{"id":36115,"date":"2017-10-23T08:00:14","date_gmt":"2017-10-23T15:00:14","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/?p=36115"},"modified":"2024-03-06T17:22:12","modified_gmt":"2024-03-06T22:22:12","slug":"emotional-connection-the-secret-to-lasting-love","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/emotional-connection-secret-to-lasting-love-1023175","title":{"rendered":"Emotional Connection: The Secret to Lasting Love"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"RearEmotional connection, a bond that holds partners together in a relationship, is one of the most important strengths for couples to have. Without a strong emotional connection, relationships can easily drift apart.<\/p>\n

Many couples come in for counseling because they have become emotionally disconnected. This doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t just happen; it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s typically a gradual process. For many couples, it may take years before they recognize that they have become emotionally disconnected.<\/p>\n

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Many reasons exist for emotional disconnection. Attachment<\/a> theory sheds light on how some couples may disconnect. It teaches us that our loved one should be a source of comfort, security, and refuge. When our partner becomes emotionally disconnected or unresponsive, we can be left feeling lonely<\/a>, sad<\/a>, hurt, and even helpless<\/a>.<\/p>\n

When we feel emotionally disconnected, our sense of security can feel like it is in jeopardy, causing us to feel fearful<\/a>. The amygdala<\/a>, the almond-shaped region in our midbrain, acts as a built-in alarm system. It triggers an automatic response when a threat occurs. When we feel disconnected, alone, and afraid, it can feel threatening. The amygdala responds and a sense of panic can set in.<\/p>\n

Every relationship encounters disagreements or conflict at times. When we have a secure emotional connection with our loved one, this temporary feeling is experienced as nonthreatening. We realize there is no actual threat or long-term concern. For those who have a weaker emotional connection, the fear can feel devastating, leaving some with a sense of panic. These feelings often occur on an unconscious level. It is not until we bring them into our awareness that things can begin to change.<\/p>\n

Attachment injuries are generally linked to family of origin<\/a> and are a result of an insecure attachment. The way we were modeled love and experienced attachment in our early years created an internal imprint. If we experienced a secure attachment with our primary caregivers, the likelihood we will have secure attachments in future relationships is strong. If we didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t have secure attachments growing up, it is more likely this will be problematic in our adult relationships.<\/p>\n

When life gets full of things like growing careers, rearing children, balancing home life and work, and mounting stressors, our emotional connection can become compromised. This can rattle our attachment injuries, contributing to less emotional connection and more drifting.<\/span><\/p>\n

In a new relationship, detecting how our attachment styles will impact our relationship is not always easy. Generally, in the beginning, we are happy and in love. Life tends to be more carefree. Emotional connection is generally strong. When life gets full of things like growing careers, rearing children, balancing home life and work, and mounting stressors, our emotional connection can become compromised. This can rattle our attachment injuries, contributing to less emotional connection and more drifting.<\/p>\n

Over time, couples can begin to drift as the escalating responsibilities of life take over. The mounting pressures and duties of life can deplete our emotional reserves, leaving less for our partner. If left unchecked, emotional disconnection can establish negative patterns that take hold. Often, these negative patterns can go on for years.<\/p>\n

Here are three steps to get you back on the track to emotional connection:<\/p>\n

1. Awareness<\/h2>\n

The first step is to recognize a problem exists. Becoming aware of the signs of emotional disconnect is beneficial. Here are some common ones:<\/p>\n