about negative emotions being transitory, like the weather, the tides, seasons, or the phases of the moon.<\/strong> Feelings will change; they have to. It\u2019s okay to feel bad. Respect the uncomfortable feeling and remember it will change.<\/li>\n
  5. Get a poster of emojis with the feelings written below each face.<\/strong> Refer to it often.<\/li>\n
  6. Every evening, take turns talking about the pleasant and unpleasant feelings you each experienced that day.<\/strong> Focus on the emotions such as \u201cproud,\u201d \u201cfrustrated,\u201d etc., and put less focus on the story or circumstance preceding each feeling.<\/li>\n
  7. Talk about how you handle your own uncomfortable feelings. <\/strong>Perhaps you go to the gym, journal, run, talk to a friend, read, garden, or meditate<\/a>.<\/li>\n
  8. Help your child write a list of things they can do when they feel uncomfortable emotions.<\/strong> The list may include listening to music, drawing outside with chalk, singing, doing a puzzle, playing a game, writing a letter\/email, writing a gratitude<\/a> list, taking pictures, dancing, talking about it, shooting baskets, hitting a punching bag, skating, coloring, baking something, or making a card for someone. Keep the list where they can use it when they\u2019re upset.
    \nIf you handled a situation poorly, apologize and then model forgiving yourself. How you handle your emotions will be your child\u2019s most influential guide.<\/span><\/li>\n
  9. Create an art corner with supplies so your child can draw, paint, color, collage, or sculpt clay to illustrate how they\u2019re feeling.<\/strong> \u201cShow me how you feel\u201d exercises can encourage your child to use a creative outlet.<\/li>\n
  10. Help your child start an \u201caltered book.\u201d<\/strong> Buy a secondhand hard-bound book, then glue 10 to 20 pages together at a time so the book has thick pages. Show your child how to cut out magazine pictures and collage over the book cover. Then your child can open their personalized altered book and create a collage, painting, or drawing of a feeling on each page. They can add to this work of art whenever they\u2019re feeling a strong emotion. Be sure to stay curious and interested if your child is young, while giving older children and teens privacy to express themselves.<\/li>\n
  11. Do outdoor physical activities with your child. <\/strong>Such activities may include skateboarding, surfing, soccer, catch, tennis, shooting baskets, swimming, yoga at the park, kayaking, hiking, bicycling, rock climbing, etc. Have your child rate an uncomfortable feeling on a scale of 1 to 10 before the activity, then again after they\u2019ve exercised. Even if they only go from a 9 to an 8, praise them for lowering the negative emotion on their own.<\/li>\n
  12. Volunteer together.<\/strong> Model for your child the inner peace that comes from giving back and helping others who are less fortunate. Activities may include helping at a soup kitchen, taking supplies to a homeless shelter, helping out at an animal shelter, making gift bags to give those asking for help at the freeway off-ramp, going on a house-building mission, adopting an elderly person in an assisted-living home, etc. Make giving to others a regular activity. Participating in generosity and feeling appreciated is one of the best antidotes when feeling bad.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    Be kind to yourself if you don\u2019t make the most of every opportunity to teach your child about emotions. You will have many chances before they grow up and leave the home. If you handled a situation poorly, apologize and then model forgiving yourself<\/a>. How you handle your emotions will be your child\u2019s most influential guide.<\/p>\n

    For more ideas for helping your child manage their emotions, contact a licensed therapist<\/a>\u00a0in your area who works with children and parents.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    As parents, one of the most important things we can do is model for our children how to manage difficult emotions. Try these simple but effective techniques.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":168,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_crdt_document":"","_uf_show_specific_survey":0,"_uf_disable_surveys":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[542,623],"tags":[21,391,808,51],"class_list":["post-36266","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-featured-articles","category-issues-treated","tag-child-and-adolescent-issues","tag-emotional-intelligence","tag-emotional-regulation","tag-healthy-parenting"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/36266","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/168"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=36266"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/36266\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=36266"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=36266"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=36266"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}