{"id":34438,"date":"2017-04-06T06:00:42","date_gmt":"2017-04-06T13:00:42","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/?p=34438"},"modified":"2017-04-05T16:15:55","modified_gmt":"2017-04-05T23:15:55","slug":"coping-with-criticism-how-to-stop-being-defensive-at-work","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.goodtherapy.org\/blog\/coping-with-criticism-how-to-stop-being-defensive-at-work-0406174","title":{"rendered":"Coping with Criticism: How to Stop Being Defensive at Work"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"AngryHave you ever felt defensive at work? Do you bristle when you receive unjust or unhelpful criticism? You aren’t alone. Defensiveness may come easily to us in the workplace<\/a>. Even when we recognize our defensive reactions are neither helpful nor healthy\u2014a difficult but essential first step toward change\u2014it can be a challenge to accept this and begin to react without defensiveness.<\/p>\n

Why Being Defensive Rarely Helps<\/h2>\n

Most of us start out feeling as if we are entitled to our defensiveness. I understand this, as I\u2019ve often felt the same way. If people would just stop being so confrontational, we might think, it would be easy to not be defensive. If they just stopped attacking us over the phone, in emails, or in meetings, there would be no reason for defensiveness.<\/p>\n

The problem with taking a defensive approach? We can only control our own behavior<\/a>. We cannot control what other people do or how they treat us. How we act or react only affects the other person\u2019s behavior to a certain extent.<\/p>\n

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As individuals, we are entitled to our feelings. As a therapist, I believe that and honor that. I also believe it is important to recognize that reacting in certain ways just isn\u2019t helpful at times and may even impact us negatively, even when our feelings are justified. Sometimes, it\u00a0is<\/em>\u00a0possible to view a situation in a way that is more constructive. Looking at a situation in a different way can often help us make better choices for ourselves.<\/p>\n

Coping with Criticism Productively<\/h2>\n

When we get defensive, we are reacting to the feeling of being attacked. But think about this: How many people at work can physically attack<\/a> you? Do emotional or verbal attacks actually say anything true about your self-worth or your abilities?<\/p>\n

If you are dealing with actual physical threats at work, it may be better not to go back at all. In that situation, I would almost certainly quit immediately. As far as the hurtful words other people might use, though, it helps to remember that your coworkers often don\u2019t know you well, if at all. What they say tells you more about them than it does about you.<\/p>\n

Becoming defensive in the face of criticism will only appear to validate the critique, but it can still be difficult to accept undeserved or unduly harsh criticism calmly, especially if the person putting you down is your boss or supervisor. When someone says something critical to you that gets under your skin, consider two things:<\/p>\n